Healthy Living Blogging

KERF Has Some Things To Tell You

Kath Eats, of one taco fame, has posted a “Things I’m Afraid To Tell You” post because apparently that blog cliche is making the rounds again. In it, she addresses all those things readers have wondered for months.

She starts off by announcing “I don’t feel like a healthy living blogger anymore” because she’s so “normal” now.

…my diet isn’t as consistently plant-based, I am am not eating as many hugh jass salads as I used to, and I definitely am not lighting a candle and putting out a placemat anymore. Some of my meals consist of chips and leftovers eaten standing at the counter. Normal.

After that gripping revelation she moves on to talking about how she, like basically every other woman going through a divorce, allowed herself to fall into the habit of night wine. But don’t worry, she’s getting control of that now even though she totally doesn’t have a problem. Or something.

I don’t drink a lot at once, but last year I got in the routine of a glass of wine (or, um, two) almost every night. I am changing this habit though (because it’s a habit, not an addiction), and have already made positive changes this year…I’m feeling normal again and drinking only on the weekends or nights out.

Um…k? Her final secret involves someone’s legs and wrinkled pants and some kind of explanation for her divorce.

Matt and I both started dating right away because part of the trouble in our marriage was that we felt we had missed out on our 20s…When we split, I let go of all expectations of finding another husband and just wanted to date around…But I wasn’t in the dating pool for the years I had mentally prepared for because I met someone who stopped me in my tracks…

So basically they split up so they could do all the super fun dating around they think they missed in their 20s, only for Kath to immediately settle down with another pinch-faced khaki brah. Seems legit.

In short, Kath was afraid to share the outrageous truth about how she is eating and drinking and finding a boyfriend like a normal thirtysomething divorced mom. Imagine the bravery it took her to click ‘publish’ on this post.

  1. KAS

    She married the first guy she dated in college and she’s in loooooove with the first guy she dated after her divorce. WHAT ARE THE ODDS? I’ve known plenty of people like that, who always grab the first person they can find to avoid being alone, and I don’t get it at all.

    • LaverneandHurling

      My BFF is kind of like this: married at 28, which isn’t crazy-young, but they had been together a long time then they split and she immediately got into a relationship. I don’t recall her really expressing any interest in dating or being alone though so I guess I can’t roll my eyes TOO hard.

  2. Purple21

    I thought the shocking revelation was going to be that she sometimes eats two tacos now.

    I also love the idea of KERF being told to draw the man of her dreams, and she would have just drawn a pair of legs, because that’s what the blogger’s perfect new boyfriend looks like… supportive but unobtrusive. And readily interchangeable for another pair of legs if this doesn’t turn out to be the man of her dreams.

  3. Expecto Patronum

    She doesn’t want to talk about her new man because it will seem like she’s digging at her ex-husband. So then she praises how perfect her new man is.

    I honestly do understand her point, but she literally contradicted herself in the next paragraph. She didn’t say I was afraid, it was “I am afraid”. Not “I don’t want to talk about him too much” but at all.

    I wasted too much time of my life reading that recipe for boredom.

    • Stalker in a Bow Tie

      Additionally, I LOVE that she said she’ll never say anything negative about Matt “on the internet.” In other words, there’s plenty to say and she’ll talk mad shit to her friends, but won’t put it on her blog. (I agree with her decision to keep that private, but I just really enjoyed her having to include the qualifier of “on the internet.” *rolling on floor laughing emoji*)

      • Paris Stilton

        This here really chaps my ass. I grew up with a saint of a divorced mother (insert sarcasm here) who prided herself on never saying anything bad about her ex-husband in front of her children. She would say this all the time, in front of her children. Yes, dear sainted mother, you are such a wonderful person that you would never talk bad about their father in front of them. Remind me again, please.

        • Alice

          Whenever someone says “oh I would never speak ill of my ex” everyone knows what they mean is “…but I could“. So you basically still sound like a bitter asshole who is dying to talk shit about your ex, but you feel the need to remind people you’re too wonderful to actually do so.

  4. Yogini Ballerini

    “he is very good looking and a great soccer player”

    KERF these are not qualities that should be top of your list in a great partner!

    I like how she lays it all out there. Keen to have another child after all. Didn’t think she’d be married again. Met someone who stopped her in her tracks and adores Mazen and his family just loooves her so much. So, no pressure, Legsy.

    On the other hand… she does actually look happy and less strained… so as much as I still believe she and Matt were/are actors in a very long running piece of performance art, if she’s a :happier: actor in a very long running piece of performance art with a new player (Legsy) on the bill, that’s nice.

    • Ramen for dinner

      Pretty sure that’s code for…..”had an orgasm for the first time” and I’ve been sooooo afraid to tell you.

  5. Funky Chicken

    “hugh jass”… HUGH JASS???

    What, will the Interwebz melt if you say “huge-ass”…???

    Or is Hugh Jass a little-known salad chef?

    • Lumbersexual

      On her website it seems to say huge-ass? Alice seems to have changed the quote for some reason.

    • Hobknobber

      It started out as a joke on Heather Eats Almond Butter’s blog around 2008, so she’s just copying a decade-old trend.

      • potsandpansrobot

        It’s actually from the Simpsons. Bart makes a prank call to Moe’s and it turns out there really is a guy named Hugh Jass there.

  6. J-Ho

    So is she officially divorced? Can’t be bothered to give her page views.

    • Mrs. Snarkleupagus

      Nope. I think their mandatory year-long separation ends in Feb or March. she’s already put an invisible fence in her yard for Wrinkle Pants’ dog (whom she barely tolerates despite talking about how much she loves him all the time), so he’s either already living there full-time or will be shortly.

  7. a teenage girl who drives through the neighborhood screaming ball sack! out an open window

    I can’t unsee those pants wrinkles. And this is coming from a person who doesn’t even own an iron…

  8. Top Hat Fancy

    Kind of OT but not. I had always wondered where the user name “…. and I Kath, had one taco” came from lol. Now I know

  9. crispenclean

    So, one of the things that she’s not afraid to tell us is that she allows her four-year-old son watch Game of Thrones?

    • Caro

      I think that is just an example of her unclear writing. I read it the same way but suspect she means the be.

  10. I urge you to look past the words

    She got like 30 times more comments than usual so it worked.

    • hiccup

      She responds to nearly every comment she gets now to boost her comment count. So you can halve the comment count.