Shira Lazar Will Not Tolerate Inconvenience

Just chillin in my Vermont Wedding Dress

Shira Lazar, self-proclaimed empress of some country called “media”, is APPALLED do you hear, APPALLED at the dropping standard of service in America’s current cripplingly depressing economic climate!

What hairdresser only takes cash or checks? Really???29 minutes ago from TwitterBerry

But I must say its amazing what a good outfit and blowdry can do to your confidence. Its the icing on the cake!7 minutes ago from TwitterBerry

First of all, Your Serene Stupid, get over yourself and hop into a Supercuts – they take everything clear down to Mexican prepaid phone cards for payment. Second, if you are going to pitch a pony-getting-neutered level tweet out there with the REALLY MAKING MY POINT question marks then you can at least tell us where this primitive salon is. You know, so we make sure to bring cash.



Megatits Adds A Level Of Dignity To Republican Party Through Her Friendship With Slutty Myspace Midget

Leg time!

Meghan McCain, blonde chick with big tits we pretend to listen to when she’s talking about healthcare because she is a blonde chick with big tits, is hard at work shoring up the honour and classy factors of the New Republican Party by adding sexually indecisive game show vagina prizes to her stable of friends and supporters:

I am proud to call @officialTila my friend. Were both strong, scorpio, independent women. I don’t just hang out with politicians all day!6:36 PM Sep 16th from web

Within minutes of this tweet 5,329 different versions of the same Meghan/Tila fanfic were uploaded to listserv.



JLod Wraps Up The Season By Making Me Want To Smoke Pot

I don't even know.

Jakob Lodwick, the Justin Timberlake of tumblr, has posted his season one finale! It’s basically a rap song about smoking pot and I guess walking around on rooftops in hipster clothes. So basically he wrote a song about my Tuesday afternoons.

Of course that’s not how he describes the project:

I do not consider these ‘great art’ by any means. They are nothing like the transcendent visions of my imagination.

For some reason I read that with a Jack Donaghy voice in my head.

JLod has threatened to not produce a season two, and that’s just a shame. I was starting to like him – and I hate everybody, so that’s quite an accomplishment.



antikris Is Too Good For Your Shitty Job


That antikris person that you people suggested I include here is evidently unemployed, and like 80% of the country is searching for a job. But! Unlike those other desperate failures, antikris doesn’t intend to take just any stupid job:

The job search is icky.  While there are jobs, offers, and money to be had…I am not too happy with the choices and refuse to take another job that makes me unhappy.

That’s right motheras! She can afford to sit around and be selective, unlike you proles:

I refuse to go on unemployment as I think it will just allow me to accept the fact that I am not working and my work ethic will go down the toilet.  My money situation will be ok for a little while, and I can take something to get by, but I do really want to invest time to find something I dont mind waking in the morning for.  I think it would be a gift to actually enjoy what I do and I havent had that luxury thus far.

That’s right! Follow your passion! Refuse to do any job that doesn’t make you want to get up in the morning! At least you aren’t like those lazy asses who go on unemployment. What a bunch of no work ethic having bums, right? Maybe if you people were more awesome, your money situation would “be ok for a little while” and you could take the time to find something you “actually enjoy”. Thank goodness antikris knows what’s really important. Priorities, people.



unoriginalgirlallison Can't Figure Out Google

everyone has already done that, allison

thatgirlallison, Julia Allison wannabe and “new media” starer, is taking a page out of her idol’s failbook and crowdsourcing things to do in SF:

I’ve been asking my friends who are from or are familiar with the Bay Area for suggestions of places to go and things to do that I wouldn’t find in my Time Out New York guidebook.

Well ok, are you done then? You have  your list ready, your plans all drawn up? Of course not. That would prevent you from bragging about the plans you already have!

So last chance – any suggestions for what I should do?  Brian will also be in town over the weekend, and two of my former bosses at Max Merchandise will be in town [and seeing American Idiot as well] on Thursday/Friday.  I probably will go try to see my friend in Wicked if I can score a cheap seat, and catch American Idiot again (depending again upon if I can get a ticket).

So any last tips/things I must see/cheap places to eat?

It’s your last chance to tell her to go  [redacted redacted oh god would I be sued, they can’t read what I’m thinking right? redacted].



Gary Vanswiqoslauck Needs To Know Your Plans

You vill tell me all I need to know Dr. Jones.

Gary Vaynerdhugger, evil overlord of all the GOOD wine, clearly intends to  put his Total Wine Domination plan into effect today. He is asking people to forward their Outlook Calendars for the day in an attempt to strategically position Kevin Nose and That Other Guy for attack:

What r u doing today? Like in the big picture senseabout 3 hours ago from TweetDeck

Tsk tsk, Vaynerator. We are not so gullible. You can just figure it out yourself.



Kevin Rose And President Barry Would Like To Stimulate Your Package

I want YOU

Kevin Rose,  founder of a company and lover of stars, has teamed up with Our Nation’s Savior to maybe get your lazy ass off funemployment!

Spoke w/Obama today, he wanted me to mention to you guys that we have some job openings at Digg: 13 hours ago from Tweetie

Ohhhh shit! You can work next to…that guy up there! Better go buy some Scope, because your resume won’t be the only thing you’re polishing.