Oh I won't explain that reference. Go rent DICK and figure it out. Annnnywhoodle. I was bored as a eunuch on the moon today so I did a little digging into what my sources mentioned to me. Seems someone has in fact been slithering about seeking a new residence: Now, he either plans on hiding his evening gowns and high heels for special dress up alone time, or some reason must exist that is forcing him to seek a new place to live. Perhaps the answer is in someone's newly updated Facebook Status? She was born in Virginia? What the...

Paul Carr, TechCrunch's worst decision to date (although that's not saying much), has turned on his '13 year old girl getting her first period' voice. When I wrote the last book, thanks to the events described in it, I had no job, no female distractions, no interest in socialising; really no inclination at all to leave my flat in East Dulwich. At the time, I hated it. I was miserable. But my God was I productive... This time I’m also living in hotels...and not one of them – not one - boasts a comfortable work space. Beds, yes; bathtubs, certainly....

Yesterday we reported that David Karp's friend for sex, Rachel, had crabs. Today we learn that Rachel was apparently injured in a vicious crab struggle! Karp tries to make it sound like no big deal: Rachel hurt herself :( We know the truth. Crabs are evil, angry creatures with nothing but revenge on their minds. Get well soon, Rachel. And watch out for crabs.

Some webturd named Cary Randolf, friend of Meghan Asha and some BusinessWeek teabagger I've never heard of, seems to think she is mego mego important because she got a basic souvenir pass to Fashion Week: Good morning from Bryant Park! Gaze upon my all-access press pass, acquired with a little help from Meghan Asha at Nonsociety and Larry Chiang at Business Week. Now I really can go everywhere! That's weird; when I read her pass, I see this: ADMITS BEARER ONLY ACCESS TO LOBBY/PRESS LOUNGE DURING OPEN HOURS. NOT VALID FOR SHOW ENTRY. NEVER ALLOWS BEARER TO ESCORT ANYONE AT...

thatgirlallison, desperate wannabe and hanger-on, so does not care about Fashion Week, ok? Like, she wouldn't go to any top drawer event things even if you BEGGED, cause she just doesn't care. Fashion Week Is it wrong if I just don’t care about it at all?  Like, I really don’t understand what all the fuss is about. See? So look, Anna Wintour, don't even bother inviting her back to your place for campari and soda, cause she won't go. She just soooo doesn't care, ok?

Julia Allison, style expert and voice of a generation, really speaks what we all think but are just too afraid to tweet: Do you ever wonder to yourself, "Self, how did the head of wardrobe for Blossom ever manage to find work again?"about 5 hours ago from web It's amazing. I can't tell you how many times I have been in my 11th hour at work, pits deep in my 77th project of the week, kvetching that I'm out of coffee and wishing I could just take some Cheeze-Its and season one of Alf and call it a night, except...

Caro "OMG BEARS!" McCarthy just wants to warn everyone that over in the backwater place known as "New Jersey" bears roam free and eat children: In central NJ, this is cause for panic: http://twitpic.com/h3dur30 minutes ago from TweetDeck Jezzzzus! How will its residents get all their outlet shopping accomplished with such foldeeroll going on! Where are the state troopers? FEMA? Will New Jersey ever manage to get settled and civilised if such things are allowed to continue?

If you're one of the hundreds of 12 year olds with a tumblr and an inexplicable crush on its mophaired founder, you'll be amused to know the above picture is from David Karp's tumblr. Now we can all be 12 years old without a tumblr, and just yell HAHA DAVID KARP'S GF HAS CRABS!

Rachel Billow, sous chef for the drive-thru called Julia Allison's digestive tract, keeps on keepin' on with her totally-not-going-to-run-over-a-kid driving technique: Hancock Building in the fog. Not a bad photo, considering I was driving and therefore not looking at the camera. http://twitpic.com/h1owuabout 9 hours ago from TwitterFon I think we're starting to figure out why she's friends with Julia Allison.

Emily Gould, secret Julia Allison friend and the female Paul Carr, is growing older! Like, every day, folks! I was headed towards the cash register...when a couple cut in front of me in line.  They didn’t mean to; they probably didn’t even see me... They were in their early twenties. Any other night would surely have elicited a "Don't you know who I am" and Street Fighter II music cueing up. But tonight, holding her dark chocolate and beer, Emily was just TOO SAD: I went home and made myself a Greek salad and ate it out of a plastic...

First of all, it has to be said: Whoa bortch. Look at the sex dripping off this hunk of man. Ok. Moving on! Michael Arrington, misguided person in charge of hiring people, actually thinks there are times when Paultato Head Carr writes well!!! @kate_marigold it's necessary. @paulcarr only writes well when he feels threatened and vulnerable.about 22 hours ago from web in reply to kate_marigold So basically Arringitout forces Carr to I dunno, read his own articles naked in front of Lance Bass? Makes him watch "Becker" reruns with a wicked stoned sea otter? Tells him to turn in a...

Jakob Lodwick, perpetual character in an Orbit gum commercial, would like to share a little poetreeeh with you. Right vs. Left is wrong at best, a superficial ruse that blocks the mind’s perception of the underlying truths. You know, if Dr. Kutner had left this behind maybe I wouldn't feel so empty and confused about what happened. As it is, it's probably just old brickdick being artsy, or wiccan, or something.

If you've ever wanted to take Julia Allison's apartment, the powder room of a nursing home, and the clearance aisle at Wal-Mart and create a perfect recreation of the inside of I Dream Of Jeannie If She Lived In A Trailer, you're in luck! that allison person has done all the work, and you get to enjoy the results! Except for the omg parquet floors and the piles of trash sitting around (you're putting a pic of your home online - you can't be ed to pick up the clutter?) it's every 4 year old girl's dream home!

Paul Carr, useless nobody and a fail at trolling, has been fired from yet another job. Hey ho, another day, another firing. And I think this one might actually be a new record – what’s it been? Five weeks? ...annoyingly but tragically predictably – I’m hearing whispers of weirdness from ’sources close’, so I figure I might as well write something. If only so I never have to talk about it again. In a nutshole, Paultato is boring and nobody cares. No one is reading his drivel, and the Telegraph noticed: This morning I received from (weirdly) the boss of...

thatgirlallison, victim of blueprint starvation and healthy body haver, has shifted her field of op/ed to include service worker's right to tips, a job she most likely knows nothing about: On one hand, how much extra money do you expect me to give you for driving your car and walking my pizza to my door?  I think the concept of tipping has become excessive is America.  Everyone seems to think they deserve a tip nowadays.  Don’t you think your baristas at Starbucks deserve a tip?  Certainly.  Don’t forget, if you don’t want your change, you can throw it in that...

Mary Rambin, ignorable less attractive sister of the ignorable kind of attractive Levin, bought her 739th bathing suit of 2009! And I love that it’s a one piece. Now that I’ve taken up enjoying a Corona with 2 limes when laying by the pool, the extra coverage will come in handy.  And it’s still sexy (or at least I think it shows off the little I have in the best possible light).  The tie is my favorite part because I can do it at least three different ways. One-pieces and vintage cuts are making a pretty strong comeback now, and...

Julia Allison, special snowflake and adventure haver, just wants to make sure you haters finally believe she was a DANCER. Apparently unlike every other gee dee upper middle class suburban American girl, she took ballet. Wow...she just gets more unique and interesting with each passing day. My ballet school growing up.  I was never athletically gifted, but I loved to dance.  I practiced ballet from the age of 5 until I left for college - the whole thing, pink tights, black leoturd, hair in a bun. You guys, I think we can finally all agree that Julia was a DANCER....

Sarah Lacy, threat of rape victim and hater of comments, is the latest casualty of the cruel cruel world of anonymous commenters: I've been attacked in Austin, Israel, China and Africa for seemingly innocuous things I've done or written, but no one has ever gone after my husband. Now I'm in a position where he's incensed and scared for my safety and trying to convince me not to travel to Brazil at all, to cut the country out of my book completely. And if you've read some of the comments-- that's not necessarily an over-reaction. Poor Sarah can't understand why...

Sarah Lacy, self-absorbed twet and not-going-to-Brazil person, has christened herself the new Bob Woodward. (Me on the phone with Bernstein, er...Paul Carr discussing Spotify last night. That's right, Paul, I'm Woodward.) Look folks. If the 9 people who know slash care who you are aren't dubbing you with the moniker you've desired your whole life, then maybe it's because you haven't given them any reason to make the connection. Assigning  yourself a nickname just makes you sound like George Costanza demanding to be called T-Bone - pathetic.

Julia Allison, champion failer at blogging, thinks you should know that it's not like she just adds anyone to her Facebook. Me: Actually, my summer fling (aka 'Booty Text') isn't a "friend" of mine on Facebook either. @RBillow: This is a truly disturbing trend.about 5 hours ago from web It's like we are twins. I know when I talk to my friends the first thing on my mind is ensuring that the exchange is sufficiently jocular for tweeting to the entire planet. Why enjoy the actual conversation when I can spend time deciding which combination of 140 characters will get...