2015 GOMI Awards – It’s Jenna’s Year!

What a glorious year it was for Jenna Cole. She posted pictures of herself in her bra. She made omgsomuchmoney. And her solo parenting finally ended. But surely her greatest moment is being crowned with a Lifetime Failchievement Award. She also mightily swept the Biggest WTF category with Vibratorgate.

Kelle Hampton of ETST won for Biggest Decline, Most Overexposed Children, and Most Insane Fangirling. I’m sure orange Poopasicle is planning a party right now.

Ghost Bev won Best Flounce, though Young House Love came in a close second. Cecily Kellogg won for Worst Photoshopping which surprises no one. Taralynn’s coffee shop fundraiser earned her an award as well.

Dooce blew up the Most Irrelevant category but she will surely continue blogging because that’s what #brave people do. Speaking of #brave, that beat to death word took home an award for Most Overused Phrase.

And finally, “Sarah Ate Two Tacos But I Only Ate One” was your favorite GOMIBLOG username. Hey, who doesn’t love tacos, right?

You can check out the voting page here, and thanks to everyone who participated! And a big congrats to the ‘winners’! Gold stars for all of you.

Jenna Cole Mommy Blogging

That Wife Will Become A Software Engineer

Jenna Cole, the ‘photographer’ who just three months ago was bragging about how successful she was, has announced she is going to pursue a different career – as a software engineer.

Jenna claims she and her husband ‘sat down as a married couple’ and ‘were able to tweak some things in a way that full-time employment outside the home feels like the right path to pursue’. She then basically blames her failure to get a real job until now on her peripatetic husband.

The biggest thing holding me back from this was that I didn’t want to start working full-time and then relocate to another state soon afterward. How can I be successful in my given career if I’m following my husband all over the planet while he does his thing?

Apparently her husband is now ‘happy where he’s at’, so Jenna feels confident she can ‘set ambitious career goals and work toward them’. First, she hopes to attend Hackbright – a ‘fellowship’ that promises to take women ‘from beginner to software engineer’ in 10 weeks – and says when she finishes the course she will ‘apply for full-time work in the Bay Area as a software engineer’.

As IT hiring managers along the west coast ready their ‘dis gon b gud‘ gifs, Jenna concluded by letting the industry know ‘There are dozens and dozens of Bay Area companies that I would be thrilled to work for.’

Jenna Cole Lifestyle Blogging

That Wife Will Care About You On The Weekends

Jenna Cole, America’s Favorite Parent, continues to make it clear exactly how much time she spends dealing with her kids. In response to a lunch invitation that included her children, Jenna responded:

I only do stuff with the kids on the weekends. Otherwise they are in care or napping.

Jenna may also have hinted that she has a new project in the works:

Oh please let this be “TAHBS, the JennaCast Podshow Thing”! I would happily pay for THAT show. She may be looking for new projects because, according to her, she’s not been feeling her most amazing self this year.

Depression and anxiety have become companions of mine, and it takes a lot of mental energy to keep them at a respectable distance so I can fulfill my responsibilities…I felt rejuvenated like this twice before in 2014, each time when I went to Utah for photography workshops…I think those are the things I need to focus on bringing into my life more often after the New Year in order to avoid the depressive bouts I’ve been dealing with.

She goes on to say her goals for 2015 include spending “less time in front of the computer”, more time chasing light – and even more ‘Jenna time’.

I do enjoy having the time to myself…but a recent therapy session filled with tears helped me discover that it is also about knowing my kids are with another adult who can give them undivided attention and meet their emotional needs…Thanks to my therapist I realized that I was feeling overwhelmed thinking that I am the only person in their life who can give them them what they need to holistically meet their physical and emotional needs.

The solution? Hire back the nanny! Because the heavenly lord of cocktails knows if there’s anything Jenna needs, it’s more people taking over her child rearing responsibilities.

Anyway, Happy New Year, hams! The 2015 GOMIBLOG Awards categories are going up soon, and I can’t wait to see who sweeps this year. Let the celebration begin!

Jenna Cole Mommy Blogging WTF

That Wife Will Never Let You Forget You Chose Santa

Click for video

Jenna Cole, everyone’s favorite parenthood storyteller, is once again spreading the magic of Christmas with her sympathetic approach to childhood dreams. Oh wait, no she’s not; she’s reminding everyone – mainly her small son – that Santa isn’t real, lest anyone but Jenna get credit for those gifts under the Businesslady Balsam she has erected in her honor.

I knew that this was my chance to let him in on the Grownup Secret…I emphasized how important it is that he keep this secret to himself and not tell any of the other kids. When I said that Santa isn’t real, and that it’s a game that parents play with their kids, he smiled really big and immediately embraced the idea that he was very mature and able to handle the information.

Just as she did in 2011 Jenna is making it clear that she will not be teaching her kids that some jelly belly’d house crasher from the Arctic Circle is responsible for their gift getting joy. Their gratitude will be firmly directed at Jenna, and Jenna only, or else she will procure a passive aggressive ceramic reminder of your betrayal.

And so, this year when I was selecting the ornament I would give to T1 for 2014, I chose Santa and a small boy, skating off into the sunset together. To represent this year as the one where my kid chose a mythical Santa Claus figure over the being who actually has the power to hear and deliver on his heart’s deepest desires.

Oh well, at least T1 first got a chance to tell all the kids at preschool that his Mommy says Santa isn’t real. I’m sure all the other parents appreciate that. Happy Holidays!

Internets Jenna Cole Mommy Blogging

That Wife’s Drunk Humor Is Something Else

I can’t tell if That Wife is trolling or if she really doesn’t remember that thing that just happened. Either way this tweet is one of the best examples of wearing blinders I’ve ever seen. And how often is she going to remind us that she omgdrinks now?

Jenna Cole Lifestyle Blogging

That Wife Has Closed Down Comments

It’s not you, it’s her.

Jenna Cole, profitable, has decided she’s had enough of your feedback – she has removed comments from her blog.

I don’t invite strangers into my home to comment on my choice of curtains or the cleanliness of my bathrooms, and I’m not sure it makes sense to do so with my writing either…We are strangers, and I would like to utilize other spaces to get to know each other, keeping That Wife as a space that showcases my views absent the influence of others.

Saying “I’m terrible at moderating. I struggle with defensiveness” she encourages readers to interact with her on twitter, claiming she would “would love to go back and forth with you in 140 characters on a given topic”. She concludes by telling her readers she guesses she’ll hear from them on twitter, but if not they can still read her amazing words, presumably while keeping their opinions to themselves.

Jenna Cole Mommy Blogging

The Internet Totally Believes That Wife’s Profit Margin

She should invest those profits in gold futures.

Jenna Cole, work at home mom, has put up yet another post talking about working from home. Saying she spends her days doing “things” on some mysterious “list”, she then goes on to brag about the super profitable profits she made in profitable moneys this year.

Working for myself, writing, setting my hours and schedule, incredible flexibility, developing and achieving my goals, and most of all, taking pictures are all things that I’d like to keep doing indefinitely. We’ll see if I’m able to scale my profits up from where they currently sit ($24,000 for this year) in order to justify me doing this long-term.

She attempted to clarify in a comment that “the 24k is gross not net. I’ll have to figure out how to double that somehow if I want to match a decent wage for living in the Bay Area.”

Apparently in Jennaland $48k take home is a “decent wage” for a film purchasing, $11 dollar a gallon milk drinking, two kids in daycare, cocktail guzzling mom in the Bar Area – though I suppose it could be when your husband is paying all the actual bills. Oh the life of the married upper middle class blogger!