Mary Rambin, branding consultant, took yesterday off because blogging is hard and she had nothing to say:

I don’t have anything to say today.

Sorry, just not in the talkative mood I guess…which is strange…but I really only blog when I have something to say. Today, I got nothin’.

Not to worry, I’m perfectly content. Happy as a clam. Just not inspired.

Hope you have a nice day!

Following her lead were her millions of female fans, who just weren’t in a working mood and took the day off from work. In unrelated news, mass firings of women were reported nationwide yesterday for ‘being lazy entitled bortches’.

Jordan Reidshackle, big time eater yall!, is the latest dumb bortch with a tumblr to get the ‘omg ur like a tech ladeez!!!’ treatment:

On June 7, I’ll be speaking at an Internet Week event on Women in Tech-Media (hopefully I’ll be a little less nervous than I was last time). If you’d like to attend – and please do; I’d love to get a chance to meet as many of you as possible! – click HERE to register (it’s only $5).

You know, I bet when Bobble sat down and created her tumblr back in the misty past known as 8 months ago, she never envisioned that she would be the professional blogging and tech expert she is today.

Possible topics may include:

• CD and DIR: Using Advanced Command Prompt Stuff
• F8: OMG Punch It After Restart And Like, Options Happen
• Blogging 401: Advanced tumblr Options, With Special Tutorial On Hex BG Colour Stuff
• Internet Haters: Fighting Back Using Positivity, Pity, and Blinding Rage So Thick That You Start Commenting and Crying And Then Write An FAQ and 20 Posts About It, But It Never Ever Stops

I’m sure we all have a lot to learn from Tech Expert Bobblehead! See you guys there!

Richard Blakeley has, according to the New York Unified Court System website, “Pled Guilty & Sentence Imposed“.

We have had word from three sources now that Gawker honchos claimed if Blakeley was guilty he would be canned. We’ll wait and see on that info.

Comments are open. No Arrington, you can not defend him.

UPDATE: Denton apparently clarifies it with twitter, the AP of web 2.0. I guess that means the good news is Dickey won’t be losing his job! Everyone take the rest of the day off work to celebrate!

Jordan Reidstrauchelglam has some FAQ up on her site that supposedly addresses all the constant questions about herself she receives. In case you’ve missed it I’m shoving it into your fat pale catlady faces here. I know how you’re all dying to know things like where did Jordan go to school, and is she married? Find out now!

What is a “Haphazard Guide to Happiness”?

Well, it’s not a “guide” as much as it is an encapsulation of my (ever-so-slightly disastrous, but generally pretty positive) approach to life. I think that there’s an unbelievable amount of negativity out there in the world – and especially on the internet – and that fear of being judged impacts people’s ability to embrace what they truly enjoy. The point of this site is to encourage you to shut out all that noise and do what makes you feel good.

What’s your educational background?

I went to elementary school at Trinity and middle and high school at Dalton, and then majored in cognitive neuroscience (basically, the biology of psychology) at Harvard. I’ve also studied at Lee Strasberg (acting), the American Academy of Dramatic Arts (acting), Parsons (fine arts), and University College London (my semester abroad), and have completed half of a Master’s in Hospitality at NYU.

How do I advertise on Ramshackle Glam?

Just shoot me an email at jordan@ramshackleglam.com and we’ll chat! Options range from sponsored posts to videos and ad packages, and I’ll tailor some fun stuff just for you.

What do you do for BetterTV?

I’m a freelance correspondent. That means that they call me when they have a story they want me to cover (or sometimes I call them when I have a story that I think would make a good one). Sometimes I get paid, sometimes I don’t; it depends on the specifics of the shoot.

How did you and Kendrick meet?

We met on Myspace when I friend-requested his band (I’d gone to high school with two of the members). We went on our first date when I flew to NY for a Fashion Week job (I was living in LA at the time), went on our second date when he came to LA on tour, and got engaged six weeks later, in Vegas.

Do you disclose whenever you get a free product or get paid to write about a product?

Yup, and I have from the moment I started blogging in August 2009. When the FTC regulations passed, I wrote this, and that continues to be how I feel. I want you to trust me, and telling you when I’m getting paid to write a post is a big part of that.

How do I know that you’re disclosing?

You’ll know that a post is paid for if you see a “Sponsored Post” button, or a statement clearly stating that compensation was provided by the advertiser. I don’t pay for products for giveaways, of course, but unless I say that I was compensated for a giveaway post, I wasn’t. If a company that has a standing ad on the site pays me to do an additional post, I’ll tell you. If I just decide to write a post about a company that’s advertising on the site already for no additional compensation, I’ll note that X company is a sponsor of RamshackleGlam.

What’s your commenting policy?

My comments are completely unmoderated. I try to maintain a positive vibe and keep the conversation flowing, but sometimes – fortunately, very rarely – I need to delete comments. I delete comments for the following reasons:

1. Rudeness and aggression (there is a difference between constructive criticism and outright attacks on my person or character).

2. Disclosure of my – or anyone’s – personal information (this is just a safety precaution).

3. Repetition. If the same comment is put up multiple times (this is usually a mistake), of course I’ll delete the repeats. I will also delete comments that repeatedly ask questions that have already been answered; this is just frustrating for regular readers, and for me. Hopefully the FAQ will help on this point.

4. Attacks on my friends and family (even if you just comment saying you don’t like my friend’s haircut, I’ll probably delete that, because my relationships are of the utmost importance, and I don’t want my site hurting any of the people that I love).

If a commenter does any of the above three things repeatedly, I may block him/her from commenting on the site in the future (at least on the computer he/she used for the initial comments). Also, just FYI, comments occasionally get stuck in the spam filter, so if you leave a totally innocuous comment that doesn’t show up, it’s not because I’m in a bad mood. Just shoot me an email, and I’ll fix it!

Do you have a trust fund?

No. Kendrick and I support ourselves as best we can, and it’s tough sometimes, but we make it work.

Well, then, how is it that you can afford to go out to eat all the time/do fun stuff?

I don’t do fun stuff all the time – but I do take more photographs of the fun stuff than the not-fun stuff, because it’s more…fun. We basically prioritize, just like everyone does. We love trying new restaurants, so maybe we’ll split an entree and eat Kraft mac ‘n’ cheese the next day. It’s all about compromise (not that Kraft mac is a compromise…it is an angel fallen straight to earth in food form).

What does Kendrick do to make a living?

I don’t discuss how Kendrick makes a living, because he didn’t choose to start a blog – I did. I will tell you that I’m super proud of him for having done this (download the whole album for free here).

So how do you make a living?

I make a living from freelance writing, hosting, the occasional residual from my acting days, and, yes, from revenue generated by this blog in the form of sponsored posts and ads.

Do you want kids?

Yes! Definitely one, maybe two. But we’ll probably have to move to California (or at least outside of Manhattan) to have ‘em.

Are you really happy all of the time?

Nah, I just smile really big Of course I’m not happy all of the time – I have the same issues (financial, marital, what have you) as everyone else…but I do try and maintain a positive outlook as much as possible. Also, whenever you see me here, on this site, I’m probably grinning ear-to-ear, because absolutely nothing makes me happier than coming here every day and getting to know all of you. Cheesy? Perhaps. True? Absolutely.

You know, I really feel like I KNOW Jordan now. I mean, I don’t think I can even snark about her anymore. She seems so real to me now, so accessible and just like us.  So honest and brave of her to share all this with us! If you’ll excuse me, I have to go email an apology and ask if she will give me some successful blogger secret tips.

God I love bikinis. RT @molliechen: emphatic no RT @campbell_g: Are one-piece bathing suits more flattering than bikinis? about 1 hour ago via UberTwitter

Emily Gould, EVERYONE WAVE AT EMILY AFTER SHE FOLLOWS HER GOOGLE ALERT!, now begins the sad descent into blog-to-book deal oblivion. Sales of her book are dismal, and she’s basically just concentrating on being the next Julia Childs via her internet cooking show thing.

Now, obviously Emily can’t just go shut-the–uply into that good night. Popeye Wings gave a snore interview to some blog and as you would expect said absolutely nothing new or different than she has the other 9390238 times she has opened her mouth. Seriously, it’s the same Crap as always: how has being internet famous and a famous author affected your life, lady blogger issues, blah blah.

After going on about how HER generation is really the first generation to REALLY understand the internet…she proves she has no idea what the internet is or how it works by pulling out the Emily Gould Patented You Have Problems If You Are Mean To Me routine:

Q: What is it that gives people a license too hide behind some wall of virtual anonymity and really just rip into someone else?

A:  …It’s hard to have insight into why people feel they have license to be so awful and also just as hard to see why people also have such really extreme intense positive reactions, which happen in equal measure although the people with the really positive reactions don’t seem to be as vocal on the internet because they are sane and happy…

There you have it. If you aren’t Craptin’ rainbows and junior mints shaped like kittens all over the internet then you are mental and miserable. I bet you had never heard that before! For more life altering information such as this head over to Amazon and purchase And Emily’s Farts Smell Better for only 12.99 9.99 4.99!

Megatits McCain, political expert, knows exactly who is responsible for the ongoing oil hemorrhage – the other guy:

so is this oil spill ever going to get fixed and stop gushing into the ocean? or is the Obama administration just calling it a day? 9:24 AM May 21st via web

It’s not the ineffectual efforts of BP to minimize the spill in order to cover up what they are doing. No sir, it’s the Democratic party. Those basturds with their EPA blah blah and National Wildlife Foundation crap holding up the cleanup.

Not since Cher Horowitz has a privileged blonde had so much to say about something they know so little about. As Americans, we are lucky to have the insight provided by Megatits. It’s about time we had a spoiled, clueless brat to tell us how it really is in this country. Thank you, Megatits! May the bald eagle American flag window film behind your gun rack inspire us all.