Gala Darling, claims she makes $100k a year just for being Gala Darling, has a hectic schedule. After almost five years spent turning her livejournal into a blog, sucking up to Betsey Johnson, and bouncing from man to man until finally one caved and got her citizenship put a ring on it, the super blog celebrity that 500 people have heard of has finally hired some much needed help:

GREETINGS from frigid New York City!

It’s been very busy over here. One of my biggest pieces of news is that I hired an assistant, who is now known around these parts as Saint Lydia. She is seriously saving my life these days! We’ve been having fast & furious brainstorming sessions over cups of lavender earl grey tea, shooting photos all over the East Village & performing what has essentially been an exorcism on my office! It’s so, so good to have someone else helping me out. I’ve been doing this totally alone for almost five years (!!!), so this is a majorly needed adjustment. So good!

Um…ok, look. What in the F*(K do bloggers need assistants for? To take their vanity pics? It’s not like Gala is maintaining some vast blog empire here. She does a couple of HUG YOURSELF TODAY! PINK! GLITTER! MY LIFE IS FUN! posts, updates her tumblr, tweets, facebooks. I guess I’m just not understanding how someone whose sole job is posting motivational “you’re awesome and I love you” crap requires help. Beyond being some sort of status, “I’m so important and busy” thing, it seems like more of an “I’m married to a rich dude now and I need a personal lackey” indulgence.

And I’ll just assume by the word “hired” that she’s paying this poor girl. If not this is just NonSociety interns the sequel.

Mary Rambin is back to her princess routine. Yesterday she aired some entitled outrage over  something that would be nothing more than an “ugh this sucks” moment for most people.

You are never going to believe what just happened to me.

I’m not going to draw this story out.  The basic facts are shocking enough.

Went to donate a big pile of clothes to Goodwill.

Drove to get coffee three minutes away.

Noticed I didn’t have my purse and realized I left it at Goodwill (under the pile of clothes.)

Returned to Goodwill and asked politely if I had left it there.

They questioned what I was talking about.  I described the bag and they said, “Oh, we thought you were donating it.”

MY PURSE! With my FULL wallet, makeup, sunglasses case, a CLICK bag, coupons, a bag of nuts, pens…

Wait, it gets better.

They CUT UP my ID and credit cards!!!!  Into little tiny pieces!!!!

Within 5 minutes of me leaving my purse they had sorted through the whole thing, trashed a $35 lip gloss and $40 tube of perfume, and cut up my ID and credit cards.  5 minutes!!!!!  Of course the $20 cash that was in my wallet was no where to be found.  It didn’t even occur to them that I might return for all of my personal belongings.

I salvaged most of my stuff from the trash (yuck!) and proceeded to give them a piece of my mind.  I couldn’t control myself.  How stupid can you be?!  But what can be done about it?  Nothing. Unbelievable to me how ignorant and thoughtless people can be.

Anyway, Bank of America gave me a temporary debit card after a full-on identity check so I’m not stranded.  But the ID.  Ugh, that really hurts. Hopefully I can just order one online.

Hope your day is going better than mine.

Last week GOMIBLOG was saddened by the news that Tatiana of Love, Life, Lace – the formerly hilariously weird but recently just sort of cringe inducingly sad blog – was saying goodbye forever to blogging.

And so my dears after being a part of the “blogging world” for over four years I am saying goodbye. It’s been a good run, I’ve met many fantastic people and it’s been a marvelous way to share my thoughts and my life. But I’m not the same girl I was four years ago and I’m not sure it’s serving the same purpose it used to.

There was even what many took as a touching allusion to GOMIBLOG, the little snark site that nurtured and loved her top knotted, technicolor outfitted antics:

And lastly I wanted to address one more thing. To the people who wake up and go to sleep with other people’s blogs (including my own) on their computer, who spend their entire day tracking down our names and waste hours and hours of their time judging us, hating us and laughing at us… May you one day find true happiness. May you respect yourself enough to spend time growing yourself and not watching other people’s lives.

Well it seems “leaving internets forever” means “four days” in Twatiana time. Today she made yet another “last post”:

There was no way I could leave without thanking you. You have truly amazed and touched me to the point of tears with your kind words and outpouring of love. I will always carry your words with me and treasure the kindness you have shown me.

Then there are some Joel Osteen quotes or something. Who cares, really. This woman has had more final tours than the Rolling Stones. It’s like when a child goes “I’m leaving…I’m running away…I’m opening the door…I’m walking out…I’m on the porch…I’m really leaving now…I’m in the yard…” JUST GO ALREADY!  Oh, and in case any of you were waiting by your inbox:

I promise to reply each and every single one of you that sent me emails but due to the large amount I hope you will forgive me if I’m a little slow.

IN CLOSING, I REMAIN POPULAR.

Bye Tatiana, maybe, till you post again, probably!

Gala Darling, look at her new Betsey Johnson stuff, got her “boot camp” started up Wednesday. For just $100 you can receive awesome advice like this:

Create Disneyland in your heart every day…

You can morph the mundane into the magical with only a small change of perspective. Make breakfast a luxurious event, send emails with a smile (the receiver can feel it!) & make an effort to welcome the beauty of life — which exists all around you — into reality.

To be fair, the 100 bucks gets you access to her forums and some mp3s, so I can totally see how that would be worth it. I’m not trying to say people shouldn’t seek ways to be happy, but doesn’t it seem a little ridiculous in this economy to give some internet charlatan 100 dollars to instruct you to buy fresh flowers for yourself? That’s not self-improvement self-love, that’s advice I read in Marie Claire 3 years ago.

I really don’t understand why anyone would pay that kind of money for someone to say ‘you have to like yourself before you’ll be happy! let in the positive! only see the beauty!’ These aren’t new revolutionary concepts, these are all things that have been in every women’s magazine since 1962. I guess some people need to be told these things, and are willing to pay to hear it from Gala Darling. The whole thing is just so odd to me.

Jordan Reid, giving birth any second now, put her non-one eyed dog into a pair of pajamas for a reason I personally can’t figure out:

Oh, Come On…He Loves It
Everybody likes getting new clothes for fall.
(I think the tuft of chest hair is my favorite part.)

Yes, Virgil looks delighted to be put in “making dogs into people” costumes. Explain to me the purpose of that? She’s Crapting out little Henry Shakes Forkburn any day now. Can’t she wait and put the coo-inducing outfits on her baby, like mother nature intended?

Whatever. I’m sure I’m the only person who doesn’t get why people put clothes on their pets.