The 2014 GOMI Awards Are In

Another year of fail has ended. As we look forward towards a new year of new fails, let us congratulate those who sufficiently ruined enough of the internets to make you vote on them.

Dooce won Most Likely to Call it Quits in 2014 which may turn out to be either the most amazingly accurate prediction ever, or a lot of wishful thinking. Since she also won Biggest Decline maybe it’s more accurate than any of us know.

Hey Natalie Jean also takes home a Hammy for dual category wins – Best Non-Apology/Backpedal for Menorahgate, and Biggest WTF Moment when readers found a post of hers describing her husband strangling a dog.

Most Ridiculous Product Endorsement prize goes to Delightfully Tacky for her sponsored post about tampons…in which she announced her favorite use for the sponsored product was “wearing them during yoga/pilates classes to keep from queefing”.

Blogger Kid Most Likely to Write a Tell All was neck and neck between Dooce’s eldest daughter and That Wife’s eldest son. In the end Dooce’s daughter won the day, and I have to agree she probably is the most likely to go Christina Crawford in a few years.

Unsurprising wins included Kelle Hampton‘s Hammy for Most Insane Fangirls, and Katie Vyktoriah for Best Manufactured Drama. Katie also beat out Hugo Schwyzer for Best Flounce.

And finally, The Lifetime GOMIBLOG Failchievement Award. Between complaining about raising the children she supposedly wanted, telling libraries that poor people don’t matter, shoving her son into a bathroom instead of letting him have the second bedroom, and then finally apparently shipping him off so she could spend time with her husband and the daughter she actually wanted, Jenna of That Wife came in a solid first place for this year’s ultimate shame prize.

Thanks to everyone who voted. It’s been fun thinking back over last year’s wtfery. I can’t wait to see what bloggers bring to 2014.

Fashion Blogging Hey Natalie Jean Mommy Blogging

Hey Natalie Mean Still Opening Her Mouth

After some drama including an apparent breakup and later re-engagement, Hey Natalie Jean’s little sister is finally walking down the aisle. Natalie has expressed some barely concealed hostility towards her sister’s man in the past. Regardless, she and her Motherboy are obviously attending the wedding and she’s obviously going to be instagramming away the boredom of not being the center of attention.

Eyerollingly the family drama has already publicly reared itself in Natalie’s first image – Motherboy on a pile of luggage. When one of her fangirls mentioned that Natalie was on her way to a wedding, sweet kind perpetual foot snacker Nat responded with a snarky reference to the couple’s recent troubles, saying “I’ll believe it when I see it”.

Evidently Bratalie’s future brother-in-law has had just about enough and in true Lovin Family fashion brought that ish onto the internet:

Oh to be a caffeine free beverage on that reception table. Keep it classy, Nat & Co.!

Hey Natalie Jean Mommy Blogging

Natalie Jean Is “Honored” To “Look So Jewish”

As bloggers spent yesterday abusing instagram with overly staged and filtered images of their pinterest inspired dinners, Hey Natalie Jean The Fat Rat gave thanks for finally fulfilling “a lifelong dream” – letting a Jewish person think she’s Jewish:

so, i fulfilled a lifelong dream tonight! by columbus circle on jewish holidays there are always a group of hassidic men asking me if i’m jewish. i ALWAYS get asked (i suppose because i look jewish), and i always say no (i wish!), but i’ve always wanted to know what would happen if i said yes! so tonight when the nice hassidic man asked me if i was jewish, i said yes! well, no. actually brandon said “i’m not, but she is!” which was sweet. making a wife’s dream come true!

Saying that “being jewish would kick ass” she then expressed happiness that the portable Chanukah kit the Hasidic gentleman handed her “goes real nicely with the (electric) (blue) menorah we already have”. She then wished those of the “gorgeous faith” a “happy chanukah” and ended by saying she is “honored to look so jewish all the time”.

Hey Natalie Jean Mommy Blogging

Mr. “Hey Natalie Jean” Did Not Let An Animal Suffer

Hey Natalie Jean, the advertiser friendly rebrand of Nat the Fat Rat, continues to attract new readers with her new persona. Unfortunately new readers tend to read your archives, and evidently an old entry has come to light on Nattypoo’s site that has completely freaked out new fans.

It seems a few years ago her father-in-law sent the happy couple an odd little schnauzer statue. They took this little dog statue on an adventure which they photographed, and lols were had by all. Oh wait, except right in the middle of this cute little anecdote, Ratalie casually recalls a story about a real live dog:

The Holbrooks have this thing with Schnauzers, it’s like their thing. There was once one named Schnapps, there was one named Spritzer. The one named Spritzer came into the family on The Holbs’s eleventh birthday and then I accidently inherited him when we got married and then one day Spritzer jumped off our third story balcony and then The Holbs strangled him to death out of mercy.

Yep. In 2009 awesome positive life lover Ratalie was flippantly sharing tales of her husband strangling a dog to death. And not in a horrified, this-memory-haunts-me way. In an ‘anyway the dog was hurt so the father of my child crushed the windpipe of a helpless animal, teehee here are pics of where I peed on a road trip’ kind of way.

I’m confused as to why this post is still up on her site. You’d think something like this would have been edited out during her rebranding. Or before. Or maybe just never posted at all. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be over here throwing up until forever.

Hey Natalie Jean Lifestyle Blogging

First Week Of “Hey Natalie Jean” Is Sponsored By Everyone

Natalie Jean, ‘professional’ ‘writer’, has managed to confuse and annoy her readers within the first week of her blog rebrand. Kicking off her new brand with two sponsored posts in a row, Natalie was forced to field some disappointment from fans. In response, she took to twitter and did some damage control:

Readers gave Natalie a break, assuming it was simply awkward timing. That is until yesterday, when yet another sponsored post appeared. Today, when a fourth sponsored post rounded out the first week of the new brand – the second in a row, despite her previous statement that it would not happen again – it seems some readers began to have just about enough:

Natalie promptly began deleting comments asking why her disclosure did not meet the FTC’s recommended guidelines, and then ran to twitter once again in an attempt to end further discussion about the matter:

Needless to say many of Natalie’s fans are less than thrilled with the new direction her blog is taking. Perhaps if she rebranded it Hey, Natalie Will Shill Anything at least folks would know what they were in for and she wouldn’t have to apologize on twitter so often.

Fashion Blogging Hey Natalie Jean Mommy Blogging

Nat The Fat Rat Rebrands Blog For Some Reason

Nat the Fat Rat, “happiness curator”, is no more. Claiming “it was really the time to put that ugly nickname to rest”, Natalie has rebranded her triangle parade to Hey Natalie Jean – complete with updated “About” page written in the third person.

It feels like it’s been a year of blog rebranding. A few months ago the personal blog Rockstar Diaries morphed into the lifestyle brand Love Taza. Last November Sweetney decided to rebrand as xoTrace. Heir to Blair rebranded as Okay, BA. I’m hearing rumors that Cuppy is contemplating a rebrand sometime in the next year as well.

In Tracey’s case I can understand – she doesn’t really want to have her online identity associated with her ex-spouses name for the rest of her life. But as a rule rebranding seems to be about becoming a professional blogger or attracting advertising. Blogs rebrand to something more “pr friendly” and suddenly turn into packaged products rather than online diaries – all in the name of taking it to the ‘next level’.

I get wanting a change after years of blogging, but it still feels like the core of the original blog dies when people rebrand their online lives into something more palatable to a wider audience. Regardless of whether their longtime readers like it, I’m sure this will continue as more and more bloggers sign up with agencies and ad networks and try to make it to the big time.

As for Natalie Jean, enough with the triangles. If you’re going to rebrand, at least do it all the way.