So I was sitting around naked today cutting flowers, and I wondered “Gee what’s JaLo up to?” Turns out he was up to the same thing, apparently.

Oh and I guess he’s going to be making more videos. That sound you hear is Jacy clearing both her calendar and her desk.

Welcoooome back, man.

Jordan Reid Berkow Lastnameofhusband, might be excreting more than blog posts today. According to her twitter feed, Jorebe has an affection for a highly explosive food:

I like corn. 11:08 PM Apr 24th via web

According to wikianswers and every human being on the planet, corn can cause diarrhea due to it’s practically indigestible outer shole of cellulose. Combined with the laxative powers of garlic we are looking at a lot of “OPEN A WINDOW, JEEEEEZUS” going on in the Jorebe house!

Good thing she likes scented candles.

Robert Scoble, expert, declares PowerPoint to be archaic and boring. This thunderous proclamation from the taste maker of tech will no doubt change the way boring mandatory meetings about synergy and quarterly projections are conducted forever:

It’s interesting how many businesspeople use Powerpoint in planes. I have not seen a single presentation yet that I’d want to sit through. 13 minutes ago via web

@keithbooe most PowerPoint slides are dreadful. People don’t know how to tell stories and evoke emotion. Study Steve Jobs… 8 minutes ago via web in reply to keithbooe

@redsheep right, presentations should be about telling a story and evoking emotion. Even when pitching to financial people. PPT not required 3 minutes ago via web in reply to redsheep

I +always+ get applause when I start out saying I won’t use PowerPoint today. Audiences HATE PowerPoint. It’s amazing we still use it. less than 10 seconds ago via web

Do you hear that, corporate America? The Mouth Of Change has decreed your slidey maker thing program to be boring and ineffective. I know I know; you have never heard this before. Nobody but Bert has the balls to just come out and say the truth. But  now you know. Now, people who have to make presentations to stuffy board members, you should spend a week making a Flash presentation for them to ignore. Get with the times, people!

Maybe you didn’t know that Mary Rambin, fashion diva, is living in Houston. Mary has apparently been crashing at her mom’s for some time. (Yeah, livin at mom’s in the armpit of Texas, GLAMOUR!) She’s understandably ready to find her own digs but she has a small problem:

I think I found an apartment in Houston….but now I just need to get over my fear of commitment. 1 year in one place, yikes! 6:58 PM Apr 21st via TweetDeck

It’s not fear of commitment, Mary. It’s fear of spending the next year in the 4th Circle of Humidity that is Houston. I mean, look at what it’s doing to your hair!

Why don’t you try Austin? It’s pretty much the only town in Texas worth living in (sorry Mom, Wichita Falls sucks – please don’t send me hate email.) I think you’d have less fear of commitment if you weren’t trying to commit to something you don’t want.

Jordan Reid, dog purchaser, continues to tell people they should adopt rescue animals:

Now, neither Lucy nor Virgil is a rescue dog – Lucy was bought in a pet store in Malibu, and was more or less abandoned with my ex-boyfriend and me when her original owner decided that dog ownership wasn’t really her thing and took off for England, and Virgil was a Christmas gift from Kendrick, who decided to surprise me with the little guy I’d fallen in love with when we went to Ohio for Thanksgiving – but please, consider searching for your new love in a shelter. Even if you’re really set on a specific breed or size, just trust me and go: you’ll find who you’re looking for.

Why is she constantly apologizing for her hypocrisy? Just stop this repeated song and dance of “Well I didn’t get my dogs at a shelter and I just feel TURIBLE about it, but aren’t they cute, and I LOVE THEM so much! You, however, should go adopt a paralyzed puppy and pay who knows how much to repair it, because God knows the earth is running out of puppies!”

Just drop it already. If you feel so guilty about the provenance of your pets then just quietly volunteer at a shelter and stop trying to justify it. Nobody cares where your dogs came from! Also? This “I feel guilty but you can’t help who you fall in love with” routine? Yeah. That’s what cheating spouses say. So ya know.

Meaghan O’Connell, sad sack of fail and (apparently) donuts, totally did not care at all that David Karp made it to one whole year (that is like 13 years in tumblryrs) with his skinny girlfriend. In fact she’s totally not posting this Mary Karr quote after spending another night alone with her Rachel Voodoo Doll and an Entenmann’s box:

David is the only guy rash enough ever to get my name tattooed on his bicep- in a heart with a banner. Even before we’ve kissed on the lips, he does this. Watching those flesh-colored band-aids peel off a phalanx to show an arm scarred and bloodied, a thinking woman would’ve hied for the hills. My response is more pitiful. I think, Wow, he might really like me- a thought nobody past grade five gets to have about anything bigger than a hamster. I plant a big wet Texas mouth on his.
It’s a sad testament to my virtue that an inked-up arm is all it really takes to bed me…(cont’d)

Yes our little pound cake is not at all trying to SAY something. It’s just totally RANDOM that this was posted the morning  The One She Longs For shat out some stupid yearbook montage of two megaskinny people in love. It’s just a coincidence! NO BIG DEAL!