Emily Gould, so important she didn’t even make my google search bar auto-complete even though she has written well over a million words most of them run on sentences that end with a completely different thought than they started with, bananas raygun werewolf hat.

Apparently her google alerts are on “silent farts that sound like my name” because Embolism weirdly came on and responded to a comment that merely mentioned her book party or something. Of course this turned into a discussion of Embo and how annoying she is, because this information is new and fresh.

Eventually the original commenter clarified her statement prompting Embo to peace out with one of her trademark passive aggressive yet wonderfully dismissive remarks:

Ha, I REALLY should not have commented, duh — it’s definitely not a cute look but, dude, imagine how often I refrain! I forgot how much it irks people when they’re forced to realize that the stuff they post here has consequences in the real world, and that they’re talking about real people. @ fashiongirlxoxo (I feel silly not being able to address you by your real name!) thanks for writing this. I believe you when you say you didn’t mean any harm, but I just felt a little creeped out by the idea that someone would come to this event expressly for the purpose of being mean to me or someone else there. I don’t know why I worried about that, though — people only say this kind of Crap when they can do it at a remove, hiding behind a commenter pseudonym.

Since Embo can’t say anything in under 200 words, I’ll give you the Cliff Notes: you’re anonymous so you’re an asshole, I dare you to say that Crap to my face pendeja.

And the internet said “WHATEVER.”

Jordan Reidkow, recent burglary victim, has become much more guarded about telling people when she won’t be in the house, and what things might be laying around. For instance, today she posted about her long trip to L.A., accompanied by her husband:

So a little drama already this morning: we pull up to the airport in our taxi around 5AM, and Kendrick pauses thoughtfully before calmly announcing that he has decided to fly across the country with no photo identification. He has a temporary driver’s license (having lost his real one)…that should be fine, right?

Jordan is faithfully following the recommendations set forth in this post: she is not letting people know that her husband left his identification in their now empty-for-a-weekend apartment. We are glad to see she learned her lesson – it’s just not a good idea to tell people that you will be 3000 miles away for days at a time with only a dogsitter stopping by. Safety first!

Mary Rambin, commitmentphobe and possessor of beach hair, has finally sucked it up and signed a lease.

Done deal. I’m officially living in Houston for a year.

No word on what she will be doing in Houston for a year, but we hope she’ll be swanning about the country clubs looking for a rich oil baron husband. I really want a big Texas Mary wedding!

Sarah Lacy, tolerance activist and famous author of some stuff nobody read, has gone MIA from the internet.

According to her twitter she has not bothered to update us on her latest illness or bad travel experience since April 12. Her blog thing hasn’t had a post since April 7th.

Could it be true? Has she finally left our internets??? Or did Paul Carr finally snap and chain her in the boiler room of his hotel? It is a mystery.

UPDATE: Roughly two hours after we posted this, Sarah updated her twitter:

i haven’t opened twitter in like a month. was in rio. now snowed under with work 🙁 how is everyone? about 4 hours ago via web

Coincidence, I’m sure.

Meaghan O’Connell, “Director of Outreach” whatever the that means, joins Julia Allison as one of the women showing men that women are a force in the tech industry!

I just have one question. Who are these deluded girls who think the likes of Julia or Meaghan are somehow even IN tech? Ginger Midget up there is basically a glorified PR person/wannabe writer. Wooooooooboy really sockin to the misogynistic view that women can’t code or admin! Really revolutionizing the tech industry’s inequality to women programmers and sysadmins. Thank GOD for you, girl! Can tumblr please hire another woman already so this poundcake will get the over herself?

Whattheever.

David Karp, founder of blogging for turds, thinks he should procreate.

I still can’t get enough of this kid. I need to have some babies. Or a cool 4 year old friend.

I really hope he sprogs up ole stringbean – because if there is one thing Brooklyn needs, it’s more hipster babies!