Sweetney, the inspiring full-time blogger, made a “sad technology death face” Thursday when her dishwasher apparently died. Since Sweetney is a blogger she did the obvious thing and went twitter begging.

Don’t judge her; having a dishwasher is the right of every woman in a first world country. Not having a dishwasher, to Sweetney, is “terrifying”. Really Kenmore owes her a dishwasher, because Sweetney shouldn’t have to wash dishes by hand in a sink like some savage in an Amazon village!

I look forward to hearing about the free new dishwasher some company sends her, because you know that’s what’s coming.

The new That’s Quirky has gone live. Though I expected it to be underwhelming on every possible level, the knowledge-resistant Jessica and Adam Quirk have actually managed to cram a stunning amount of bullCrap into such a bland website.

Let’s start with the food section, where Messi and Adam (Medam? Adssi?) share a recipe for Swedish meatballs:

 Playfully plop the pork into a large mixing bowl, and add shallot, garlic, egg, bread crumbs, wine, salt, and pepper. Wash your right hand (or left if you’re weird) and plunge it on in. Vigorously massage this stuff with your fingers until it’s all combined and seemingly uniform.

“Or left if you’re weird.” HAHAHAHAHAHA left-handed people are freaks, y’all! If Messi and Adam weren’t such awful people, I might excuse their fruitless attempts at humor; but they’re not, so here we are. Also those meatballs are grey and seem as appetizing as a hernia. Now this recipe is bad enough on its own, but at the very end the That’s Quirky Dream Team just had to include this:

Ok, now dump it all out into a beautiful serving dish or the floor depending on your eating style and culture.

OK, I know I shouldn’t be surprised, given the Park Slope fiasco and the videos/pictures on Wrecks & Salvage’s Flickr, but seriously? The floor? Are these people capable of making a joke that isn’t a.) painfully unfunny, b.) in very poor taste, or c.) both?

The disaster continues. In another post Messi waxes poetic on the thrills of Bub’s Burgers, apparently the only burger place she has ever been to:

The first bite of a Bub’s burger it reminds me of the Fourth of July – a perfectly cooked, straight off the grill taste that brings on a wave of nostalgia.  The fixings are simple but fresh (green lettuce! crisp pickles! red tomatos!) and the burger’s themselves couldn’t be better.  For sure the best burger (and banana shake) in town.

LETTUCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE GREEN. Why does this woman seem surprised that the lettuce hasn’t spoiled? Also since Messi slam noms those Scholar’s Inn burgers every couple of days or so I fail to see how she can get all nostalgic about just another burger. I love a chunk of dead cow as much as the next red-blooded American, but eating one doesn’t take me back to a younger, more innocent time. Plus if I’m describing a burger place to someone I would probably refrain from mentioning three of the most common things that are seen on hamburgers. Though I guess maybe tomatos[sic] are usually not red. I don’t live in Broomcloset so I have no idea.

Fortunately, it’s not all bad. Adam Quirk even takes some time to remind us of the simpler things in life:

I feel a powerful peace when I stand in the forest surrounded by trees and think of their massive, benevolent lives. The forest is full of trees that have been growing for longer than many of us have been alive. Some have been here for generations. Those trees have spent their lives growing towards the sun, exhaling oxygen, and providing shade and food for the creatures of the forest. No thanks required. Just enjoy.

So on that note, I’m going to take @Quirk’s advice and go hug some oaks. You should do the same, but after checking out That’s Quirky in all its “WTF” glory.

Kayla, the 22 year old girlfriend of some guy named “Checkers”, blogs over at “It’s Always Sunny…”. Kayla and Checkers are “homeless by choice”. They are just free living, sweet hearted hippies, taking road trips and picking up hitchhikers and smoking and loving each other. Nothing wrong with that, if that’s how you want to live.

Unfortunately this lifestyle led in a roundabout way to Kayla’s 9 month old daughter being cruelly and for no reason ripped from the arms of her homeless parents after police found pot  in their housecar! And it totally wasn’t even their pot you guys!

The 2 hitch hikers have a MEDICAL MARIJUANA CARD.  They can legally have 19 pounds at them at any given time.  (There was 2 pounds in the car).

We were ALL charged with the marijuana even though they told the cop it was THEIRS and even though it was found in THEIR suitcase.

Kayla and Checkers have been “jumping through hoops” to get her back. Even if they “will have to take some kind of parenting/drug class or something dumb”, all that matters is getting her baby back and getting back on the road before blessing number two arrives.

Yes, “house-less” Kayla and Checkers are expecting another little miracle soon. Since their housecar is evidently still in a tow yard there’s no telling where they plan on stashing two babies if their first daughter is released to them May 31st. I’m going to assume child services did plenty of checks and that the couple is at least pretending to be living in an actual place zoned for residence for the time being.

I’m not trying to be a dick when I wonder again where exactly they plan on putting two babies when they have no jobs and no place to live. People WITH jobs and homes can barely make it with two kids. How long do these two think they can pull off couch surfing with two kids and no jobs? What happens when these kids need to learn how to read and write? And is this really a thing – raising your kids “house-less”???

Nicole Marie Story, thinks you’re fat, has long claimed her blog is about “living with” eating disorders. Till now she has confined her obvious sizeism and fat hatred to offhand remarks about the obesity problem in America or the random “you must be fat” comment to a dissenting commenter. She has stated many times that she is healthy and posts pictures of her meals (consisting of cold tofu with ketchup. Yeah.) Now it seems the mask is coming off; with this post she’s going full fat hating/thinspo/pro-ed blog…

I’m skinny, or else I would not fit into size zero jeans (patting myself on the back slightly even though they are j.crew and j.crew zeros are to me, the ‘Fat Girl Zeros’).  And I would NOT have posted Fat pictures to the article of subject either.

But regular slim is not good enough for me.

Ummm ok. That sounds totally healthy.

So how to resolve this Fat?

I could restrict.

I could get liposuction.

But I shan’t.

French Girl Leek Soups may pop their little, fashionable heads into the upcoming weeks, as might my old No-Dinner-Thursday-Rule which I canceled in November…

I’ll keep it healthy, yet EXTREME.

MY HEALTHY.  And MY EXTREME.

Off topic, I’ve now counted the word “fashionable” 4 times. Anyway, I don’t have an ED but the words “healthy” and “extreme” just don’t seem compatible when speaking about food restriction.

But that’s not good enough for me.  If I am a regular skinny girl, I am nothing.  I must be what is acceptable to me.  I must be Vogue.  I must concurrently be the best and healthiest.  And that means looking like an Orange County housewife, not a regular girl who isn’t envied for her body.

Yep, this is sounding more and more healthy. She then goes on to say she intends to look like a lollipop head within 45 days, and justifies it with some sort of weird “eff you” to mental health professionals:

And this, mademoiselle, is why there is no such thing as recovery from an eating disorder.  What I have just written is not ‘healthy’, yet it is ‘healthy’ to me.  If my body is not supreme Vogue stature, then I am nothing.  If I am nothing, then I am not healthy.  This is not ‘disordered’ to me, yet it is certainly ‘disordered’ to others.  Who sets the bar for ‘recovery’ and ‘healthy’ anyway?  We do as individuals.  The DSM is Crap.

The sad part about this is the fact that there are young women who admire this person. To those girls I say I hope you read this and do not see something inspirational, unless it inspires you to get help from a professional. This woman, by equivocating and justifying her behavior and posting as if it is a reasonable plan, is (in my opinion) being irresponsible to her audience full of people who may be teetering on the verge of relapse.

This is terrible.I hope this girl gets over herself and gets some real help.

Gala Darling, happiness expert and GOMIBLOG Awards nominee in the Lifestyle Blogging category, has claimed she makes upwards of 100,000 dollars a year from her blog. She’s so famous and busy she even has a personal photographer/intern.

So if her blog is her business and income, why is she recycling posts? For instance, back in August, she posted a link for “The Ultimate Guide To Making Your Period Suck Less!” to her tumblr:

Then last week, it appears on her blog again, conveniently redated to appear new:

Is this what “professional blogging” is about now? Just recyclying your old content over and over? It’s crap like this that makes people give side eye to people who complain about how blogging is so hard, and how it’s so stressful to come up with content all the time.

Listen, bloggers: It’s great to have a post that you really loved. Reference it when you revisit the topic in a new post, don’t just change the date to make it appear new. That’s lazy and manipulative.