Babelfish Continues To Elude Rachel

Rachel Billow, one of the many BF4L of Julia Allison, has not yet heard of the hot new internet translation tool, Babelfish:

I wrote down what I thought was the brand name of my new favorite pasta sauce. Turns out Sugo di Pomodoro is just “tomato sauce” in Italian.about 16 hours ago from web

In the interests of googling that shit for you, we present Babelfish. Welcome 1999, Rachel!



Rachel Joins The X-Men

Hipster twins, activate!

David Karp’s Girlfriend Rachel (legal intarnets name) has been recruited by a top secret government agency to be part of a superhero training program! Unfortunately, her powers of invisibility have not yet been perfected:

You’re in the way…

You would think Karp would be a little more supportive.



Gary Vaynadsiewur Loves Football, Or Is Having A Stroke

One for his homies.

Gary Vanwinepants gave us a sample of what he sounds like during sex yesterday as some football team did something:

HUGE GAME! Come Jets we need this one!8:02 AM Sep 20th from TweetDeck

I want to win so badabout 23 hours ago from TweetDeck

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge Game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!about 21 hours ago from TweetDeck

Yessssssssssssssabout 16 hours ago from TweetDeck

Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssabout 14 hours ago from TweetDeck

Thank uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu I live fooooooooooooooooootball!!!!!!!about 14 hours ago from TweetDeck

:):):):):):):):):):):)::):):):):):):):)about 13 hours ago from TweetDeck

Yesssssssabout 9 hours ago from TweetDeck

Jesus. If my Bubby started sounding like this we would take her to the hospital.



Someone Should Alert Ant To The Existence Of Taxis

Still waiting for his hovercraft.

Anthony De Rosa, person I can’t even be ed to google, apparently really WANTS to donate shit to charity – but it’s just too far to carry stuff.

Does the Hoboken Shelter do pick ups for clothing donations? I have a ton of stuff to hand over I just can’t carry it all over.about 11 hours ago from Twitterrific

Now, I may be wrong, but I could swear there are these yellow cars that will pick you up – right at your location! – place parcels in the trunk, and drive you to a destination in exchange for money. I’m pretty sure they even let a friend of your choice join  you in the backseat for the trip so you can have someone to help you unload all your stuff.

I don’t know if those really exist, I may have seen it on the Jetsons.



Someone Agreed To Reproduce With This Man

Thank god this dna remains in the genetic pool.

Robert Scoble, a man without a shirt, somehow got someone to remain motionless long enough to spill some seed near a vagina. The result was a bunch of tweets (also a baby, but mostly tweets):

Real time Scoble baby news (I will post small stuff here, over next 24 hours as our new baby comes to keep from… 8 hours ago from FriendFeed

@rodneyjwoodruff Maryam is resting and believe me I am serving her every need.about 7 hours ago from SimplyTweet

@jacobm baby is coming tomorrow probably. He is having his own little party and in no rush to ship. 😉about 5 hours ago from web in reply to jacobm

@manielse oh, things are finally starting to happen on the baby front. I’ll spare you all the details, gotta run! 🙂about 2 hours ago from web in reply to manielse

Ahh, little Ryan doesn’t want to come out, he’s in breech position so the doctor is preparing us for C-section birth. Less than an hour!!about 1 hour ago from web

Gotta run, little Ryan is coming soon. Excitement!about 1 hour ago from web

Hurry up and wait: [pic] minutes ago from FriendFeed

Welcome Ryan! [pic] minutes ago from FriendFeed

Ryan cries minutes ago from FriendFeed

Jesus Christ. Ya know, I hate babies in general, and I hate the spawn of oversharing tweetertons even more. Good lord. Ever since the internet was in invented (by my father, who also invented salsa) people act like they are the first people to have a wedding and the first people to give birth.

Oh. Right, so this dude’s woman had a baby. I assume her name is Maryam. Anyway, here’s what came out of her:

Oh good, the world needs more of these.

I’m sure this spectacular and unexpected end to a human pregnancy will appreciate this in 20 years. I’m sure he’ll feel awesome inside knowing the entire geedee world saw him take his first breath. Congrats to the supershary parents. I’m sure we all look forward to 950000 pics of him trying to walk or wtfever. Can’t wait!



Sexy Body Epidemic Spreads As The Allison Diet Takes Hold


Brian Van, thatgirlallison wannabe, has adopted the In-n-Out diet! Evidently it also has some libido enhancing properties as well:

[N]ow I’m staring at this double-double, unsure whether to eat it or make love to it.

Ignoring the fact that the hot tub picture of him makes me want to listen to Bloodflowers on repeat while I write in my diary about how to accept the results of cheerleader tryouts with oriental fatalism, Brian Van has a lot of sexy. Yeah baby. You like that? Mmmm suck down that dead animal. f**king hawt.



thatgirlallison Never Gets To Talk About How Healthy She Eats Again


thatgirlallison, person with seemingly no job and no purpose, wraps up another week of blogging pictures of her holding coffee and wearing glasses with the obvious: an in-n-out burger.

Nope, there’s no caption. She’s apparently in San Francisco on another one of those well earned vacations her crowd seems to take every month. So far her blog entries on the trip include pictures of stuff and then some pictures of stuff. Great shit, Allison. Enjoy your burgers and pizza, icon of healthy eating.