The Instagram Thirsty Begin Freaking Out Over Platform Changes

Instagram, the social media platform where boring people can make their lives look amazing, is changing their display algorithm to prioritize posts they think you’ll like the most instead of displaying your feed in chronological order. Naturally this means the intarwebs needs to freak out.

Even Kendall Jenner is complaining about the algorithm armageddon despite instagram saying they “assure you nothing is changing with your feed right now”. Unfortunately all the notification begging is having the opposite effect, turning some followers off a feed completely. No matter – the instagram famous will probably all quit the platform in protest, sort of like how they all quit pinterest when that platform started forbidding affiliate linking. Oh wait.

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Hey Natalie Jean Can Kon-Mari Correctly

Hey Natalie Jean, so minimalist that she needs a storage unit, is giving Kon-Mari another try.

This post came on the heels of Natty surrounded by a pile of collaboration clothes and telling us “the more denim the better”.

So I guess the idea of Kon-Mari is to throw out everything and get all new stuff every 3 months? Or no? Because that’s what all the bloggers pushing it seem to be doing.

Lifestyle Blogging

‘Natalie Now’ Doesn’t Really Care How You Do It, But She Will Tell You How To Do It

Natalie Now, the former Mormon In Manhattan who is now a Mormon in Utah, continues to be the most pregnant woman who ever pregnanted. She has lots of tips for you other pregnant ladies, including how to pose for your bump pics.

See, Natalie believes that “preg or not, my hand doesn’t need to touch my pubic bone!” Of course, she doesn’t really care that much. When someone commented “it’s not really about posting what other people want to see or not see right?” Natalie responded “you do you! Who cares?!”

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Gala Darling Will Teach You To Cure Yourself

Gala Darling, boob job feminist, has announced her latest woo filled moneymaking scheme. She will now charge you lucky people $145 for a class on “Emotional Freedom Technique”. Her sales pitch is pretty strong:

I discovered tapping in 2006 and the first thing I used it for was to clear myself of the daily asthma attacks I’d been experiencing since I was 10 years old…I tapped to dismantle the depression that had plagued me since the age of 13, and then — in one night — tapped to stop my eating disorder in its tracks.

Her system is a “combination of written and video content which shows you the basics of tapping”, and she says it will also have “a bundle of scripts” to help you “heal” specific issues.

If $145 sounds like a lot to cure your asthma and depression, you can pre-order it right now for $95 and then wait until it’s released in mid-April. I’m tempted to purchase it just to see what kind of 50 page not-promising-anything disclaimer she includes. I mean, people can’t possibly really expect to cure extremely serious medical and mental health issues by tapping their wrists…right?

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Love Taza Went To Australia And A Tech Conference And It Was All Very Thrilling

Naomi and Josh Davis, of the Von Derp Family Traveling Circus, took their omglittles to Australia. They have now posted a vlog of their journey and it’s a wonderful video featuring their kids being obnoxious for a day and a half.

Highlights include their kids tearing around the airport screeching while Derp sits on the ground on his phone sorting out their visas, their kids spending hours on the plane screeching and reaching through the seats at each other, their baby opening a cup and flinging water, their kids climbing all over the plane, and one of their precious heavenly gifts rattling a Hungry Hungry Hippos toy.

Unfortunately poor Mamajaw had to tolerate some people who apparently didn’t know how lucky they were to be in the presence of the famous Davis family.

we did encounter our first not-so-nice person on one of our flights in australia who maybe made me cry which was super fun

But she goes on to say “we were also fortunate on several of our flights to have empty seats around us, which was crazy amazing as we were able to spread out a little bit more and sleep” which, from the video it doesn’t look like a lot of sleep was happening but ok.

About five minutes after they returned from Australia they went to speak at some RootsTech conference and did some interview where they “shared” why it’s “important to tell your story”. As usual they blather out a lot of words but don’t really SAY anything. Blah blah the usual Mormon thing of loving journaling, we are inspiring people with our everyday lives, what we do is super important, millions of people just can’t seem to stop being fascinated with us and watch all our videos. Which, ok, great; but what does all of this REALLY MEAN for their family as a whole in the long run? They are obviously a branded family now. Broadcasting their life is a business for them. Why not talk about the long term implications of selling their family’s lives to the highest bidder like the Kardashians? Like, where do they honestly see this going in 5 years? In 10? Enough with the lil ole us and our lil ole sharing the little joys sales spiel – we’ve all heard it a thousand times. Maybe they got into all that deeper stuff in their actual talk, but this interview just seemed like they were there to yet again recite their public relations ‘about us’ crap so it was kind of pointless imo.

Anyway, there’s your update on what the increasingly boring never-ending vacationing Derps have been up to, for the 9 of you who care.

Lifestyle Blogging

Essena O’Neill Will Work In A Bar Now

Essena O’Neill, the teenager who made a big deal about getting off social media, has taken to emailing her ‘fans’ to keep them updated. In her latest email update she repeats the story of her amazing fame and beauty, in case you forgot she was famous and beautiful.

I grew up being a teen idle…I became signed with one of Australia’s biggest modelling agencies in a matter of weeks…meeting with lots of different agencies and having proposals for major modelling and YouTube deals…I told my family, ‘I can’t do this. I don’t want to model. I don’t want to even be on social media, it’s just not for me anymore.’…Of course they thought I was going crazy. Why give up a preposed [sic] $50,000 Youtube deal? Five or six shoots already waiting for me in Sydney?

And on and on…and on and on. She blathers on about how her “truth” captions made her even more famous, in case you forgot she was famous. So famous. She was “idolised”, a word she uses repeatedly.

The point of her neverending ramble seems to be her announcement that she is “getting a job at a local bar and pursuing writing full time.” She has now shut down Let’s Be Game Changers, even though she claims “this site had 5 million unique visitors”; the site now simply says she is “currently writing first book” which is apparently going to be about how to get social media famous. She is also claiming she wants to write sci-fi novels, which has “been my dream since I was 12”.

She evidently gave all the donation money to cyberbullying charities, and closes by telling everyone “please if I could say one last thing don’t idolise me”.

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Gala Darling Gets Radical Boob Job

Gala Darling, the “international playgirl” trying to be a “self-love” guru, has some feminist news. Five months after finally announcing the end of her marriage Gala has revealed she went under the knife and got a new pair of juicers.

In a rambling post she says she “never hated my B cups, and in fact, I never really thought about their size until this summer” (so, basically when she started dating a new guy? hm) and “started thinking about getting a boob job”. So she talked to a doctor and within hours was consulting an astrologist to determine the best date for the surgery. She claims post-surgery she “didn’t feel groggy at all…so I asked for my phone and started texting people”. She spent the day after surgery meditating and watching tv, and had “no bruising and practically zero pain”.

The next day, Thursday, I was back to normal life. I was on Periscope at 12.30pm, went for a walk, and was — for all intents and purposes — on track again. Every day, my chest became less tight and I had more range of motion. (Two weeks after surgery, I was able to do body weight exercise, and I returned to my normal exercise routine — using resistance — yesterday.)

After paragraphs of justification and dismissal of anyone judging her for basically tossing aside all her self-acceptance and self-love teachings, she tells us “In my opinion — which, let’s face it, is the only one that matters — it looks great.” She closed by saying a boob job has nothing to do with feminism, before instagramming a picture of her new boobs crammed into a sports bra with the word “feminist” on it.