Lifestyle Blogging

Lauren Wants You To Stop Pointing Your Boobs At Her Husband’s Eyes

Lauren, over at the Apples and Band-Aids blog, would like all you attractive women on the internet to put your clothes on. She is tired of her husband enjoying your form, and you are ruining their marriage with your gorgeousness.

…I am writing to share the perspective of a woman who is fighting for her marriage. And for that reason, I want to tell you that I don’t need my husband to see your boobs…I don’t blame you for being confident enough to let the world see how good you look in front of the waves with your coozie and ballcap and barely anything else. But I want to tell you that it’s a stumbling block in our marriage.

She says if she were “skinny with rock-hard abs and legs from here to Mexico, I’d want to take lots of pictures of myself”, and then goes on to pinky swear she’s not blaming you for tempting her man. But you need to stop being hot on the internet because her husband is filling up his spank bank and she can’t deal with it.

I know it’s next to impossible to take in images like those and erase them from his mind. Because our men are much less emotional and are much more visual. And as quickly as I can forget your picture, it is filed away in his mind, ready to be pulled back out whenever he so chooses.

Finally she gets to the most important thing you tight little thangs in your string bikinis need to consider before posting your lusciousness to instagram – her self-esteem:

When your bare shoulders and stretchmark-less bellies and tanned legs pop up, I not only worry if my husband will linger over your picture. I worry how he will compare me to you.

As I wrap myself into his arms at night, I wonder if he is seeing you there instead of my mess of a body left over from pregnancy. I wonder if he thinks I’m lazy and that I don’t take good care of myself. I wonder if he wishes I looked more like you than who I really am.

And then the insecurity monster comes back to bite at our relationship again…me, begging for affirmation, and him tiring from saying the same thing over and over.

There you have it, the main point of this bizarre post. Congratulations, internet! You are now responsible for some woman’s self-image, so if you could just stop being attractive on a social media account that no one is forcing her to follow, that’d be great.

Lifestyle Blogging

Amazon Will Scrub Your One Star Review Of “Ramshackle Glam”

Jordan Reid, has the hardest working agent/manager ever, has been waiting patiently for her first book to make some kind of ripple. As of May 19th, however, her Amazon listing only had 14 reviews, most of them obviously from personal friends or fangirls – though there were two 1 star reviews.

Strangely as of today Jordan’s book only has 12 reviews – and the two 1 star ratings seem to have ramshackle vanished.

With Jordan working on her second book it would obviously help her a lot if her first literary attempt had a solid 5 star rating. Is it possible someone in Jordacted’s camp had her Amazon listing scrubbed? Or did Amazon just take pity on the pretty white lady and try to do her a solid all of their own free will? It is a mystery.

Is Noonday Silencing Questions?

With questions beginning to be raised about the #StyleForJustice trip, Noonday is apparently circling wagons. Their non-response after ignoring and allegedly deleting comments asking what percentage of the money actually goes to the artisans has caused some former supporters to lose patience.

International Justice Mission is changing the conversation around poverty and I wanted the women in our Noonday community to join in that conversation…We are going to CONNECT. We are connecting with the talented men and women Noonday relies on to bring amazing products to our customers.

Since the comments on the rambling ‘we are like, super nice people, so like, whatever we do is awesome’ post were disabled, folks attempted to ask Noonday some direct questions on the previous post. One asked:

Straightforward question. If you can’t answer this clearly and without beating around the bush, you should not be in business. Ready? What is the $ figure or percentage that you pay the men and women who make your products?

While another said:

By evading the simplest questions with wordy “non-answers,” you are making yourselves completely transparent to the awful motives you have previously concealed behind a lovely, whitewashed version of poverty tourism.

So far Noonday does not seem to have addressed these questions or statements, and continues to appear either evasive or confused. Is repeating over and over that they are starting conversations and sharing stories and saying “but, job creation!” supposed to make everyone nod and cheer without further probing? Because I don’t think that’s going to work.

Internets Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Babblewatch Ends

Babble, nobody cares anymore but I sort of feel like I need to finish out this storyline, has returned after being offline for over half a month. Apparently now on a WordPress platform, the site went live with a bunch of crap still not working (author pages display posts from the wrong contributors).

Babble overlords have still not satisfactorily explained why they needed to be offline, though writers are hearing through the grapevine they will be paid their April earnings “next week”. One source who wishes to remain anonymous claims employees are basically bound by contract to remain publicly silent on what’s happening at Babble, so we may never know wtf is really going on over there.

But does anyone really care anymore at this point? Thought so. This may as well just be an open post.

Update/correction: DadCamp says Babble has been on WordPress for at least 2 years. So now I have no idea wtf they’ve been doing all this time.

Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

“Cup Of Jo” Joins The Bathroom Baby Brigade

Joanna Goddard, Shakespeare expert, has apparently decided to keep it ‘real’ by revealing she too has a Bathroom Baby.

We gave Anton his very own room…our second bathroom! (Insert cringing emoji here.) During the day, he shares the nursery with Toby when they’re playing, but for naps and bedtime, he cuddles up in his travel crib in the bathroom. We put a pillow between the crib and the toilet and plug in our trusty noise machine.

Yes, just like That Wife, Jo has relegated her offspring to a toilet dungeon. But…but…he loves it!

Funnily enough, Anton actually seems to like his little space. As soon as we carry him in there and begin singing “You Are My Sunshine,” he’ll immediately lean his head against our shoulders and start sucking his thumb.

I’d start sucking my thumb too if I were being carried into a dark room full of plumbing sounds. Look – I get that it’s hard to give up your city dweller hipster cred, but why don’t these mommy bloggers give their kids bedrooms already?

Internets Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

“American Blogger” Being Released Tomorrow

Casey Wiegand has announced that her husband’s stunning cinematography project “American Blogger”, also known as “The Movie About The Wiegand’s Friends”, will now be released tomorrow instead of in June.

Originally the plan for the film was that Chris would release the film in June on iTunes only…Because the release of the trailer didn’t go anything like what we expected, Chris has decided to release the movie on Wednesday via a different source.

Chris Wiegand is also issuing a disclaimer with the movie, which is basically a masterpiece of attempted backpedaling:

The way in which these women tell their stories with authenticity does represent the bravery and passion of American Bloggers, but please know: not all categories of American Bloggers are represented in this film. There are still many more stories to be told.

The disclaimer also has Chris saying “This film is not meant to validate blogging as a career”. This is basically the opposite of what he said to Daily Dot just two weeks ago, when he told an interviewer “I want to validate these bloggers”.

So…viewing party in my basement tomorrow, hams?

Internets Lifestyle Blogging

“Sunshine Mary” Closing Blog

Sunshine Mary, anti-feminism hero and rape culture denier, has announced she is leaving the internet.

I would like to let readers know that I have reached the very difficult decision to stop writing my blog. This is a sad and hard post for me to write, but I feel that an explanation ought to be given here. I have been the victim of a vicious (and needless) smear campaign; this is not a problem per se, but my children have been brought into it and their safety and security has been compromised. As a mother, I cannot continue to write this blog if it endangers my family.

Saying “It is not my preference to do this, but my hand has been forced and I am left with no other options” due to “the extreme aggression of two women” Sunshine Mary then went on to detail the alleged harassment, even including the text of an email supposedly sent around containing links to her daughter’s (public) Google+ account.

Well, if nothing else this will probably just confirm for Sunshine Mary that all women except her are evil bortches. As if she needed further nudging towards hating anything with a vagina.