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Internets WTF Mandy, attended Northwestern, recently wrote a rambling blather of a post about waking up her old writing teacher in the middle of the night. You see, James Foley attended Northwestern. Mandy also attended Northwestern, where she took writing classes from a professor at Northwestern. Northwestern. Anyway, the post is basically Mandy trying in some ham fisted way to make the murder of a journalist in Iraq all about Mandy, and that it hit her harder than anyone else…because James Foley attended Northwestern, and so did Mandy, and Mandy is also a “journalist”. Or something. If you’re confused, don’t worry – so was pretty much anyone else who read her post. When people started commenting with critical feedback, Mandy did what any professional journalist would do – went on a buhlete spree. Over 100 comments were removed, and when commenters complained, Mandy used her Northwestern journalistic training to solve that problem as well. After commenters began emailing xoJane staff asking WTF was going on, Mandy apparently had a change of heart. Deleted comments are reappearing, and Mandy says it all happened because she had a bad day. Such journalist! So in the same peer group as James Foley. She then went on to claim all accounts have been unbanned, though many users are disputing this. Really, how CAN we? Ann says her tweet was “meant as a hyperbolic underscoring of American consumerist frivolity in relation to the world’s actual problems” so, ya know, get a sense of humor you oversensitive nitpickers.
Reese Witherspoon, actress, took a page out of Cup of Jo’s copy of Shakespeare’s Greatest Quotes by posting this bizarre attribution to her instagram. Thanks to the internet I’m starting to think Shakespeare and Eleanor Roosevelt are the only two people in history who ever said anything. Jen Gotch, runs some kind of online store or something, was driving down Sunset in her car, which she does not live in, when she saw a moment worthy of instagram. Some followers were shocked, telling Jen to “offer compassion and empathy, not exploitation”, while others reacted with lols, saying “Are you sure that’s a lady? Haha”. Still others waved their banners of support, telling Jen they see the image as part of her “quest to find what it is to intentionally live your life with grace and gratitude”. Jen basically flipped dissenters the bird, telling them “your rush to judgment and public shaming of me is not welcome here” before posting a picture of a kitten because things “got extremely out of hand in that last post”. Jen is clearly over the debate, saying it’s been “Such an interesting week. Thanks for all of the really really kind words and for the criticism, too. I don’t know most of you personally so I take both the good and bad with a grain of salt. I love salt.” Matt Walsh, probably owns a satin shirt, decided to use his platform today to expound upon the death of beloved celebrity Robin Williams. After tweeting a statement saying “When we talk about depression we shouldn’t pawn the whole thing off on “chemical imbalances””, he decided to write a post titled “Robin Williams didn’t die from a disease, he died from his choice”. It’s a tragic choice, truly, but it is a choice, and we have to remember that. Your suicide doesn’t happen to you; it doesn’t attack you like cancer or descend upon you like a tornado. It is a decision made by an individual. A bad decision. Always a bad decision. Going on to say he doesn’t understand how religious people can “declare unequivocally” that depression is solely a physical problem, he reiterates that if you take your own life, it’s your fault. First, suicide does not claim anyone against their will. No matter how depressed you are, you never have to make that choice. That choice. Whether you call depression a disease or not, please don’t make the mistake of saying that someone who commits suicide “died from depression.” No, he died from his choice. He died by his own hand. But don’t worry, Matt has the answer, claiming “we can debate medication dosages and psychotherapy treatments, but, in the end, joy is the only thing that defeats depression”. Maybe Matt should get in touch with Sally at Already Pretty, since she seems to think you can overcome depression by just getting out of your pajama pants. JoAnn, of the facebook group “JoAnn’s blog”, has a few thoughts on the use of the word gay. Actually, she has a lot of thoughts about it. And many feelings too, apparently. I tried to use my thesaurus to find the original English translation of the word “gay.” And guess what? There literally was no comparative word, none, nada, zip! It’s like the word gay no long is to be used to describe and giddy feeling. JoAnn continued her search for clarity and “thesaurused” other words: I keyed in the words “queer” and “fairy” and feminine and got the exact English translations to their definitions. So why not the word homosexual? Because for all the whooplah and coming out of the closet celebrations, homosexuals are still ashamed. And IMHO, they should be. After telling you to be ashamed of being gay, she goes on to admonish you for…not being proud of it? If you are not ashamed of your decisions, then straight up say so. You announce to the world you are gay? You parade around, or should I say “sash-ay” around, tilting your heads and wiggling touches, looking like you’re available for an afternoon or twilight delight…If you are a man, than for God’s sake, stop acting femmie! It’s gross. Act like a man!! But don’t think “straight up say so” means you can actually “say so” around JoAnn! The minute they say, “I’m gay” you immediately know HOW they have sex with a MAN, the only way a man can have sex with a man…I don’t give a flyin flip what you do in your private life, so STOP INFORMING ME OF IT. It’s not just gay men JoAnn hates. She apparently hates heterosexual women as well, telling them to stop “behaving like gutter trash, like slut-slop”, and saying you need to act like a woman instead of a “dike” because “you are telling everyone that you are no different than a skanky, sloppy seconds smellin’ whore”. JoAnn enters the home stretch by telling the internets that she knows “I’ve convinced every homosexual reader that I can be labeled a homophobic. (I totally am not!)” before going on to tell you to stop “acting like a limp dishrag, and a woman with a tool belt” and “at least pretend” to be a real man or a real woman. She ends her tirade by chastising the LGBT community for using “God’s signature as your banner”. A Rainbow was God’s signature promise to a man and his family that He would never destroy the earth with a flood again. That man was Noah. Be sure to click over and read the entire rant. It is truly a thing of internet beauty and lols. Dawson Stone, romantic, has devised a way to reduce women to their true worth – his “Cost Per Orgasm”. I have diligently tracked my CPO for the last 4 months. It was $44.15, $20.82, $36.75 and $37.20. I recommend that every guy track it for at least a few months to see what sex is really costing you. He then shames you “beta males” with mathematical proof that he is getting more bang for his buck. Compare this to your average beta that is dating or has a girlfriend. Imagine a 30-something guy who takes his girlfriend out to one nice dinner once a week, one vacation a year (her portion), one weekend trip a year, plus her birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, costs for 2-3 weddings (you are her date and likely pay even though it is her friend getting married) and he could EASILY spend more than $15,000 a year. And what value does he get for his money? He gets to have occasional, uneventful sex with ONE woman. Stone says he “could do the same math for a married guy but I won’t bother since the numbers are ridiculous”, and chides men who “buy the cow for an obscene sum of money when they could easily have the milk inexpensively or even free”. While he claims he doesn’t “have sex with a woman unless I like her and truly enjoy her company” he says his running tally of money output versus sex output “keeps me sharp and helps ensure that I don’t let any woman get me to do anything I don’t absolutely want to do”. So, ladies – what’s your vagina worth? I hope you’re keeping track, because wouldn’t you hate to be too expensive to have sex with?
Mandy Will Ban You All During A Tantrum


Ann Sage Has Priorities
WTF
Reese Witherspoon Knows Shakespeare
Jen Gotch Tries To Find The Lesson In A Urinating Woman
Matt Walsh Thinks Robin Williams Made A Bad Decision
JoAnn Would Like To Share Her Feelings About Everything
Dawson Stone Will Reduce Women To Cost Per Lay