Mommy Blogging

That Wife Will Tell You About Selfhood

Jenna Cole, dedicated full time mom and wife, was deeply inspired by #internationalwomensday. She took to instagram to explain why she’s an amazing feminist.

…this image caught my attention and seems the most relevant to what I’m working through right now as a woman…I completely skipped the decade of life normally dedicated to self-exploration and -definition, and it is crucial for me to make up lost time…I am Jenna, first. And once my needs and dreams are defined and addressed I can start working to assist those around me with theirs.

You go, girl! Lord knows Jenna could use more ‘me time‘ what with the 24/7 work at home mothering she does. When someone pointed out that finding herself need not be exclusive to being a wife, mother, daughter, or sister, she responded that if anyone feels “frustrated or shocked or confused” by her position on the matter, she is “not the one who can help you understand”. She then told people to “not to be so literal about statements regarding the definition of Self and Personhood”.




  1. Another day another struggle

    “And once my needs and dreams are defined and addressed I can start working to assist those around me with theirs.”

    She’s obviously set herself up to never have to assist anyone else as her needs and dreams will never be defined much less addressed because they change on a daily basis.


    • Orangey

      “Assist those around me”?? “Those around [you]” are your CHILDREN. The children YOU CHOSE TO HAVE! This isn’t some volunteer group you’re not quite sure you’re able to devote free time and energy to yet.

      God, this woman makes me rage. If you don’t have your shit together, don’t have kids. And FFS, don’t have ANOTHER kid after that. You don’t get to check out of motherhood until you feel you’re a whole, complete, fulfilled, finished product of a person. You do the very best you can everyday to be the mother your kids deserve.


  2. Andrea

    Wait, I was supposed to dedicate a decade of my life to self exploration and definition? I definitely did not get that memo


    • Dorothy Zbornak

      Yeah, who the f**k gets a decade? And what does she imagine that entails? I spent the years before I had kids (and since) working, not participating in a decade-long Saturnalian personal-growth-fest. Growth and exploration arise out of actually doing shit. Also, why should childbearing and self-exploration (whatever that means) be mutually exclusive? Also it was her f**king choice. Also shut up, Jenna.


    • Matching Adult Sized Care Bear Undies

      I’m assuming she means 20-30 years old? I had that decade because I had my first child at age 30. You know what? I still didn’t (still don’t) know who I am or what I want. That decade was spent doubting myself a lot and feeling bored and angsty when I grew out of partying.

      I don’t think you ever reach this magical point in your life where your cup of self-exploration is full, you know exactly who you are and what you are meant to do, and you move on to the next stage. Life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes the “me cup” is close to full, sometimes it has a slow leak. Sometimes you have to set it aside to help others fill up their cups, then come back to it later. Life is not lived in lineal stages defined by pre-determined decades.

      But I guess it’s easier to keep whining about your “lost decade” so you can continue to be as selfish as you wanna be, than take action to get yourself into a good mental state NOW for your children’s sake.

      I mean, seriously…..who thinks their 20s were better than the 30s? Even with kids, I feel way more secure and calm now than I did back then. But I was a bit of a basketcase in my 20s… 😛


      • The Life Changing Magic of Doing Things You Dont Like To Do Because Youre an Adult

        You seriously could not pay me enough money to go back to my 20s. Being constantly unsure of myself, sharing shitty apartments with roommates, living paycheck to paycheck, working my ass off at both a job and school, etc. Jenna is a spoiled brat who has always gotten everything she wanted without having to sacrifice anything — and that’s her biggest problem. She has no concept of what it’s really like to have to defer desires and struggle and hustle, so she’s just a bottomless pit of needs.


        • JIF

          But that’s not what would have happened to her. It would have been JUST like Sex and the City or whatever else show she thinks is TOTALLY REALISTIC. She would have spent the last decade (decade!) totally enjoying life, partying, and going from one exciting thing to the next. I mean, isn’t that what you expected life to be like at 16 years old too??


          • Sloth Snuggling Sasquatch

            She thinks ‘Friends‘ is real, that everyone outside of Mormonia spent their post-teen years like those drippy, grinning idiots.

            Jenna – ‘Friends‘ isn’t a docusoap like ‘Jersey Shore‘. Log the f**k out of Netflix, get your f**king act together, and start parenting the children YOU chose to bring into the world.


    • Wait... What.

      I got married at 20. Baby at 24. Divorced at 34. When was I supposed to find myself?


    • so materialistic and unnecessary- thatwife's $4,000 photo booth

      Well Jenna should divorce that arsehole – and give him custody- and go suck a dick and see if that is fulfilling, since that is what she wants. Drink party etc – go do it. I HATEthat her children have to be ringside for this shitshow. Lots of mothers leave their families, and if that’s what she wants she should do the responsible thing and choose, but that b**** wants to have all the freedom but also hide behind the shield of motherhood, and for that she deserves the to be unhappy for eternity


      • YouGuise

        Something else, adding to what you just said: not only is she the world’s c**tiest mom, but it is all documented right here on the good old Interwebs. So, all those shitty feels she has about her children interrupting her Caltrain handjob-LNO-day drinking-light chasing wonderlife, will be right here for them to read about when they get old enough. And then they’ll see this site where people pointed out what a god-awful mom she is and how she completely ignored it. I just….can’t. We all have our parental meltdowns, but Jenna doesn’t even try to be an ADEQUATE (not even good) parent.


  3. The Life Changing Magic of Doing Things You Dont Like To Do Because Youre an Adult

    “Once my needs and dreams are defined…”

    LOL. In other words, get used to fending for yourself and filling Mommy Dearest’s bucket for the foreseeable future, because that shit is going to take a lifetime for her to figure out. Jenna will be chasing that moving target of “needs,” “dreams,” and “happiness” for f**king ever.


  4. Strangers on a Train GOMI knows what this means

    And she is deleting posts on that IG thread because they arent sensitive to her POV, so theres that.

    Glad to see ThatIdiot back on GOMI front page. I thought she had lost her edge.


  5. game over bro

    Those kids really lost the mommy lottery.


  6. Squeegee Beckenheim

    I agree with the IG commenter who said the image is intended to support victims of sexual abuse. She (or someone else, I suppose) took it way out of context and made it all about herself.


    • A Murder of Crows Feet

      This! One of her commenters who’s generally saying “You go girl!” (but who I sometimes suspect is just a very subtle troll) posted this link, and Jenna deleted it: https://thoughtcatalog.com/anne-theriault/2013/03/i-am-not-your-wife-sister-or-daughter-i-am-a-person/

      She’s taken a statement about how men need to recognize that women have full personhood in their own right, not just because of how they are related to men, and interpreted it as justification for Jenna putting her own needs before anyone else’s.

      Classic Jenna.


    • Another day another struggle

      Well her needs and dreams come first! Get in line behind her victims of sexual abuse.


      • JIF

        She’ll get to you when she’s darn good and ready. She missed out on getting passed-out drunk at someone’s party. All you other people that have real needs and real problems of our own are just going to have to WAIT.


    • Saint Dorothy Mantooth

      Excuse YOU, but Jenna ” [does] not believe in narrowly defining art or targeting those who meaningfully interpret creative works because their interpretation does not match what you have chosen. A world where art is monothematic is a sad world to imagine.”


      • Busted Coccyx Club

        Oh Jenna, honey…tumblr_m1374kgNRl1ql5yr7o1_400.gif


      • snarchimedes

        She is so dumb! That’s like if I took a graphic created by the Black Lives Matter movement and said “I’ve been really thinking about doing nice things for my dog lately. She’s black! Her life matters!” Like, you don’t get to just say you are reinterpreting a creative work if it is a work clearly designed to express a political message and you are turning it into an exercise in navel-gazing.

        At the very least she should have said “I know that this refers to sexual assault survivors, and I support their need to be recognized as full humans. But I also see some parallels in my need to take charge of my own life and not define myself by my value to others.” Or something. That would still be offensive but not quite as tone deaf.


      • Dorothy Zbornak

        Picasso’s Guernica really speaks to me, it represents the civil war in my soul….what do you mean, it depicts the Spanish Civil War? How could you define art so narrowly?


  7. Guerilla in the Midst

    ME ME ME ME ME MEEEEEE
    stuart_smalley.jpg


    • JIF

      This is begging for Jenna’s image to be put in the mirror reflection. But I lack the photoshop skills. I’m begging Universe! First get Jenna two bookings for wedding photography to make her Bridal Expo worth it, THEN please deliver me this request!


      • Patchy Blurry Bits

        h25d822a7[img]https://s11.postimg.org/h25d822a7/jenna_mirror.jpg[/img][/url][/IMG]


      • Patchy Blurry Bits

        I did it and posted it but I can’t see it showing up…


        • passionately putting my scrunched up nose to the grindstone

          Here you go:

          jenna_mirror.jpg


  8. A Murder of Crows Feet

    Is it cool to post the comments she’s deleted? This one is very telling:

    “First off, I think there’s a difference between “putting your oxygen mask on first” and going after dreams. One is survival mode and one is ambition. I do not know where you find yourself on the spectrum but let me just say, as someone who rarely comments, my observation is that no matter what you do/try/give up, your happiness always seems fleeting. Like once I’m not Mormon, once I have childcare, once I get into coding, once I finish bootcamp, once TH is home more/helps out more, once…(fill in any post topic). You’re never just happy BEING in the stage of life you’re in. Every other post is, “I’ve never been happier,” and then, “this isn’t working for me.” And as someone who has known you since high school and sincerely care, I hope you can get that figured out. For your whole family’s sake. Your children are watching your every move and are taking notes.”

    When people who know you IRL say the same things that your anonymous haterz say, they might just be onto something. But don’t contradict Jenna. She’s busy Telling Her Truth, and her truth is the only truth that matters.


    • Delusions of Adequacy

      I really liked her comment that basically says “I’m deleting comments because I don’t want to read you disagreeing with me. I have a Facebook that has my supporters on it and I get all my head pats and yes men reactions there and that is all I want.”


      • Guerilla in the Midst

        She’s an emotional vampire and reality is sunshine.


        • Spackled toddler sock monkey

          Cannot THIS this enough.


        • honey badger dont care

          I regret that I have only one this to give to this comment.


        • The Patriarchy's Money

          I’m so close to changing my name to Emotional Vampire…..


      • Friend of a friend

        Pretty sure that has been shut down unless she started a new one. After the last leak she called them b****es, said she couldn’t trust anyone and would only be online friends with new friends.


        • Bort Sampson

          Of course, because she’s a fully grown child!


    • Matching Adult Sized Care Bear Undies

      Wowza. That is telling. I realize by reading that, that I have a friend a lot like that. Not nearly as cuh-ray-zee as Jenna, but her focus is always on “that one thing that will finally make me happy.” Then she achieves that one thing, and when it’s not absolutely perfect, she’s whining about the next thing she needs to finally make her happy.

      I have watched this woman land a well-paying job that she can do from home, buy a house on a golf course, and marry a stellar guy. But to talk to her, you’d think she’s just barely hanging on in life and everything is crashing down and is terrible.

      I have dialed back the amount of time I spend with her because of it!! That type of behavior is just exhausting and it drives people away. Does Jenna have any real-life, non-internet friends left?


      • Dorothy Zbornak

        I, too, have a friend like this. 10 years ago I made more than she did (not a lot more) and she would attempt to guilt-trip me by saying things like “If only I were in your position…” Guess what? Now she makes quite a bit more than I do, owns a big house, and is still miserable. She’s constantly taking up new hobbies and then giving them up when she realizes they involve effort. Setting goals is great but you have to recognize that attaining them will only do so much for your general well-being.


      • potatohead

        It is the triumphant cry of the chronically unhappy who aren’t aware they’re unhappy. (No hate; I used to be one of them) People cling onto this idea of a shiny ring that will solve all their problems, and when they get that shiny ring, they can’t figure out why they still aren’t happy.

        Thing is, most people (who aren’t self-absorbed narcissists like Jenna) eventually realize that self-actualization comes from within, and that no diet/job/relationship/move/travel opportunity is ever going to make it easier to live with yourself.


    • Guerilla in the Midst

      The sad shame is her truth is never Truth at all, she so painfully has no idea what Truth is. I can’t imagine being so unenlightened let alone not feeling completely embarrassed to tell anyone let alone everyone. It’s gross.


  9. HamalaSmrt

    raw


  10. A Murder of Crows Feet

    And then there’s this comment, which she deleted. When people who know you IRL say the same thing that your anonymous haterz say, they just might have a point. But Jenna’s too busy Telling Her Truth to listen.

    “First off, I think there’s a difference between “putting your oxygen mask on first” and going after dreams. One is survival mode and one is ambition. I do not know where you find yourself on the spectrum but let me just say, as someone who rarely comments, my observation is that no matter what you do/try/give up, your happiness always seems fleeting. Like once I’m not Mormon, once I have childcare, once I get into coding, once I finish bootcamp, once TH is home more/helps out more, once…(fill in any post topic). You’re never just happy BEING in the stage of life you’re in. Every other post is, “I’ve never been happier,” and then, “this isn’t working for me.” And as someone who has known you since high school and sincerely care, I hope you can get that figured out. For your whole family’s sake. Your children are watching your every move and are taking notes.”


    • A Murder of Crows Feet

      (Oops, sorry for double-posting. I thought my first one had disappeared.)


    • A Murder of Crows Feet

      Can I not reply to my own post? I was trying to say, sorry for the double post, I didn’t see it show up the first time.

      I bet the next time I hit “refresh”, both my apologies for double-posting will show up. I can’t win.

      ETA: yup, that’s what happened. I need to learn to leave well enough alone.


      • potatohead

        All comments are currently being moderated, so that’s why they take a while to come up.


        • A Murder of Crows Feet

          Ah, that explains it. Thanks.

          (Whoever is “noping” about post moderation – Alice needs to do what she needs to do to cover her backside and keep the forum running. Let’s respect that.)


          • Purple21

            There are a suspiciously high number of Nopes on a lot of these comments. Jenna/ Jenma/ Jennibobo/ and Jenna Nichole must be out in force tonight.


            • The Patriarchy's Money

              Yes! Many have exactly 4 notes. Hi, Jenna’s friends!!! #tribe


  11. NOPE

    For 6 years I have been mommying and adulting all wrong! It really IS all about me.


    • creatively creating creations

      Better take 6 years off from giving a shit about your kids to make up for that lost time!


    • The stupid is strong

      What? Who did you think it was about? the CHILDREN???

      Seriously, my kids are grown and out of the house and it is still very rarely about me.


    • eskimotoby

      oh awesome! this is great to know. now i can take my kids out of their activities, stop giving a hoot about their schoolwork, tell my parents they’re on their own while my mom recovers from open heart surgery and leave all the housework for my husband to do when he gets home from work so i can spend all day every day finding myself and defining my dreams!


      • Curator of my Children's Privacy

        And chasing the light. You should definitely try to take some time out of your busy day to chase the light because it will feed your soul.


  12. creatively creating creations

    She’s trolling. She’s probably twirlclapping and pissing her Dear Kates over this article.


  13. Dorothy Zbornak

    Her wording is so weird. She’s not a good writer. giphy.gif




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