That Wife Will Care About You On The Weekends

Jenna Cole, America’s Favorite Parent, continues to make it clear exactly how much time she spends dealing with her kids. In response to a lunch invitation that included her children, Jenna responded:

I only do stuff with the kids on the weekends. Otherwise they are in care or napping.

Jenna may also have hinted that she has a new project in the works:

Oh please let this be “TAHBS, the JennaCast Podshow Thing”! I would happily pay for THAT show. She may be looking for new projects because, according to her, she’s not been feeling her most amazing self this year.

Depression and anxiety have become companions of mine, and it takes a lot of mental energy to keep them at a respectable distance so I can fulfill my responsibilities…I felt rejuvenated like this twice before in 2014, each time when I went to Utah for photography workshops…I think those are the things I need to focus on bringing into my life more often after the New Year in order to avoid the depressive bouts I’ve been dealing with.

She goes on to say her goals for 2015 include spending “less time in front of the computer”, more time chasing light – and even more ‘Jenna time’.

I do enjoy having the time to myself…but a recent therapy session filled with tears helped me discover that it is also about knowing my kids are with another adult who can give them undivided attention and meet their emotional needs…Thanks to my therapist I realized that I was feeling overwhelmed thinking that I am the only person in their life who can give them them what they need to holistically meet their physical and emotional needs.

The solution? Hire back the nanny! Because the heavenly lord of cocktails knows if there’s anything Jenna needs, it’s more people taking over her child rearing responsibilities.

Anyway, Happy New Year, hams! The 2015 GOMIBLOG Awards categories are going up soon, and I can’t wait to see who sweeps this year. Let the celebration begin!

Internets Lifestyle Blogging

You Don’t Know Hope And You Don’t Know How To Read Her Posts

Hope Kumor, you don’t understand her love, put a charming piece of Livejournalism up on XOJane the other day. It was a long screed about the buttmadness of living with her boyfriend’s parents, those jerks.

But it’s not even her fault, guys. She HAD to move out of her parents’ home and into her boyfriend’s parents’ home instead of some apartment, because money.

…I have student loans to pay for along with my car. All of our money would be going to the apartment instead of living. We wouldn’t be able to go out to eat a good meal or even go on vacation. We were stuck.

No vacations or eating out??? That’s like, SO awful, guys. But living with his parents is even worse. She can’t run around in her thong, or grope her boyfriend in the kitchen, even. How can anyone live in such an oppressed state?

I want to have passionate sex and vocalize as loud as I want. Whenever we’re doing the deed, I must cover my mouth so I don’t make too much noise. I must be respectful, but that part really sucks because I can never truly let myself go.

When commenters began to point out that perhaps Princess Thong was being a bit entitled, she shot back with a post basically telling people they read it all wrong.

…THANK YOU to all those who left us lovely comments. I suppose you didn’t pick up on the sarcasm of our situation. It was a joke, but maybe you aren’t smart enough to decipher the difference.

Evidently that still wasn’t enough venting, because today Hope came back with yet more ‘clarification’, explaining that the unwashed masses will never understand her great Isoldean love story and she and her boyfriend are the nicest most responsible adulting people ever, so there.

Brett & I have a unique relationship that no one will ever understand. Maybe you think that’s immature of me to say, but you’ll never get it and I don’t feel as if I need to explain that. Thanks for your concern though. It’s greatly appreciated.

She continued with the tired old “The thing is, you don’t know me. You don’t know a thing about me. You merely read this article and judged me” crap that all these early 20s, 5 Thought Catalog Posts Means I Am A Writer ‘writers’ spew out when someone on earth dares to tell them they aren’t a Speshul Sneauxflake.

Kids today, amirite??? Someone give these two a free vacation to Jamaica and some Applebee’s gift cards already!

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Christmas In Blogland Just As Boring As Anticipated

It’s that magical time of year, when bloggers try to out-twee each other on instagram while slamming diet Coke and perfect brownies. Bloggers will decorate and bake and style their holiday lives, and then Amaro filter it all just to make those of us sitting around in our unshowered glory aspire to a more a pinterestmas worthy life.

So if you’ve been too busy hustling your cats out of wrapping paper and taking your rum in shot glass form to follow along, here’s what your favorite bloggers are doing today.

The Million Dolla Skallas and the Derp family did matching pajamas in front of their trees. I don’t even know how you accomplish this, because I would think anything that an infant or toddler could wear would not be something a grown adult would find in their size (much less want their picture taken in), but…ok.

Hey Natalie Jean is evidently in Utah, where Strangles is wearing antlers that look like dookie and standing on his knees for some reason.

Young House Love of course posted their monthly gram. Not very holidayish other than the caption but at least they didn’t go for all matching outfits.

The HLBs settled for weird selfies and awkward family photos in Santa hats.

How are the holidays going for you hamcats? Is everyone drunk and/or ready for a nap yet?

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The Great Gram Purge Begins, Bloggers Act Like They Don’t Care

As reported back on the 10th, Instagram has begun wiping spam and ghost accounts from their system. The results so far are a combination of ‘lulz’ and ‘womp womp’.

Pink Peonies, after jumping to 292k followers during the week following the announcement, is now suddenly down to 287k. Ramshackleglam started out with 12.8k followers and is now down to 7.7k. Eat Live Run is down about 1k, as are Rosie the Londoner and What I Wore. Dooce and Kelle Hampton are both down about 2k.

Racked is showing Eat Sleep Wear had a drop of around 4k followers, while Song of Style dropped from 1.9 million to 1.8 million. Cupcakes and Cashmere and Bleubird both lost about 7k followers.

The most wtf drop was ole Natalie Jean, who lost a whopping 19.3k followers in the purge. She responded to this in her typically sarcastic defensive manner.

Yeah ok JLaw gif to this.

Is this proof of purchasing followers? It’s hard to say. But surely some of these losses indicate something more than just removal of ‘spambots’ or inactive accounts.

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Taza Introduces Pageviews Davis To His Audience

Taza has finally birthed, and it’s a boy.

It’s a boy! I love him so much already.

Pageviews Davis joins older sister Income and older brother Click$ in the family business known as Love Taza.

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Instagram Follower Cleanup Likely To Upset Some Bloggers

Bloggers who buy fake Instagram followers to inflate their numbers might discover their follower counts dropping over the next few weeks. It seems Instagram is cleaning up their system – and deleting fake accounts.

In December 2014, we’re fixing an ongoing issue that incorrectly includes inactive or fake accounts in follower/following lists…We’re in the process of fixing an issue that incorrectly includes inactive or fake accounts in follower/following lists…As we remove these accounts, some people may notice a decrease in their follower/following counts.

They did a similar sweep back in April, but since then the trend of buying fake followers has increased to ridiculous levels. Almost every big time or wannabe big time blogger seems to purchase numbers. Even Rach Parcell, pregnant, is suspected of buying her follower count.

I can’t wait to see how many bloggers flip out when their numbers drop by possibly tens of thousands over the coming weeks. They’ll probably just wait until March and buy another 100k fake accounts, because all that matters in the blog industry is those follower numbers.

I also look forward to watching bloggers scramble to get one of the new Verified Badges from the gram. Just what social media needs, another status symbol!

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The Resurrection Of The Ghostbev

Some of you hams may remember Beverly the Ghost. She’s the blogger who created a thread about herself, denied it, and then posed as her husband to come back and pull the old They’re Dead You Jerks routine. If you’d rather not kill about 9 hours of your day by reading the entire thread, you can read a summary here, with links to the relevant lols.

Anyhoo, there’s a couple of updates on our resident poltergeist. It seems when she’s not busy posing for Scooby-Doo episodes, she’s running a photography business and getting pregnant. I guess this means she’s given up trying to be a big blogger – at least for now.

So is anyone else picturing this, or am I the only person who gave up real life in order to play the Sims?