Healthy Living Blogging

Smugging Down The Aisle: KERF’s Second Wedding

As some take vows to renounce their Kathy hate, KERF prepares to vow to stay beige, vanilla, and ready to eat after eight hours in a fridge.

That’s right, KERF Wedding II is almost here and Kathy has posted a fascinating look at her last minute preparations.

WE ARE IN THE FINAL STRETCH OF WEDDING PLANNING, FRIENDS! Things like “write vows” and “practice dancing” remain on our to-do list…We have crossed off so many other things!

Things like buying an outfit for her son who suddenly looks like a 10 year old (I swear she just gave birth, time flies when someone bores you to death). I guess his outfit is going to be a navy blazer, khakis, and some kind of ‘Thurston Howell goes to Easter services with Kiel James Patrick’ looking bow tie. This tough decision finally reached KERF was free to pursue her goal of choosing the most whelming cakes offered by the entire wedding cake industry.

It is going to be served family style, and cake flavors… a vanilla layer for her and a chocolate layer for him!

They got their marriage license and the accompanying photo contains so much smug I can’t include it here, because the combined KERF marriage smug and my post-kitchen-tile-victory smug might make GOMI collapse and disappear into a void like a churro in the same zip code as Eric Hites.

“CUSTOM NAPKINS HAVE ARRIVED!” she squealed next, and described how she “ordered a set of coordinating patterns…I love them, and I’m excited to keep using them for the years to come!” Um, grool, I guess.

Finally she shares a “great marriage e-book” she read. Marriage, according to her favorite part of the book, “is eliminating anything from your life—even the things you love—if they are keeping you from attending, caring, and serving” your spouse. She concludes by asking her readers for the “best marriage advice” they had heard, and at that point she presumably dumped herself back into a mason jar to absorb more smugmilk before her nuptuals.

  1. RESPECT the Stay at Home Purse Mom

    At the tine I made this comment, KERF has 54 comments. I remember when she would have triple digits in just a couple of hours.

    Her napkins are bland and wrinkled. Kind of like her life. I’m just surprised she has made Thomas bleach his teeth.

  2. Daisy

    Will the dress be chevron or rose gold? Will the cake be cake-y or doughy? One taco or two? Inquiring minds want to know!

  3. BeginningsChang

    He looks like Bath Matt. Our gal Kath has a type yo.

  4. PricklyPete

    Is she going to go with the copper blush again??
    There’s going to be so much rose gold.
    I’m picturing lanterns in a barn setting, kind of 2011 Lumineers style.

  5. mommy of two under five

    ABSOLUTELY HATE smugs who wear sunglasses like that…i mean i cant stand that class of smuggery…and for crying out loud Kath..this is your SECOND marriage dont ask for marriage advice!,..didnt you learn nothing from your previous one?…bcs, like…the papers are still warm tho

  6. Purple21

    Wow, what a depressing marriage advice book. Eliminate anything/ anyone that prevents you from attending and serving your spouse. No more Girls Nights Out for Kerf!!

  7. sponsoredcontent

    You forgot to mention that the “her” layer is vanilla and the “him” layer is chocolate because #oppositesattract. Um, no Kathy. You are attracted to the exact same bland dark-haired guy you married the first time.

    • mommy of two under five

      didnt on the first wedding they had the same?…or very simmilar

  8. King James Virgin Only

    That marriage e-book sounds like something that belongs over on the fundie thread.

  9. jsnarky83

    Wow it’s almost like she’s done this before… if I were her friend I would be so annoyed that she’s acting like this is her first wedding. She didn’t even have a gap between relationships!

    • sponsoredcontent

      It does take a certain kind of willful ignorance for 10-15 women to be like, “Yay you! Never mind that we know you because your child plays with our children and we had dinner with your ex-husband a gazillion times, you should definitely do the whole bachelorette/massive registry/custom napkins thing!” I mean, I’m very, very happy for divorced friends who find the right person after so much heartache, but no I will not listen endlessly to the merits of a rustic- vs grande society themed wedding or go try on 87 pairs of plastic-jewel-encrusted shoes.