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Internets Sarah Lacy, “writer”, is once again travelling the world. Always the gracious guest and welcome ambassador of the typical American traveler, Lacy uses twitter to keep us abreast of her wonderful experiences: up early in indonesia. how in a country that contains SUMATRA do i have instant in-room coffee this bad? 🙁
She recovered from her shock and dismay in time for dinner, when she went out and enjoyed the local fare: embarrassed that i’m having a quesadilla for dinner in indonesia. i think it’s just that i miss my home in the mission tonight 🙁 “indonesian donald trump” on the phone from Regalito, right? David Karp, employer of such internet treasures as Poundcake, managed to squeeze another 10 million dollars out of his investors 3 weeks ago. What’s the first thing to do when your backers display such faith in your Superfun Treehouse Club company? a) Go to your office and work round the clock to implement visible and useful improvements to your product that will induce users to give you money; b) Formulate a plan to sell the company to a corporation that is actually going to be able to monetize it; or c) Drop 15k and take your girlfriend to OMG JAPAN for a week (whatever, visit some tumblr users so you can write it off!), because she accomplished the age of 23 25. Guess which one David did!
Julia Allison, hon can you smell this? smells kind of sour…yeah let’s throw it out, sort of figured she would have a fiance by now. Since she doesn’t she is going to post that song anyway: HER SPECIAL LOVE SONG! I always thought I’d post this when I fell madly in love with some guy. But it came on my iPod shuffle today when I was sweeping the main room (for karma yoga), and I realized that the love between a romantic couple is just a tiny fraction of the love you can feel – love with the universe, love with God (or whatever you choose to call that higher power) … and that love can walk in at any moment, if you choose to let it. You just have to open the door. Wait…she thought she would post it when she fell madly in love with some guy? Perhaps a visual aid would help. Guys Julia Allison did not post this song for: Harold Ford Dave Zinczenko Kevin Rose Ernesto The Superhorse This could mean Julia Allison has never been in love with some guy. If she has never been in love, she has no soul. If she has no soul, then she is a vampire. Conclusion? Julia Allison is a moron. Julia Allison, can’t believe I’m typing her name again, spent a week making a BFD about how she is leaving the internet and waddling off to an ashram. I assume it’s to do yoga, find her center, spirit something, has nothing to do with that divorced chick doing yogie and finding a hot young guy to bang after she got fat on pasta? I seriously cannot imagine her motivation here, unless Emily Ghoulllld convinced her she needed to do it for her writing. Anyway, we have heard nothing on twitter or her tumblr business for I guess about 5 days now. I sort of expected the internets to collapse in on itself once the person who invented blogging left for a whole day, but nobody seems to care. I really wonder if she thought “Oh I’ll go offline, and they will BEG me to come back. Gawker will do a piece on how the only woman to ever be a founder of a blog has gone offline! RBNS will shutter it’s doors! Kevin Rose will seek me out at the ashram to declare he can’t live without a daily dose of ME!” And instead all she got was a huge internet shrug. I would feel sorry for her, but that would take time away from making this bologna sandwich, and I have priorities. Megatits McCain, who will see your hate and raise you with more hate, just does not get how you people think she looks so different in real life compared to her online photos: people keep telling me I look so different right now, I’m almost 26 most media outlets use pictures of me at 22 or younger…thats all! 9:27 PM May 11th via web Well let’s see what her official Daily Beast column headshot is and maybe we can clear this up. Um. Oh. Right, ok. It must be a Me/aghan thing to only post flattering pics. And hey, I can understand you are in media and need to put out a certain image and yadda yadda. But when you rape your face with the liquify tool or only post myspace shots you do not get to complain when people see you in meatspace and say “DAMN you don’t look ANYTHING like your pics!” This is why photoshop and dream angles should be reserved for p**n and magazine covers. Not your tumblr or twitpics. Just a thought. . …because somehow, people are being conned into interviewing her like shes Princess Fucking Diana. Jordan Reid, um who?, is still managing to pimp her glamspacklevag slipshod guide to shillingness all over the place. Or I suppose I should say, her army of publicists, agents, and managers are cramming it down the throats of such illustrious websites as “Composure Marketing”: A few days ago, I sat down with Composure Marketing to talk about my switchover to Ramshackle Glam. Go HERE to read the interview. You can go read the whole nap inducing article, or I can save you the price of a ticket to Snore City and post the funniest part. Princess Jordan, expert at nothing but not claiming to be but let me give you advice on everything, is going to tell us how to drive traffic to a blog! Natasha: How do you manage to retain visitors that come to your site for your Jordan: I pay very close attention to my traffic, and have developed a pretty solid understanding of what types of posts make it “spike.” Spikes are incredibly valuable, but ultimately only mean something if you’re able to hold onto at least a percentage of the new visitors (my goal is to retain approximately 25% of the new readers attracted by a given spike). To that end, whenever I post something that I think will create a “spike,” or whenever I know that another media outlet is writing about me (articles on big sites that reference your site will always create a spike), I make sure to surround that post with the best possible content. Also, whenever a media outlet writes about me I make sure to return the favor by posting about them, and Twittering and Facebooking the article that they wrote; I can’t emphasize enough how valuable these kinds of relationships are. Look, Jordan. Let me go ask my 12 year old niece to get off Facebook and Twitter and Vimeo and Myspace and Youtube and tumblr and blogger and wordpress for 5 minutes and explain to you that you can market your blonde bobblehead all over tumblr, but people are not going to come back if your site is boring, irrelevant, and self-serving. Here, let me put it into context you can understand, oh queen of blog marketing: YOUARETURNINGINTOJULIAALLISON.SHILLSHACKLESHAM.COM Jordan Reid, who eats whatever she wants, apparently does not eat whatever she wants. In the comments section of “How I’m Doing” we see the above exchange. Contrast this with her response to a reader, made April 2nd: If my pants got tight, well, that sucked, because I had to buy a new pair…but that never made me feel bad about myself. So…which is it, plum pie? If it seems like I am targeting Jordan lately it is because of Crap like this. She is becoming more and more like Julia Allison everyday with her contradictory statements and suppression of negative comments.
Dear Places That Are Not Sarah Lacy's House, Sarah Lacy Still Hates You
David Karp Is Busy Improving Tumblr For You, The Users
Internets
Julia Allison Kinda Thought She’d Be Married By Now, But Oh Well
Julia Allison Hasn't Tweeted For Five Days, Internet Says "Julia Who?"
Meghan McCain Doesn't Understand Why You Don't Recognise Her
Jordan Reid Must Have The Best Manapubliciagent In The World
more “popular” posts that cause spikes in traffic? I’m sure other lifestyle bloggers will be interested to hear your strategy.
Jordan Reid Can Eat Whatever She Wants Except She Can't
