Lifestyle Blogging

Lauren Wants You To Stop Pointing Your Boobs At Her Husband’s Eyes

Lauren, over at the Apples and Band-Aids blog, would like all you attractive women on the internet to put your clothes on. She is tired of her husband enjoying your form, and you are ruining their marriage with your gorgeousness.

…I am writing to share the perspective of a woman who is fighting for her marriage. And for that reason, I want to tell you that I don’t need my husband to see your boobs…I don’t blame you for being confident enough to let the world see how good you look in front of the waves with your coozie and ballcap and barely anything else. But I want to tell you that it’s a stumbling block in our marriage.

She says if she were “skinny with rock-hard abs and legs from here to Mexico, I’d want to take lots of pictures of myself”, and then goes on to pinky swear she’s not blaming you for tempting her man. But you need to stop being hot on the internet because her husband is filling up his spank bank and she can’t deal with it.

I know it’s next to impossible to take in images like those and erase them from his mind. Because our men are much less emotional and are much more visual. And as quickly as I can forget your picture, it is filed away in his mind, ready to be pulled back out whenever he so chooses.

Finally she gets to the most important thing you tight little thangs in your string bikinis need to consider before posting your lusciousness to instagram – her self-esteem:

When your bare shoulders and stretchmark-less bellies and tanned legs pop up, I not only worry if my husband will linger over your picture. I worry how he will compare me to you.

As I wrap myself into his arms at night, I wonder if he is seeing you there instead of my mess of a body left over from pregnancy. I wonder if he thinks I’m lazy and that I don’t take good care of myself. I wonder if he wishes I looked more like you than who I really am.

And then the insecurity monster comes back to bite at our relationship again…me, begging for affirmation, and him tiring from saying the same thing over and over.

There you have it, the main point of this bizarre post. Congratulations, internet! You are now responsible for some woman’s self-image, so if you could just stop being attractive on a social media account that no one is forcing her to follow, that’d be great.