As she closes in on the finish line, Kath is finally starting to realize that there’s more to babies than fun times and  adorableness. No, one can’t just simply nurture a fetus into adulthood through real food and body pump; unfortunately additional tedious tasks are required. Tasks which Kerf claim are worse than baby poop. Tasks like the difficult administrative paperwork that comes with birthing a new human. Please note that she is “not an expert” and will look into these things soon. “Probably.” Because why bother with the annoying, time consuming little details that may impact your child’s life later on?

Her list includes two things that I would think all new parents would prioritize: writing a will and deciding on guardianship in the unlikely event that both parents expire. Kerf admits that she doesn’t even have a will, since she “thinks” that “in most states married couples pass on all of their assets to their spouse upon death, and then their children when both spouses die.” At this point with an established marriage and family writing a will seems a bit “unnecessary.” Now, I’m not any type of parent or will expert, so I have no idea if wills are really that necessary. But they usually seem like a good idea, especially once children are added into the equation, not to mention owning a home and a business. To me it seems like one of those “it couldn’t hurt” to have items, despite the minor hassle of writing one and making sure it’s valid. At the very least, Kerf could bother herself with looking into what happens to their estate without a will if both she and her husband pass away.

Kerf follows the pesky will item with the issue of guardianship, calling that particular paperwork “unlikely” and “probably another thing to get in legal writing.” All somewhat valid points, but again- why not just suck it up and do it? It may never be needed, but it would be incredibly important to have if it was. I can’t imagine that either of these documents would take all that long to settle, and once they’re written you only have to address them again if any changes need to be made. As far as I am aware, it’s all a very straightforward process. Nothing that can compare to as “worse than poop.”

You never know what’s going to happen and part of being a parent is being prepared for the unlikely and providing for your children’s care in the event that you are unable to anymore. It’s very basic stuff that are necessary evils of adulthood. Kerf may hem and haw and wish that she didn’t have to bother with the dull intricacies of parenthood, but unfortunately the bad comes with the good. There is no “probably” about it. If Kerf is overwhelmed now just thinking about paperwork, she might want to brace herself for the next 18 years.

Kath Younger, it feels like she’s been pregnant since 1997, has published her “Birth Wish List” – that essential document written by the modern pregnant woman in the hopes that they will be one of the 2% whose birth goes totally, precisely, exactly how they want.

KERF’s list includes the usual blogger demand to keep her placenta, and essentials such as “I’d like some jokes made to lighten the mood and help me relax”. Because labor should simulate a night at the Improv, I guess.  She also doesn’t want to even “be offered pain medication or an epidural”, wants to wear her “own clothes”, and she’d “like to get in the tub!”

It’s all about as exciting as you would expect from the manila envelope of healthy living blogging. I can’t wait to hear a birth story full of water not breaking, labor not progressing, demands for drugs, and not giving three effs about the placenta by the time they finally get those shoulders unwedged from her pelvis. Sadly this is KERF and her birth will most likely be as boring as her pregnancy and…well, her.

Kerf, who is on vacation even though she claims to never take vacations, is currently in her 25th monumental week of pregnancy. So far she has spent her gestation analyzing every single bodily function or response that could potentially be related to her pregnancy, ranging from her incessant complaints about SI pain to the perceived movements of the fetus. Just reading her entirely separate blog devoted to chronicling every last minutia of pregnancy is exhausting, so I can only imagine how hard life can be for her. Sometimes I think all the kicking kerfetus does is just to get his mother to chill out and stop thinking so much.

Kerf has had some weird anxieties about pregnancy and as a result, some weird ideas about what one can and can’t do while pregnant. She stopped riding a bike early in pregnancy, even though

I read in Fit Pregnancy that biking is OK for pregnant women so long as they play it safe, but I’m not sure riding on roads counts as safe, so I’m choosing to abstain.

I know that Fit Pregnancy isn’t the New Yorker but I would assume they know what they’re talking about when it comes to pregnancy and exercise. However, Kerf has previously demonstrated that she trusts herself over any other form of authority or source of information so it’s not surprising she threw their advice out the window immediately. It seems she apparently decided that she was, in fact, safe enough because later posts indicate that she ends up riding her bike despite her public claim of abstention.

She then decides that she is no longer going to use the elliptical or vacuum because her yoga teacher/doula has claimed that these activities can throw the hips out of alignment, making labor more difficult. I’m going to go ahead and assume that the vast majority of healthy babies born in the history of humanity, or at least the existence of the vacuum, have been born to women who have vacuumed while pregnant. She backtracks in the comments and states that she’s vacuuming more “mindfully” and not cutting it out entirely and says she “should have worded it differently.” However, “we really don’t know how women’s activities over the years have affected labor” so it’s not as ridiculous as it sounds.

While bike riding, the elliptical, and vacuuming are all looked at suspiciously, taking a little dip in the hot tub doesn’t seem to problematic at all for Kerf who recently jumped in one at the first sign of an “issue with the weather.” Now, I’ve always been under the impression that pregnant women are strongly advised against using hot tubs and if they do decide to use them to make the dip brief and at a cooler temperature. Granted, Kerf did just that (or so she claims), but what I find remarkable is that she managed to use only one exclamation mark and didn’t follow with an anxious question about the appropriateness of using a hot tub. Maybe she finally is starting to relax; funny how vacations can do that for you.

Tina of Carrots ‘n’ Cake has been struggling with colitis for a while now. Those of us who were concerned that her recent cruise to Mexico would be ruined by her intestines can rest easy. Despite drinking a ton and eating like crap, Tina’s bowels were completely silent during her whole trip! It turns out the doctor was right: stress does contribute to her flareups. Who knew?

Now that Tina has decided her life of drinking iced coffee, going to CrossFit, watching Ellen, and hanging out with her pug, is far too stressful she has reached out to her readers for help. What suggestions do they have on how to de-stress? After all, Tina is “willing to try just about anything!” In the comments we will discover two parties: one of logic and one of idiocy.

Those thinking reasonably are suggesting the usual suspects like taking a bath, going for a walk, or sitting in a park.. The less logical ideas are where we find the real gems. Kellie notes, ” I’m trying harder to allow myself a beer here and there to calm down, even if it’s 4:30 p.m. on a Monday. I used to tell myself there was no reason for that “need” during the week. Although it isn’t a need, it’s a great tool to make me sit down and soak up life for a few minutes before getting on to the next task.” Great idea Kellie, alcohol is known to be very good for an inflamed colon. Nobody I know has “stomach issues” following a heavy night of drinking.

Shana notes that, much like parenting, bloggers “NEVER get a day off!” The stress of blogging just piles up, exactly  just like the stress of taking care of a child. We all know that reading e-mails, writing posts, and maintaining your twitter feed are exactly like feeding and caring for a child. You definitely can’t just not read your e-mail or only write two posts in one day like you could “forget” to give your kid dinner. Shana recommends more “blogsitters” so that Tina can take more time off. I don’t know, why not just not blog for a day or two instead? I think we’ll live without another post on how you drank iced coffee and went to CrossFit.

Rebecca, who blogs at Blueberry Smiles, had my favorite suggestion of all. “This might sound silly, but have you ever thought of hiring an unpaid intern for a few hours a week? You could delegate the more monotonous tasks like helping with email flow, etc and I’m positive there are tons of college kids in your area who would live to help. When I’m totally swamped at work, interns are a lifesaver.” Yes, I’m sure there are plenty of college kids who would live to help Tina with her monotonous tasks. What a great addition to their resume; future employers will be thrilled to discover that they are able to handle someone else’s “email flow.” I guess it’s not that bad of a suggestion as long as they get some college credit for it. Everybody has to start somewhere!

The fact that there are people out there who think it’s reasonable to compare blogging to parenting, that bloggers could actually require interns to get through their workloads, or that there are those who hand out pseudo medical advice like drinking beer to help one’s colitis, depresses me to no end. It’s even more infuriating that some bloggers think they have stressful lives and stressful jobs. I understand that we don’t know exactly what goes on behind the scenes; however, some enlightenment might do readers a bit of good. You can tell me you have a busy day all you want, but when all I see on the blog is a dog walk and a workout then I’m going to have to call you a liar.

Brittany, runs the blog “A Healthy Slice of Life“, has decided to prove the poors wrong. She is going to feed her family on 400 bucks a month, just to show that food stampers can eat healthy if they really really want to:

I’m not going to get all political, but to sum things up, I feel that government programs are wonderful when they are helping people who have come across hard times and need some assistance getting back up on their feet. However, I feel that too many people depend on them heavily as a way of life, not as assistance. Many times these people are also the ones buying soda and chips and complaining that it’s too expensive to eat healthy foods.

That’s right poors – Brittany is watching all of you, and knows you buy soda and chips instead of loganic produce and free trade brown rice! Wait, wait – why are you all so appalled by her little experiment? She totally understands it’s not  cheap to buy healthy food. Seriously you guys are just taking her post the wrong way! All she meant was, she likes a “good challenge”:

[B]asically it was said that is was too difficult to eat healthy foods for every meal with the amount of money one receives through the EBT program. BAM. Consider my interest piqued. I love a good challenge. I decided that I could do it. I could feed David, Hailey and me a healthy diet for a week on only the amount of money allocated to a family of 3 via EBT.

You know what folks, if you want to lower your grocery budgets and eat on the cheap that’s fine. Commendable, even. But I really wish bloggers would stop trying to prove that all those folks on EBT sit around eating junk food and drinking 40’s, and that they all just choose to be unhealthy.

Sorry but if you are an upper middle class white lady in the suburbs of North Carolina, your attitude of ‘if I can do it, so can they’ is just beyond snotty. The inner city poor do not have a nice SUV to pack up all their cheap fresh veggies from Costco before preparing them in their nice little kitchen. Please stop acting like ‘well they should just buy vegetables and lean meats and whole grains!’ is the final answer for what is going on nutritionally with those using government assistance, and get back to stressing about the farmer’s market being out of kale.