Sarah Lacy, benevolent culture lover, has returned home to her smelly Mission house and her adoring husband. He spent the first day of their longed-for reunion enjoying a rose scented bath for two, champagne, and wild monkey sex. Just kidding, he spent it in the only place a real man can find any peace:

flew 20 hrs so i could listen to @sadkids work in the garage. guess he didn’t miss me too much! about 18 hours ago from web

Poor sadkids. Imagine him spending the cold December day in the garage, tinkering with stuff, muttering to himself, drinking a Bud Light. Maybe he’s building a birdhouse, or a coffin for Sarah’s career.

Sean Percival, that guy up there with that website and the sexy Rita Hayworth tribute artist wife, is confused by social networking stuff:

Just went through the new facebook privacy settings, talk about PR doublespeak. Not sure what happened, can you guys me naked now or what? 5 minutes ago from web

Oh come on. Is there anyone left on the internet who HASN’T seen Sean naked?

The whole point of those privacy changes is to get facebook in step with the demands of the people they are selling your info to next year. Have a great day, hope you aren’t using an important email address.

It seems just a year ago, Emily Brill had a birthday, and now she has another one! What is she now, 27? Well anyway, Brilly knows what she wants for her present. A pony? A job? A Bacon Explosion Cake? No!

Dear Matt Stone and Trey Parker: As usual, I would like a Team America sequel for my birthday. 2:25 PM Dec 10th from web

We eagerly await some party pics or maybe some fun stories of Embones stumbling out of Amy Winehouse’s flat yelling about Malt-O-Meal or something.

Congrats! On behalf of the Internets we have a Pork of the Month gift certificate from Hamtastic Gifts.

This is the face of a man who will eat you! David Karp, winner of the 2009 Platform of the Year Award, has a rumble in his tummy and HIM NEEDS FOODS!

How did I order $76 worth of takeout sushi?

Do you know how many Hungry Man dinners you can get for $76 bucks?! Sushi, blech! You could be having four salisbury steaks, dude! With a chintzy brownie and some undercooked corn! Sheesh, man wins an award and he’s too good for tv dinners all of a sudden. You know, lack of high fructose corn syrup and preservatives causes premature aging and unhappy feelings. Netcraft confirms it.

Screenshot of gawker.com

Richard Blakeley is the face of luxury. As he puts it on his tumbly:

When you think luxury, think Richard Blakeley.

I think this is great. Blakeley truly embodies all that is class, a true gentleman. He’s a man’s man, a true role model to aspire to. Head over there and buy some Crap you can’t afford!

Image shamelessly stolen from RandomNightOut.com

So last night the “First Annual Obliterati Awards” party was held, and I did the only thing I could do to really share the experience with you – I watched the video. I couldn’t understand half of it, but I managed to get the following winners you probably don’t care about:

Platform of the Year, David Karp & Tumblr
Richard Blakeley, for something, I couldn’t understand the video
Launch of the Year, Foursquare

Some unexplained “2009 Obliterati Award of Excellence” things were also handed out to Mediaite, Foster Kamer, and Nick McGlynn for Random Night Out.

Some other people were thrown in that I don’t care about, NY Times writers and some Hard Candy Shole something or other.  Even GOMIBLOG was awarded a very merry unaward for nothing!

So that’s over and now we get to look forward to the next big huge awards show with a different name, different hosts, and same winners.

Update: They posted the winners. Here’s the ones I couldn’t understand.

Caroline McCarthy
CNET, The Social

Mike Hudack
blip.tv

Richard Blakeley
This Is Why You’re Fat, Gawker.TV, Webutante Ball, Neighborhoodr

Rachel Sklar and Glynnis MacNicol
Mediaite

Brooke Moreland and Joe Weisenthal
Fashism.com

Lilit Marcus
Jewcy, Save The Assistants

Foster Kamer
Weekend Gawker, BlackBook

Brian Stelter
New York Times, Media Decoder

Kevin Kearney, Dan Maccarone, Courtney Lewis
Hard Candy Shole

Dan Maccarone, Mason Reese, Mel DeLancey
Destination Bar

Special awards:

Launch Of The Year, 2009
Dennis Crowley, Naveen Selvadurai, Harry Heymann and Nathan Folkman
Foursquare

Team Of The Year, 2009
John Carney, Joe Weisenthal, Vince Veneziani, Erin Carlson and their colleagues
Business Insider/Clusterstock

Platform Of The Year, 2009
David Karp and his team
Tumblr

Social Media Activist Of The Year, 2009
Soraya Darabi
NY Times, drop.io, Goods 4 Good, charity:water

Yeah, I’m as excited as you are.

OMGBEARS McCarthy, writer person, is virtually unrecognizable! I know she went to a salon and got a blowout the other day. Maybe they taught her about how shampoo and blowdryers make your hair not look like you dipped your head in bacon grease. She appears to have figured out how to apply tasteful, appropriate makeup as well. I can’t say that the dress is my favorite thing in the world but I love the blue colour. If the entire dress had been that shade of blue she probably would’ve looked the most spectacular I’ve ever seen her. And she appears to be wearing properly supportive undergarments for once. It’s true – there’s no fashion without foundation!

Keep it up, Caro!