Pink Peonies Might Tagtuck

Rach Parcell, classy and important like a dude, sported an unusual accessory in yesterday’s outfit post.

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Kiki LaRue’s Becka Clark Will Design A Clothing Line

Becka, busy, has evidently taken a break from buying everything with a Gucci label in order to design her own ‘line’. Unfortunately Rebecca the Label is already being side-eyed as not that original.

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Jessica Quirk’s Birth Story, Let Us Enjoy It Together

What I Wore finally squirked the Mini Messica she always wanted, and now that she’s “processed” it she would like to sharebrag the “emotionally healing experience”.

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Barefoot Blonde Is Super Stressed Out

Barefoot Blonde, still waiting for her “custom home” to be built, is posting “From The Heart” about “Managing Stress”. In a post filled with professionally photographed thigh gaps and hair plugs Amber hand wrings about the struggles of the upper class.

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Bloggers React To Election About How You’d Expect

In case you hadn’t heard, America had an election Tuesday and despite bloggers’ instagram and snapchat campaigns, Trump made it to the Oval. Now most bloggers are coping the only way they know how – publicly.

Jordan Reid at Ramshackle Glam, known for her intellectual think pieces, can’t seem to get back on track.

As a writer, I have no idea how to return to my regular schedule of cute shoes and funny parenting stories, or how to sit down today and start moving through to a to-do list that includes such imperatives as “start compiling holiday gift guide,” and “post flat-lay to IG.”

She has apparently rallied with a new post about an “action plan” that is basically her informing us how super involved she is in her community and btw did you know she has battled anxiety for decades. She then suggests you go sign a change.org petition “calling upon the Electoral College to fix this” and tells you to go donate to a bunch of things. Because if having a tantrum doesn’t work, throw money at the problem. That’s the rich American white girl way!

Jessica Quirk got straight to the point.

I can’t bring myself to say much today, I’m still in a state of shock, so I’m just going to post my outfit.

The instagram prairie mamas are either silent or pushing an agenda of quiet acceptance and hugs – the typical resigned-smile, everything-will-be-fine position that hetero suburban sahms of comfortable means can easily afford to embrace. Mama Watters doesn’t want to talk about politics, instead posting about a poem which is basically an excuse to inform you she doesn’t read her inspirational stuff from some kindle like you fast living monsters.

I have on my bedside table a few books of blessings, prayers, and poetry for times such as this. They are small and linen-bound, full of comfort and wisdom. The light-filled words inside them give me perspective in times of worry, growth, longing, exhaustion, new beginnings, thanksgiving and despair…

Jenna Cole, voting absolutely, posted some bizarre attempt to sound deep.

All things that die have the potential to feed new life. If we’ll just plant and tend to the seeds, they will grow. I’m thinking about those seeds a lot today. What will be my part in transforming this follow-feeling space into something beautiful in the days ahead?

I assume she meant “fallow” which would still be a questionable use of the word, but whatever. Very profound, much feminist.

And then there’s Cupcakes and Cashmere who (probably wisely) kept politics off her glitter and cake pop filled Home For Glossier Intern Program Rejects. She posted something about “Unexpected Holiday Glam” and then that Alina chick posted about “loving disco fever”.

So, happy post-election Friday! Welcome to the New (Same As Before Just With Different Rich White Men In Charge) America!

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Bloggers Voted And You Need To Know About It

It’s the day we’ve all been waiting for: the first Vaginal American presidential nominee who might have a shot at winning. And bloggers couldn’t wait to show their support, because social media.

Jessica Quirk continues to beat that “future is female” tee into the ground while reminding us she is pregnant.

Emily over at Cupcakes and Cashmere put up a post bursting with personal vitality and interest. Or she posted this.

Run Eat Repeat‘s Monica never misses a chance to mention her Latina heritage, choosing to make a joke out of an historic election.

And Erin decided now was the time to admit she only cares about really “big” elections.

Other bloggers were underwhelming; We Wore What‘s Danielle regrammed a shapely behind and hashtagged #vote, while the Taza crew presumably did a mail-in ballot so they could vote at home as a family (edit: instagram stories has a post of a “vote here” sign, but no real confirmation that she actually voted, maybe she’s votesmugging on snapchat). Amberlamps over at Barefoot Blonde hasn’t smugged her I Voted sticker either (edit: apparently she’s confining her votesmugging to snapchat), and Pink Peonies did a sponsored post, so let’s assume the best and hope they also did a mail-in. And some fat catlady in Brooklyn is being pretty vague about who she voted for.

Now it’s time to sit back, chug Franzia, and refresh the Politics Forum as results roll in. America!

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What I Wore Has Important Political Opinions

Jessica Quirk, had potential, has posted some exciting information that is incredibly relevant to the coming election.

In high school, I was the only girl in my senior class on the short list to win “Most Likely to be a Politician” which I took as a wonderful compliment (see also: most likely to be on the cover of a magazine and most talkative). I didn’t “win” any of them, but I’m 99.9% sure I’m the only one who’s made a career out of being a blogger.

Um…k. Not sure why a woman in her mid-30s is still gushing about how she was somebody in high school, but sure. She goes on to impress upon us how vurry vurry political she is, saying “I do my homework, I read the transcripts, I weigh my options, but most importantly, I vote!” I guess this is supposed to set us up to take her next paragraph urging us all to “rock” our votes super seriously.

…at the end of the day, your vote is yours and you don’t need to share who you’ve voted for or why with anyone else…You can split your ticket or vote in total opposition with your husband or parents or friends. Your vote is yours. Rock it.

Finally she concludes her post with the announcement the world has been waiting for.

…nothing I’m wearing today is maternity! I didn’t expect these jeans to fit this far into my pregnancy, but shimmied down (and later unbuttoned) and they work fine.

Oh thank Hashtag Hillary, for a moment I was worried she might be forced into the elastic panel nightmares only worn by the fat cows unlucky enough to have normal legs! Thanks for inspiring us all to rock the bloat!