Mr. Lodwick, of odwick.com and every teen hipster's fantasy, has decided he hates you and wants to make you suffer. That's right - Jake is OUT OF HERE: Break Lodwick I’m going to take a 30 day break from blogging. I’m going through one of those phases where I cut elements out of my life in order to think clearly and this is one of them. I’ll miss you; see you November 17th! Well bummer! I'd say that sucks and my life will be empty until Jake returns to us, but it's just a blog and I really don't care.

Cary Randolph, the sort of sad, angry version of Emily Brill, is taking her brilliant proseinating skillz  on back to MO: I’m taking a long sabbatical in the home state for the next two weeks. What better time than now to give a big, red-lacquered middle finger to such corporate mainstays as “accrued vacation days” and visit friends on my parents’ dime? Or to put it another way, I’ve completely lost my mind. Since the airfare is nonrefundable, I plan on doing the following: * Impress college friends with my wacky “New York fashion”. * Smoke cigarettes inside the bar....

Sarah Lacy, globetrotter, is uh...not ignoring you! Nope! Her uh...phone...is lost! Or something! Dear everyone who keeps DM-ing, @-ing me, and Facebook-ing me: I'm not ignoring you. I'm in China and can't access either site. In fact, I can't even access this site. In fact, TypePad is pretty hit or miss too so this may or may not post. So forgive the silence. It's not you. It's me (and the great firewall.) Yeah um, she didn't get your message. Her voicemail is being SO weird. No, she's totally not mad you guys! She uh...well work has been really crazy, and...

Our favorite mermaid, Mary Rambin, is refusing to give me something to work with here. I mean...look at her. What am I supposed to say? She even did her own hair! Come on, Mermaid! Give me something to work with here!

OMGBEARS McCarthy, tambourine player for the Traveling Twopointohs, is caught somewhere between destinations: True to expectations, this place is largely red and white and populated with British businessmen. http://twitpic.com/leqhb36 minutes ago from TweetDeck A search party has been dispatched but without FourSquare no one knows how to find anyone anymore, so it could take days.

Based on a chatroom discussion last night, it seems I'm a little hard on the internets people. Guest998 suggested I throw out something once in a while that I actually like on the internet to prove I'm not an all-hating jealous ogre. Well, here you go. I'm sure most of you have seen it (one of my targets actually forwarded it to me), but in case you haven't you should know it's probably the most awesome thing you will see today. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWhUeAy35qc] I don't know about you, but I have a sexcrush on every person in that video.

Kevin Rose, loltrepreneur, is always good for a suggestive tweet. Today he brings us this cryptic missive: kevinrose Cream on the inside clean on the outside4 minutes ago from Tweetie He either washed a pastry or met a nice girl with some kind of infection. The world may never know. UPDATE: Oh, now I have to figure out what song he's talking about. kevinrose Haha ok cancel that last tweet, was quoting the song, and now I get the other meaning.. Ha'15 minutes ago from Tweetie I don't even care enough to google it.

Paul Carr, god's personal gift to the women of earth (who would have preferred a quiche or perhaps a nice bottle of wine, but thanks anyway), is being sought out to explain his desirability: Just been commissioned by a German magazine to write about the cliche that American women prefer British men. Which is in no way bizarre.about 11 hours ago from Tweetie This is so perfect. I know I for one cannot restrain my lust everytime I see the "Raised In Idaho" logo at the store. Visions of a sloppy pom slobbering all over my neck and fumbling at...

Rachel Sklar, one time blonde, is getting all Mr. Furious at Gmail's enormously ill-timed up: Hey Google! Hop to it and reinstate my Gmail storage please. This is bogus. Some 7 days. http://pic.gd/190698 #googlefail #googlefixmyemailabout 20 hours ago from TweetDeck (Sorry I'm cranky that Google has suspended my storage and is taking its time reinstating. Updating a CC expiry shld not be such a pain.)about 20 hours ago from TweetDeck Who thinks there's really no excuse in these times for a co. to withhold vital service for 24 hours after payment? GOOGLE STILL IS.about 2 hours ago from TweetDeck (Sorry,...

Cary Randolph, the only Missouri girl in NYC (Ok, so I said she was from Kansas, which shows you how much journalistic giveaCrap I have), is clapping her hands. Why? She now has a column in her hometown's newspaper. Yeah, I know. What's it all about? A one of a kind adventure never before heard about - a Midwestern girl moving to New York! On November 28, 2008, I packed two suitcases, bid Joplin goodbye, and bought a one-way ticket to New York City. You would think that with no job and in the midst of the worst financial crisis...

Nick McGlynn, the sexual satisfier of millions and counting, is attending a soiree at the red tomater: Law & Order SVU Event (@ Rouge Tomate in NYC) http://bit.ly/UjnnF Similiarly exclusive events are being held by my mom in Wichata Falls, and my aunts Sharon and Moisha somewhere in Flushing.

Peter Feld, human fog machine, is not even laughing on the inside: Watching that new “viral” Sarah Silverman video everyone thinks is so hysterical. Of course, he does actually have a sense of humor! He's got me rolling on the floor pissing Franzia with this one: Great news! The Nobel Committee has awarded the 2009 World Series to the Yankees.9:16 AM Oct 9th from web HA! A "make fun of Obama's Nobel Prize" joke! Those just never get old!!!

You asked for it, you got it, because that's just the way things work on GOMIBLOG. Remember Emily Brill? Good old Hamily. You could always count on her country club boufhair, her matronly floral shift dresses, those huge white sunglasses. It was like seeing the mom from "Parents" do a lipdub. Well, meet Cary. Cary is from WhogivesaCrap KS and is either 23 or 47 years old. It's hard to tell and I can't be arsed to look it up. Anyway, let's jump in with a sample of Cary's wordsmithery and you folks can decide if you want more: I...

The always sexy Richard Blakeley is making sure you don't miss your chance to buy his book! Only 20 more days left until you can buy these bad boys IRL. 1 day ago • 5 notes That's right: the life affirming diary of his former eating habits will be available to you, yes YOU on October 27th. You should really preorder because that Crap is going to sell out faster than Julia Allison at a reality show open call! And don't be a big D about this. You know he needs money for his lawyer. Help a brotha out.

Nick McGlynn (pictured above in the patented Schlub Steel pose), personal photographer for thatgirlallison, has been kind enough to help me post during my drunken revel this evening. He has thoughtfully supplied the location of the New York Douche Party: Scott & Caroline's Birthday (@ Destination w/ @caro @juanjuang @drunkbrunch @blakeley @thatgirlallison @fimoculous) http://bit.ly/KGXGSabout 1 hour ago from foursquare The sound you hear is vinegar and water flushing out the front door of Destination. And now, I'm going back to my vodka and Dr. Goldfoot and His Bikini Machine. Have a great night and avoid Destination unless you have a...

Paul Carr,  possible child hater, still finds crafting the Greatest Literary Achievement Of Our Time to be exhausting and difficult: Reading through old emails from two years ago for the new book. This is really hard.about 12 hours ago from Tweetie Considering the "ballpark" release date of his future Nobel Prize winner is June of 2010, you'd think the most important voice of this generation would get his Crap together and quit pissing and moaning about his oh-so-hard profession and just write something already. Seriously, he's like Julia Allison with a penis - useless, talentless, starving for attention, and constantly...

Sarah Lacy, the most googled woman of 2002 in the Ukraine, is done being the nice sweet woman you know and love. She's ready to toss out a few potshots at the other internets women stealing her thunder: after a crap day, i had a GREAT call abt my china trip. did an embarrassing dance of excitement in the kitchen. thank god i don't lifecast.about 8 hours ago from web Ohhhh hahaha! Thank GOD you don't lifecast because that's the only way to really embarass yourself.

Michael Arrington, leading cause of acid reflux on the internets and hater of free speech, is learning to cope with people saying things he doesn't like. oh. my. "Somehow Michael Arrington got some sand in his vagina over this Google Voice thing" http://bit.ly/Ndcjgabout 24 hours ago from Seesmic i remember the days when i had a thin skin and things like "sand in his vagina" would have pissed me off. now i forward it 2 my parentsabout 24 hours ago from Seesmic Either Arri grew a sense of humor (unlikely), or he's kinda high (who knows). Perhaps the paint has...

Robert Scoble, aka Scobelizer, the Scobester, El Scobarino, Scobemeister, Scobedizzle, did the logical thing when confused by google's logo - he went to twitter! http://www.google.com has an interesting barcode for a logo.about 11 hours ago from web Thanks @StevenWallingabout 10 hours ago from web Well duh. When google has some weird logo up, do you click on it to see what they are marking today? Poop to the no, people, hole to the no. You go to twitter and crowdsource it. This is how all learning will take place In The Future.

It seems the wandering webturds are being allowed back in America (write your Congressman). Mary Mermaid swam off a plane in Houston yesterday. Now it seems Kevin "Mothafuxin Excitement" Rose is on his way back to the land of you money: Last night in London, back home tomorrow! about 24 hours ago from Tweetie Now taking bets on what stupid "Yay I'm home" pic he'll post from the airport. Will it be: a pic looking out the plane window, "Just landed" luggage feed, "Taking so long" pic of a cinnabon and "I love this country" Obviously he will be wearing...