Gala Darling, blogging expert and plastic hair wearer, is not new to the game of ‘give me money and I will fill your head with a bunch of crap’. She’s even still peddling her “radical self-love” podcasts for $12 bucks a pop to legions of poor women who think wearing pink glitter will fix their lives.

Well now it seems Gala Darling has rounded up her two BFF’s to present the world with The Blogcademy, a weekend seminar that will teach you “…blogging essentials, like finding inspiration and picking the right topics for your blog, how to discover your own voice and showcase your personality…leveraging social media, dealing with the not-so-nice bits of blogging, PR and networking, branding tips and techniques!” They will also teach you such essentials as how to get a book deal, how to acquire interns, and how to find a blog agent/management/representation.

Yes for the reasonable price of “$550 if you register before September 1st, and $600 after that” attendees will get a personalized blog review from Gala and her blog brain trust, headshots, a meet and greet, snacks and drinks, and goodie bags.

I guess if nothing else we now know how Gala “built a six-figure business in four years” – though apparently they are offering “scholarships” to attend this eyeroll festival. I’m actually curious – is anyone going to take this thing seriously?

Queen Cuppy, aka Emily of Cupcakes & Cashmere, is finally doing the giveaway of the book no one is hailing as a literary masterpiece. Emily’s book is accompanied by several items which will NOT be in the Sam’s Club discount bin in 6 months:

 – A signed copy of my book (I’ll personalize it once the winners have been chosen)
– 10 “holeo friend” notecards and envelopes from Walnut Paperie
– A set of pretty hair ties (seen here)
– Estée Lauder Viper nail polish (a moody dark green that comes out in August) and Star Pink lip gloss
– Diptyque Baies candle
– Chocolate-covered gummy bears

As of right now her post already has 25,000 comments from people I can only assume really love lip gloss and gummy bears. Seriously, that has to be the reason right? You can’t tell me 25,000 people are clamoring for a copy of a book about how to make playlists and wear multiple bracelets.

Please tell me it’s just for the gummy bears.

Sally McGraw, some professional blogger in Minnesota, is known for her attempts at body image authority. She regularly publishes cringe-worthy tl;dr posts telling readers to embrace their unique style, full of various fourth wave cornpucky buzzwords about body image and media and spreading positivity.

Now Sal wants to impress upon us all the value of not fitting in…or fitting in if you want to.

At this point in my life, I feel like I conform less than I ever have. I’m a 35-year-old married woman who has no children. I’m an entrepreneur in a down economy. I’m a style blogger who isn’t tanned, toned, and wealthy…Individuality is gold, and non-conformism is brave…I would never advise anyone at any age to sacrifice all uniqueness for the sake of social acceptance. But a little conformity here and there? It might make your life easier, more fun, less stressful…I’d say embrace it if it makes you feel strong and powerful, express yourself as proudly and loudly and often as you can, show the world your uniqueness. But don’t flog yourself for wanting to blend in.

Embrace your desire to safety dance and remember the importance of non-conformity. Of course, conformity is also ok. You should be unique, but only as unique as you want, because sometimes you want to be like everyone else and that is totally normal. Unless you’d rather not be like everyone else. That’s fine too. Got that? Don’t you feel powerful and full of self-acceptance now?

And what part of “married middle aged woman in the midwest who quit her job to blog full time” equals trailblazing nonconformity? Seems pretty much the norm these days that if you’re married and have a website, you quit your job as soon as possible to be a “professional blogger” (I guess it just sounds better than “housewife”). It’s not like there are a lot of blogs by female district attorneys in DINK relationships blogging about their cats and careers and arguing with their partner about summer shares. The internet is basically nothing BUT married women without jobs posting  pictures at this point. I’m not sure why she feels it makes her an ‘entrepreneur’ to do something pretty much every other housewife is doing, but hey whatever makes Sally feel special. Or not. Either way is fine.

Sally McGraw, personal stylist and blogger, joins the ranks of Cupcakes & Cashmere and What I Wore by producing yet another blog-turned-book.

According to the announcement of her self-published effort, Already Pretty: The Book is supposed to teach you how to dress your shape and give you self-esteem through clothes or something:

The book is packed with enlightening exercises, mix-and-match figure flattery techniques, and effective tutorials that illustrate how personal style can foster self-love and self-respect.

Because as everyone knows, self-respect is based on wardrobe choices.

Well at least this is a self published book, which means I don’t want to yet again yell “WTF” at the publishing industry. But frankly these blogger books are getting a little tedious. It’s as though bloggers think print = legitimacy, and getting something in a book form seems to be the ultimate goal of most bloggers these days. It sort of lays dead the typical blogger argument of “I’m a REAL WRITER! Just because it’s a blog doesn’t mean I’m not a REAL WRITER!” when they are trying so hard to get in print.

I just feel that having something that you have basically already published for free on the internet bound and printed seems like nothing more than an exercise in vanity. It doesn’t increase the validity of your words, it doesn’t make you more authoritative. It just means you can puff yourself up by adding “author of” to your About page. And in my opinion, that’s really not a good enough reason to put a book into the world. But what do I know, I’m not a writer.

Camilla Combs, aka “Cami”, is apparently more than just the person who follows dooce around doing…whatever it is she does (we assume her job is making sure The Imperial March plays whenever dooce enters a room). She is a “stylist”, “designer”, and “photographer”, and she has quite the eye for detail. From the cliche Essie polish to the meh handbag to the “lost all my money at the casinos and have to work the board walk for bus fare back to New York” shoes…

(click to enlarge)

Hm, actually those shoes are growing on me. I like how the gold tips mirror the shine of all the golden leg hair. This is so brave, right? Is keeping it real is the new personal grooming, because I haven’t really heard about this trend. Not that I really keep up with trends, but if going fallow is the new sexy I’d like to know – I like any excuse not to hoist myself into my special obesity tub and shave.