After her long, pointless “book review” of some Real Housewives’ book (short version: “It told me everything I wanted to hear! Two thumbs up!”) in which the only interesting part is a badly veiled dig at GOMIBLOG, Twatiana is feeling SUPER grateful this week! Let’s see, what does a grown ass 24 year old married woman give thanks for?

Thank you to the lovely and romantic dinner we had on our patio this Monday night. It was perfectly warm, the radio serenaded us and for a few hours we felt like we were on vacation. Thank you to this opulent fire hydrant for making me smile. What if every fire hydrant from now on was painted gold?! Wouldn’t it be positively fabulous?! Thank you to all my new reading material! I can’t wait to see all the pretty images inside the magazines, get some good advice and get lost in some fantastic stories. And thank you to this weekend, the promise of sleep and general laziness has me practically salivating. It’s been a busy week and I can’t wait to dive into bed!

What? No thank you to her husband and parents for financing her life? No thank you to the Disney vault for providing her with viewing material appropriate to her mental age? Just a big thanks to the omg purty brass siamese fire hose connection? What the hole?

I really need to know why this chick is such an infant. I mean…I really think something is wrong with her. If this is really her, really how she is in her real life, something is very off. She must not have any friends in real life, because surely someone would have mentioned to her that she’s a freakadoodle by now. Fire hose connectors? Really dude?

Jordan Reid, shillblogger, attempted lifestyle happiness expert, is pregnant.

Today she posted this pic of her pregnant tummy and because I know the internet cares about my opinion, I want to say something. She looks happy. She has been really not annoying at all lately. And I am happy for her, because she looks so happy.

Sure I hate babies even though they seem to love me – I guess for the same reason cats go directly to the person in the room that hates cats. But Jordan isn’t being TOO obnoxious with her fetus blogging/tweeting, with only 5 mentions in the last 3 months unlike some women who act like they are the first women to ever give birth. And she looks healthy; she looks like she is eating (and I assume she stopped smoking as well).

I’m not going soft, folks. But let’s face it – in the grand annals of preggo/mommy bloggers Jordan isn’t being THAT irritating. Sure they are privileged and annoying in other ways, but at least she isn’t tweeting and blogging every kick, fart, and sonogram.

I wish her and Kenny a happy and healthy pregnancy with their baby son (I hope it’s a boy because I put 10 bucks on it with a friend and I could use the money.) And I hope she keeps up the minimal preggo/mommy blogging.

Our beloved Twatiana keeps earning those vacations! Today we have her posting about “easy peasy lemon squeezy” curtains. Because curtains are so complicated that the world has been waiting for an “easy peasy” how-to.

Then this evening Princess Imrussian had a most wonderful thing happen:

Daddy called! Yes the 24 year old still needs Daddy to call before he gets on a plane. Do you think he will bring his princess back a present? At least she is married, so there is someone around to share “Beauty and the Beast” before bedtime!

Sarah Lacy, who assured us she would not turn into a mommy blogger, keeps up her constant stream of fetus blather:

I’m always surprised at the look of horror on someone’s face when I say, “Look at me! I’m HUGE!” and the “Oh, no, no, no….you’re not…” back-pedal. I know women have conditioned men NEVER to tell us we look “huge” but at least for me, that’s not an insult for the next five months. I am reveling in it. I’ve never been more proud of how I look.

Considering her bragging about packing her hump into a size 4, I want to say this is one of those “say it until you believe it” posts but it’s really her combining her fetus bragging with book tour bragging.  For some reason people are paying this person to complain and she is so grateful because all this travel and whining about smells has really been good for her:

[A]s I’ve written before, the experience of reporting this new book, spending forty weeks in megacities, slums, villages and in more than one dicey situation has totally reshaped my relationship with fear. It’s made me a zen mother-to-be, because I’ve seen what most pregnant women around the world go through. News flash: We have it very easy. This tour’s catch-phrase should be: I’m pregnant, not disabled.

I don’t even understand the point she is trying to make, since this paragraph follows a long ramble about how her speaking book tour is booked solid all around the world. But hey, I don’t get what being pregnant has to do with her book tour or why every paragraph comes back to her talking about pregnant pregnant pregnant either. Then again this is Sarah Lacy we’re talking about. If she ever made a point or reached a conclusion in anything she ever wrote I’m sure Satan would dust off his ice skates.