For at least a month after a birthday everytime some 19 year old mentions some “omg old” whatever I want to punch their face. Now it’s time for Kevin Rose to have a taste of my fist I guess.

Ye olde Kevin took a moment out of his busy schedule of buying vintage converse and ordering ironic tees to mention a 15 year old game he probably played in diapers:

i haven’t played the original zelda in forever – going to download for the wii and play it this weekend – such a great game about 9 hours ago from Tweetie

Oh you are so old Kevin. You know what Zelda reminds ME of? Sitting at MIT pining over Mudge never noticing I was alive, and wondering who was going to be at the LARP that Sunday while I tried to figure out what the Zelda was about. You were sitting in a wind up baby swing pooping yourself. You can’t handle the Zelda, mkay? Better stick with that totally retro game “Halflife”, or wooo get old tyme and break out the Q3A!

Damn kids, you have to ruin everything. Get off my interlawns.

Sarah Lacy is still struggling through her book (which is obviously going to be some 7 volume behemoth about intarnets on Earth) because she’s STILL SICK. She’s been bleeting about being sick for what seems like months, but at last she is taking her contagion to a professional:

three weeks of feeling sick and i’m *finally* ready to go to a doctor. only trouble? closed for mlk. sob. 5:00 PM Jan 18th from web

She’s also continuing to inform us that despite her illness she has been heroically writing her book. Yeah. Way to soldier on, Sarah:

ok sick or not, i gotta get about 1,000 words done. 7:23 PM Jan 18th from web

In farley’s writing. How did I forget how hard writing a book is? about 18 hours ago from txt

Sarah might be too sick to feel like working on her book, but she’s dang sure well enough to go on a ski getaway with her two husbands!

trying to get some book writing done before heading up to tahoe with @sadkids and @paulcarr 1:56 PM Jan 15th from web

It must have been fun for the happy couple to put up with Sarah pissing and bortching about feeling crappy. I can’t wait for the doctor update. She probably picked something up in whatever smelly country she just visited.

OMGBEARS McCarthy is in Costa Rica with friends or something after not sleeping in a gutter, even though Sarah Lacy would probably tell her it’s the same thing or something equally tactful.

So Bears is trotting around on top of volcanos. Bears…volcanos hate you. You know this. Your eyes:VolcanosWinona Ryder:dramatic roles. But you never listen to me, do you? And what was the result?

Sadly, we didn’t see it erupt for real (i.e. pyrotechnics way better than anything in Vegas), but when Travis and I were somewhere in the middle of a canopy zipline tour, it started thundering and spewing out rocks. They’d previously asked us to make sure we parked our car facing out so that we could get out more easily in the event that Arenal got really ticked off. Yeah, uh, no big deal.

That’s right, Bears. You pissed off the earth and now there are canos blowing and more aftershocks in Haiti, and I think I saw a bird flying backwards this morning. SUNGLASSES, Bears. For everyone’s safety!

Shira Lazar, whose entire career is based on the fact that she can stand around with her tits shoved out, wants to share her opinion of Heidi Montag, whose entire career is based on the fact that she bought some tits she can stand around shoving out.

anyone read that heidi montag story about all her surgery? so ridiculous! that obsession is not a way of life, it’s a disease about 9 hours ago from TweetDeck

First of all: really, Shira? You are some kind of newsy CBS person or something. Don’t you have more newsworthy items to spend your time on?

Second: Bitch, puhleez. You are the last person to start telling other women to stop thinking about their looks. Everything you wear is showing off your tits, and I have yet to see you miss a chance to use your looks to get something.

Let’s face it, poodle – you’re not the brightest crayon in the box. You don’t have a lot of original insight into any world events. Your writing blows, and your camera presence is about as stimulating as nap time at a nursing home.  If you start skipping the stairmaster and tuck away those waterbras you’d be a waitress at a HoJo’s in half a year. You HAVE to look good. It’s all ya got.

In other words, stfu, Judgy McHypocrite.

Robert Scoble, familiar with all intarnet traditions,  is happy to explain the tubez to you!

EtherRubix: What’s VPN? I saw one of your tweets and it got my wheels turning @Scobleizer about 1 hour ago from web

Scobleizer: @EtherRubix a VPN is Virtual Public Network: way to get on web while hiding what you are doing. 37 minutes ago from Tweetie in reply to EtherRubix

Virtual Public Network: LOL DOIN IT WRONG.

Nick McGlynn, the David Cassidy of our time (kids, ask your mom), is using Foursquare just like everyone else. I don’t understand Foursquare because I never leave my apartment. Apparently you can be a Mayor or Superstar or something by earning different “badges”, making it some  kind of advanced d & d for bars I guess. Anyway, Nick wants to know:

Why have I not gotten the “Gym Rat” Foursquare badge?!

Well, Foursquare? What do you have to say for yourself?

What are you doing three months from now? That’s right – you’ll be sitting at home while thatgirlallison celebrates another year of life at a party she probably thinks Peter Feld or the Gawker staff will throw for her.

three months until my birthday! about 5 hours ago from web

When did it become a thing to start planning 3-6 months in advance for a birthday? People really need 120 days advance planning, just to celebrate  another year of converting oxygen to carbon dioxide? Bitch please. You can tweet a countdown and email the media squids every day; nobody of note is going to be organizing some awesome party that will be covered by GofG and Gawker. Nobody cares about your birthday, Allison.

In other news, my birthday is this coming Wednesday, January 20th.