Internets


Attn England: We Will Take Back Gwyneth If You Keep Paul Carr

Paul Carr is packing his clear converse and jar of Dippity Do, and jumping on a plane to London today for his Super Awesome Birthday or something.

Performed a hard reset on my body clock. Was up by 7 – just in time to fly to London tomorrow. But first – two cols to write. about 18 hours ago from Tweetie

He’s got the venue and the diet Coke and he is ready to P A R T – Y? because he can! Happy sober 30th birthday Paultato Head! I look forward to video of Paultato doing the macarena and saying “” a lot.

Internets


Today, In Things Rachel Sklar Should Have Known Better

Rachel Sklar, of the Rachel Sklars, went shopping last night. Like most women over the age of 14 with regular bodies, she continues to regret going into American Apparel.

There is no greater womanly reckoning than trying on a spandex bodysuit at American Apparel. (I fled.) about 7 hours ago from UberTwitter

Why do girls do this? Come on.  You had not the slightest idea that Crap from AA is made for a certain kind of body? No one’s saying Rachel Sklar is fat, but come on girl. You’re what, 37 years old and built like an adult woman who eats once in a while. Shiny skin tight sad suits are not going to do anything for you. I hope you didn’t plan on trying on their metallic legging things. You’ll contemplate torching the store.

That said, they have some soft hoodies, but I can’t justify spending 50 bucks on one.


ADVERTISEMENT



Internets


Next On The Slam List Of thatgirlallison: Guidos!

thatgirlallison, of the Megan Fox Thumb For Every Finger allison, has just dropped her latest knuckleheaded stereotype lol:

I thought I could take “Jersey Shore.”

I couldn’t.  So I put Cloverfield back on.  No guidos, just young professionals drinking and screaming.

You hear that? NO GUIDOS. Of course we must remember that this is thatgirlallison. Two posts back she was calling Peter Feld her “hero”, flipping off the state of NY with her freakass club fingers, (No really, see a doctor about those. That was a sign of lung cancer in some House episode!!!), and saying that the Russian Tea Room was “probably extremely expensive”.

What I’m saying is, this girl is a flaming idiot, so it’s not like her opinion on any race, religion, or geographic region is exactly authoritative. Still, maybe she should keep her cute little descriptions of entire groups of people to herself.

Internets


Mary Rambin's Purchases A Glimpse Into Her Soul

Mary Rambin, big time eater, apparently loses all control upon entering Whole Foods.

This always happens when I come to pick up soup and salad at Whole Foods for lunch.

I feel her pain, since Trader Joe’s has the same effect on me. I’m actually just laughing because I’m sick, 12 years old, and Mary Rambin posted a pic of herself buying roughage and toilet paper.

You know how at the store, you check out what other people are buying, and then make judgments or assumptions about that person? Oh please, don’t act like you don’t. Well, for some reason, it’s like this picture kind of captures a moment that says a lot about her digestive life. Nothing but fiber and pooping!

Internets Julia Allison


Julia Allison Still Plagiarizing

Julia Allison continues to prove that she has never written anything original in her life.

A commenter has pointed out that her Lonelygirl15 “article” sounds remarkably like the Lonelygirl15 Wiki entry. Note the similarities between her statement:

“Posed somewhere in the heartland, Bree’s storylines began basic–the stuff of typical teen angst–but quickly morphed into a bizarre narrative of cult practices and the mysterious disappearance of her parents.”

And the original Wiki entry:

“At first, the videos covered normal, everyday subject matter, as the title character dealt with typical teenage angst, but quickly morphed into a bizarre narrative that portrayed her dealings with secret occult practices within her family and included the mysterious disappearance of her parents after she refused to attend a “secret” ceremony prescribed by the leaders of the family’s cult.”

This is basically a cut-paste-replace hack job. Julia Allison is a plagiarizing asshole who in her entire writing career has never penned an original thought. This is how many times she’s been caught basically copying someone else’s work and passing it off as her own? When is she going to be called to task for this Crap? Is she just going to continue to get away with this, over and over and over?

The really sad part is that even when stealing her content practically verbatim, she can’t manage to write well.  What a schiester. Hey WaPo, congrats on your new “syndicated columnist”, the world’s biggest faker. She’s sure to help your paper seal a reputation as trustworthy and ethical. What a crock of Crap.

PS: DONKEY

(cross-post from rbns)

Internets


PS India and SF: Sarah Lacy Thinks You Smell Like Crap

Sarah “I’m Woodward” Lacy, place hater, managed somehow to get into South America last week without being raped at the airport. Once there she settled in to write a nice piece about how much other places suck:

Chile is quite literally a breath of fresh air after three weeks in China and three weeks in India. The weather is absolutely breezy and beautiful, exotic birds are chirping, and it’s CLEAN. Amazingly clean. Both the air and the sidewalks. Not a whiff of urine or human feces in the air. Sorry to be graphic, but it’s a shockingly welcome olfactory omission not only having just been in India, but also owning a house in the Mission.

So…is she saying SF smells like piss and Crap? Because I’ve been there, and it smelled more like self-important bloggers and fog. I guess I went to the wrong part of town.

Cary Randolph Internets


The Internet Cares About Cary's Running

Cary Randolph continues to post her riveting experiences – not on one blog, but two. Between marathons, depantsing in bathrooms, and buying the stunning gravy boats on her feet above, I really don’t see how she has the time. And yet, she somehow manages to churn out post after amazing post:

Last week I received a couple emails inquiring after my recent dearth of running posts.

After my marathon in September I reduced my weekly mileage almost by half. I did so for two reasons: one, I picked up two jobs (one part time and one temp) and no longer have time or energy, and two, I was sick and tired of running.

So I cut back, like a boyfriend might* when his lady gets all up in his grill, and I only made dates (with the trail) twice or three times a week instead of four or five. My Asics looked up at me longingly from my closet floor. “Don’t you love us anymore? You’ve changed.”

“Damn it, sports bra, I need my space!”

I just couldn’t handle the commitment. We didn’t break up, but things got rocky.

And then on Monday night I felt lonely so I dialed the East River promenade and said, “Hey, look, I know I’ve been giving you the run-around (pun!), but I think I’m ready to talk.” So I double-knotted my kicks, threw some Jay-Z in the iPod, and hit the pavement to reclaim my sole-mate (pun!). Ten miles (and some Phil Collins) later, we rekindled the flame.

*The reason I am perennially single probably has a lot to do with the fact that I speak of my running regimen like an errant suitor.

Sure, Cary. That’s what it is…your obsession with running. Not the fact that your conversation makes your dates look for the snooze button for your mouth, it’s the running. Not all your talk of how you’re a writer, or how you LUUUUV the flea market, and like, uh, doing stuff like drinking a brojim’s…zzzzz sorry what? Oh right. Yeah, guys hate chicks who run, you nailed it.