Monthly Archives: December 2014

Lifestyle Blogging

That Wife Will Care About You On The Weekends

Jenna Cole, America’s Favorite Parent, continues to make it clear exactly how much time she spends dealing with her kids. In response to a lunch invitation that included her children, Jenna responded:

I only do stuff with the kids on the weekends. Otherwise they are in care or napping.

Jenna may also have hinted that she has a new project in the works:

Oh please let this be “TAHBS, the JennaCast Podshow Thing”! I would happily pay for THAT show. She may be looking for new projects because, according to her, she’s not been feeling her most amazing self this year.

Depression and anxiety have become companions of mine, and it takes a lot of mental energy to keep them at a respectable distance so I can fulfill my responsibilities…I felt rejuvenated like this twice before in 2014, each time when I went to Utah for photography workshops…I think those are the things I need to focus on bringing into my life more often after the New Year in order to avoid the depressive bouts I’ve been dealing with.

She goes on to say her goals for 2015 include spending “less time in front of the computer”, more time chasing light – and even more ‘Jenna time’.

I do enjoy having the time to myself…but a recent therapy session filled with tears helped me discover that it is also about knowing my kids are with another adult who can give them undivided attention and meet their emotional needs…Thanks to my therapist I realized that I was feeling overwhelmed thinking that I am the only person in their life who can give them them what they need to holistically meet their physical and emotional needs.

The solution? Hire back the nanny! Because the heavenly lord of cocktails knows if there’s anything Jenna needs, it’s more people taking over her child rearing responsibilities.

Anyway, Happy New Year, hams! The 2015 GOMIBLOG Awards categories are going up soon, and I can’t wait to see who sweeps this year. Let the celebration begin!

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Internets Mommy Blogging

Uppercase Woman Is No More

Cecily Kellogg, dunzo, has finally torp**oed the archive of life fail known as Uppercase Woman.

Thanks for a great ten years…I’ve decided to say goodbye to Uppercase Woman…Thank you, so much, for reading and supporting me.

She has moved over to CecilyK.com, where apparently she is attempting to rebrand herself as a picmonkey’d ‘content creator’. There is no mention of her getting any kind of real job. Apparently she intends to cling to the wine and roses cash money days of Babble with a furious grip.

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

You Don’t Know Hope And You Don’t Know How To Read Her Posts

Hope Kumor, you don’t understand her love, put a charming piece of Livejournalism up on XOJane the other day. It was a long screed about the buttmadness of living with her boyfriend’s parents, those jerks.

But it’s not even her fault, guys. She HAD to move out of her parents’ home and into her boyfriend’s parents’ home instead of some apartment, because money.

…I have student loans to pay for along with my car. All of our money would be going to the apartment instead of living. We wouldn’t be able to go out to eat a good meal or even go on vacation. We were stuck.

No vacations or eating out??? That’s like, SO awful, guys. But living with his parents is even worse. She can’t run around in her thong, or grope her boyfriend in the kitchen, even. How can anyone live in such an oppressed state?

I want to have passionate sex and vocalize as loud as I want. Whenever we’re doing the deed, I must cover my mouth so I don’t make too much noise. I must be respectful, but that part really sucks because I can never truly let myself go.

When commenters began to point out that perhaps Princess Thong was being a bit entitled, she shot back with a post basically telling people they read it all wrong.

…THANK YOU to all those who left us lovely comments. I suppose you didn’t pick up on the sarcasm of our situation. It was a joke, but maybe you aren’t smart enough to decipher the difference.

Evidently that still wasn’t enough venting, because today Hope came back with yet more ‘clarification’, explaining that the unwashed masses will never understand her great Isoldean love story and she and her boyfriend are the nicest most responsible adulting people ever, so there.

Brett & I have a unique relationship that no one will ever understand. Maybe you think that’s immature of me to say, but you’ll never get it and I don’t feel as if I need to explain that. Thanks for your concern though. It’s greatly appreciated.

She continued with the tired old “The thing is, you don’t know me. You don’t know a thing about me. You merely read this article and judged me” crap that all these early 20s, 5 Thought Catalog Posts Means I Am A Writer ‘writers’ spew out when someone on earth dares to tell them they aren’t a Speshul Sneauxflake.

Kids today, amirite??? Someone give these two a free vacation to Jamaica and some Applebee’s gift cards already!

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DIY Blogging Healthy Living Blogging Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Christmas In Blogland Just As Boring As Anticipated

It’s that magical time of year, when bloggers try to out-twee each other on instagram while slamming diet Coke and perfect brownies. Bloggers will decorate and bake and style their holiday lives, and then Amaro filter it all just to make those of us sitting around in our unshowered glory aspire to a more a pinterestmas worthy life.

So if you’ve been too busy hustling your cats out of wrapping paper and taking your rum in shot glass form to follow along, here’s what your favorite bloggers are doing today.

The Million Dolla Skallas and the Derp family did matching pajamas in front of their trees. I don’t even know how you accomplish this, because I would think anything that an infant or toddler could wear would not be something a grown adult would find in their size (much less want their picture taken in), but…ok.

Hey Natalie Jean is evidently in Utah, where Strangles is wearing antlers that look like dookie and standing on his knees for some reason.

Young House Love of course posted their monthly gram. Not very holidayish other than the caption but at least they didn’t go for all matching outfits.

The HLBs settled for weird selfies and awkward family photos in Santa hats.

How are the holidays going for you hamcats? Is everyone drunk and/or ready for a nap yet?

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Mommy Blogging WTF

That Wife Will Never Let You Forget You Chose Santa

SHITTER'S FULL

Click for video

Jenna Cole, everyone’s favorite parenthood storyteller, is once again spreading the magic of Christmas with her sympathetic approach to childhood dreams. Oh wait, no she’s not; she’s reminding everyone – mainly her small son – that Santa isn’t real, lest anyone but Jenna get credit for those gifts under the Businesslady Balsam she has erected in her honor.

I knew that this was my chance to let him in on the Grownup Secret…I emphasized how important it is that he keep this secret to himself and not tell any of the other kids. When I said that Santa isn’t real, and that it’s a game that parents play with their kids, he smiled really big and immediately embraced the idea that he was very mature and able to handle the information.

Just as she did in 2011 Jenna is making it clear that she will not be teaching her kids that some jelly belly’d house crasher from the Arctic Circle is responsible for their gift getting joy. Their gratitude will be firmly directed at Jenna, and Jenna only, or else she will procure a passive aggressive ceramic reminder of your betrayal.

And so, this year when I was selecting the ornament I would give to T1 for 2014, I chose Santa and a small boy, skating off into the sunset together. To represent this year as the one where my kid chose a mythical Santa Claus figure over the being who actually has the power to hear and deliver on his heart’s deepest desires.

Oh well, at least T1 first got a chance to tell all the kids at preschool that his Mommy says Santa isn’t real. I’m sure all the other parents appreciate that. Happy Holidays!

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Mommy Blogging WTF

Dooce’s Grief Sponsored By Headache Medicine

Dooce, mother without children, attempted to sound uplifting by posting a making-the-best-of-it staged photo to her instagram. The caption was a long novella full of missing her kids, something something new traditions, and a lukewarm acknowledgment of her fangirls’ support.

This holiday isn’t exactly how I’d pictured it, of course, being without my girls…May all of us who are creating and living these new traditions experience that same happiness ourselves…I’ve already heard from so many of you and want to offer you my encouragement in exchange.

She then closed out the long caption with a big fat #sponsored tag. Yes, the photo was sponsored. By painkillers. Is there any moment bloggers won’t sell?

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Internets WTF

Mandajuice Will DUI While Blonde

Mandajuice, stinky, tried to join in the “criming while white” nonsense with this proud moment of whitery.

A little over a year ago I got pulled over for running a red light in St. John’s (the most racially diverse neighborhood in Portland). I was on my way home from a party at which I had more than one glass of wine. Likely more than one BOTTLE. My car was not registered. I was uninsured. I thought I was f**kED.

But lol nope! She’s blonde so it was totally ok! “But me and my shiny blond hair got off with only a ticket.”

She went on to inform the world that being able to drive on home (evidently while drunk) and sleep it off in her own bed “made me sick that night. Utterly sick.” She then cried her blonde white self to sleep over her blonde white privilege.

Did anyone miss the part where this canker just admitted driving while drunk? Am I the only person focusing on that? Because her fanpoodles are high fiving her bravery like she just admitted she led the storm at Normandy. Look, I’m all for solidarity but maybe wink winking about how you drove home with “likely more than one bottle” of wine in you is not a cute way to go about it.

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