Jordan Reid, bidness lady, had a bidness lady lunch meeting yesterday. She had a bunch of important bidness lady document to carry to her bidness lunch, but KWELL WHORER!! She had nothing but her purse…

Yesterday I had a meeting to which I had to bring a bunch of documentation that was important enough that I didn’t want to do what I usually do with papers – stuff them into my slouchy purse, where they end up alternately crumpled/ink-stained/lip gloss-smudged – and ended up trucking around town with an extremely elegant manila folder straight from that bastion of style, Staples. I got to thinking that a leather portfolio might be a quite lovely thing to keep around for occasions just like yesterday’s meeting, and last night I found this very awesome tooled leather vintage piece on Etsy.

Ok, first of all let’s do some funtasizing about this ‘meeting’. There are only so many things it could be – pitching to sponsors, her longed-for book deal, or trying to get another blogger gig like her fabulously popular (snicker) Gloss columns.

Second, has she heard the good news about tote bags? Or a laptop bag? You don’t have to cram docs into your frocking purse, idiot. You can put them quite nicely in your laptop bag or your slide them into your “I HEART TREES” grocery tote and be just fine. In a pinch, Staples DOES also sell regular Meade pleather notebooks you can use, probably on the same aisle as that manilla folder.

Nope, why do the practical, common sense thing? You can only have docs with lipstick and wrinkles, or transport them with a hand tooled leather  portfolio, there is no in between?

I mean, check out what she did yesterday afternoon!

Yesterday afternoon my friend Francesca, who works for a company called Obvious Clothing, stopped by for lunch on her way to the office. She had a few samples from their line with her that she wanted my opinion on, so we had a little impromptu dress-up party along with our grilled cheese-and-bacons. It reminded me of the old days, when we lived together in LA and spent hours ransacking each others’ closets for marathon try-on sessions (but probably with a Corona or two included).

This woman’s real job is apparently playing grab ass and cooking and attending product parties. Oh yes let’s all take advice from her.

Jordan Reid Berkow Strauchwhatever, founder and shillcaster, has apparently told people she DOES have a  job beyond her blog. After this post, I totally believe it:

…I was in the mood to wear something other than cutoffs and a tank top (my May-August uniform), and decided that it would be nice to swan about feeling all lovely and elegant in a floor-length skirt while I prepared dinner. (That’s a Calypso skirt paired with a top purchased at Marshall’s, BTW.)

Anyways, around 4PM I got all hungry, as one tends to do during things like afternoons, and started sort of free-associating about what kind of food I’d like to eat…

This free-association technique, by the way, is exactly why I am extremely successful when it comes to perfect orders at diners: when confronted with an impossibly immense menu filled with billions of delectables, I simply close my eyes and come up with a list of ingredients that sound good, and then select a couple of appropriately inclusive dishes. I then picture said dishes – by which I mean picture ordering them, having them set down in front of me, and eating them – and determine which is likely to result in maximum happiness. Sound ridiculous? Jest all you like: next time you are sitting next to me at a diner, just see who has the meal you’re desperate to eat.

That’s right: it’ll be me.

I don’t know about you guys, but around 4pm I am not swanning about playing dress up and daydreaming about what I want for dinner. I am at WORK, trying to wrap up stuff so I can leave before 6pm and maybe get home by 7pm, so I have a few hours to watch a movie and hang out with my pets, or maybe go out with friends. In other words, I don’t believe for one second that someone who is at home shooting segments for some random network and free associating pasta dishes has any kind of actual job.

Nice try, Jordan.

Mary Rambin is something of a love/hate for GOMIBLOG readers. But I think we can all break into HELL YEAH golf applause at this post:

Well, my hair is finally back to its nothing-special length. I guess that’s a good thing. A “friend” once told me that men don’t think short hair is sexy. But she’s still single so I didn’t put a lot of value in that comment. I really loved my Katie cuts, but it’s nice to have something to run my fingers through again.

If I didn’t have personal space, germ, and sobriety issues, I would hug you, Mary Rambin.

Jordan Reid Berkow, founder of shillschacklesham, has successfully fixed her busted ass floors thanks to yet another shill:

Pictured above: why I was sorta MIA yesterday. We shot two Better segments in my apartment: one on staining furniture, and the other on hardwood floor revitalization (both using Minwax products).

I guess this post WAS a heads up for yet another shill. What is this “Better TV” Crap anyway? It sounds like all they do is film Jordan doing advertorials. Where do these things air?

Meaghan O’Connel, woman in tech, is weighing in on the new TEDwomen conference.

I always kind of loved @TED but my initial, visceral reaction to @TEDwomen is HORROR AND RAGE. It also looks boring. The end.12:45 PM Jul 18th via Twitter for iPhone

WHOOPS TURNS OUT WOMEN MATTER LET’S HOLD A SEPARATE CONFERENCE TO APOLOGIZE.12:47 PM Jul 18th via Twitter for iPhone

Which is it you s? These marketing pr bortches scream and yell for greater representation of women in tech, but when TED makes an entire con JUST FOR YOU, you act all offended. What’s wrong, Poundcake? Too much focus on actual accomplishments, not enough focus on tumblr fanbois telling you how cute you are? Not enough pats on the back for being the only woman who works at tumblr, too much sideways looks and people asking “I’m sorry, WHAT do you do again?”

Way to support the efforts of TED to acknowledge the contributions and interests of women in tech. I thought that’s what women like you wanted?

Today, Jordan Reid Berkow of shillshacklesham is sharing yet another top secret protip: salad is made with green leaves and other ingredients!!!!

In a large bowl, combine a few large handfuls of clean spinach and a cup and a half or so of fresh peas… Crumble over some goat cheese, and then toss everything together with a few glugs of olive oil, the juice from one lemon (or to taste), sea salt, and fresh ground pepper.

Now I get it. NOW I see why Jordan has 10s of fans! All this time I’ve been tossing slices of bread and canned tuna in a bowl and wondering why it just wasn’t as good as the Olive Garden salad. I would have never thought to combine leafy greens and olive oil with other vegetables and/or cheese.

Jordan is changing my life – no, the WORLD.