Gary Vanwinepants gave us a sample of what he sounds like during sex yesterday as some football team did something:

HUGE GAME! Come Jets we need this one!8:02 AM Sep 20th from TweetDeck

I want to win so badabout 23 hours ago from TweetDeck

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge Game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!about 21 hours ago from TweetDeck

Yessssssssssssssabout 16 hours ago from TweetDeck

Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssabout 14 hours ago from TweetDeck

Thank uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu I live fooooooooooooooooootball!!!!!!!about 14 hours ago from TweetDeck

:):):):):):):):):):):)):):):):):):):)about 13 hours ago from TweetDeck

Yesssssssabout 9 hours ago from TweetDeck

Jesus. If my Bubby started sounding like this we would take her to the hospital.

Anthony De Rosa, person I can’t even be ed to google, apparently really WANTS to donate Crap to charity – but it’s just too far to carry stuff.

Does the Hoboken Shelter do pick ups for clothing donations? I have a ton of stuff to hand over I just can’t carry it all over.about 11 hours ago from Twitterrific

Now, I may be wrong, but I could swear there are these yellow cars that will pick you up – right at your location! – place parcels in the trunk, and drive you to a destination in exchange for money. I’m pretty sure they even let a friend of your choice join  you in the backseat for the trip so you can have someone to help you unload all your stuff.

I don’t know if those really exist, I may have seen it on the Jetsons.

Robert Scoble, a man without a shirt, somehow got someone to remain motionless long enough to spill some seed near a vagina. The result was a bunch of tweets (also a baby, but mostly tweets):

Real time Scoble baby news (I will post small stuff here, over next 24 hours as our new baby comes to keep from… http://ff.im/8oM32about 8 hours ago from FriendFeed

@rodneyjwoodruff Maryam is resting and believe me I am serving her every need.about 7 hours ago from SimplyTweet

@jacobm baby is coming tomorrow probably. He is having his own little party and in no rush to ship. 😉about 5 hours ago from web in reply to jacobm

@manielse oh, things are finally starting to happen on the baby front. I’ll spare you all the details, gotta run! 🙂about 2 hours ago from web in reply to manielse

Ahh, little Ryan doesn’t want to come out, he’s in breech position so the doctor is preparing us for C-section birth. Less than an hour!!about 1 hour ago from web

Gotta run, little Ryan is coming soon. Excitement!about 1 hour ago from web

Hurry up and wait: [pic] http://ff.im/8pt4s31 minutes ago from FriendFeed

Welcome Ryan! [pic] http://ff.im/8putx15 minutes ago from FriendFeed

Ryan cries http://ff.im/8puPj11 minutes ago from FriendFeed

Jesus Christ. Ya know, I hate babies in general, and I hate the spawn of oversharing tweetertons even more. Good lord. Ever since the internet was in invented (by my father, who also invented salsa) people act like they are the first people to have a wedding and the first people to give birth.

Oh. Right, so this dude’s woman had a baby. I assume her name is Maryam. Anyway, here’s what came out of her:

I’m sure this spectacular and unexpected end to a human pregnancy will appreciate this in 20 years. I’m sure he’ll feel awesome inside knowing the entire geedee world saw him take his first breath. Congrats to the supershary parents. I’m sure we all look forward to 950000 pics of him trying to walk or wtfever. Can’t wait!

Brian Van, thatgirlallison wannabe, has adopted the In-n-Out diet! Evidently it also has some libido enhancing properties as well:

[N]ow I’m staring at this double-double, unsure whether to eat it or make love to it.

Ignoring the fact that the hot tub picture of him makes me want to listen to Bloodflowers on repeat while I write in my diary about how to accept the results of cheerleader tryouts with oriental fatalism, Brian Van has a lot of sexy. Yeah baby. You like that? Mmmm suck down that dead animal. Fucking hawt.

thatgirlallison, person with seemingly no job and no purpose, wraps up another week of blogging pictures of her holding coffee and wearing glasses with the obvious: an in-n-out burger.

Nope, there’s no caption. She’s apparently in San Francisco on another one of those well earned vacations her crowd seems to take every month. So far her blog entries on the trip include pictures of stuff and then some pictures of stuff. Great Crap, Allison. Enjoy your burgers and pizza, icon of healthy eating.

Shira Lazar, self-proclaimed empress of some country called “media”, is APPALLED do you hear, APPALLED at the dropping standard of service in America’s current cripplingly depressing economic climate!

What hairdresser only takes cash or checks? Really???29 minutes ago from TwitterBerry

But I must say its amazing what a good outfit and blowdry can do to your confidence. Its the icing on the cake!7 minutes ago from TwitterBerry

First of all, Your Serene Stupid, get over yourself and hop into a Supercuts – they take everything clear down to Mexican prepaid phone cards for payment. Second, if you are going to pitch a pony-getting-neutered level tweet out there with the REALLY MAKING MY POINT question marks then you can at least tell us where this primitive salon is. You know, so we make sure to bring cash.

Jakob Lodwick, the Justin Timberlake of tumblr, has posted his season one finale! It’s basically a rap song about smoking pot and I guess walking around on rooftops in hipster clothes. So basically he wrote a song about my Tuesday afternoons.

Of course that’s not how he describes the project:

I do not consider these ‘great art’ by any means. They are nothing like the transcendent visions of my imagination.

For some reason I read that with a Jack Donaghy voice in my head.

JLod has threatened to not produce a season two, and that’s just a shame. I was starting to like him – and I hate everybody, so that’s quite an accomplishment.