seanpercival My new office http://flic.kr/p/73ZrhH2 minutes ago from Flickr

Random, unorganized computers, with an empty chair lording over it all. It’s how I imagine twitter looks in my brain. Moments after this photo was taken, Mr. Percival broke into the Macarena, then proclaimed the Macarena “not gay at all”.

Mary Rambin, living study guide for the human skeletal system, proves that only thing sexier than not having an ass is BRAGGING about not having an ass:

Check it out. These Rock & Republic “Petite” skinny jeans (I scored at Robert Verdi’s suite) actually fit my barely-there butt. This rarely happens. I’m impressed.

No Mary. We’re impressed.

thatallisonperson, underweight blogger and professional sycophant, proudly announces that guestofaguest finally acknowledged her existence:

Look, mom. I’m on Guest of a Guest.  Aren’t you proud?  (I’m just kidding.)

At last her nonstop cultivation of sucking up to gawker employees and men with cameras is paying off! You know, she can really take this and go anywhere with it. What next? Her picture in gawker? Mediabistro? She’s already set famegame on fire. Yes we can expect great things from the future famous Allison! I know, I’m just jealous because I want to be on guestofaguest and gawker too. Oh well!

Michael Arrington, harbinger of disaster, is in Hawaii, where a tsunami threatens to dampen his fun*:

go away, Tsunami. You’re not wanted here. http://www.prh.noaa.gov/ptw…13 minutes ago from web

worst part about this tsunami threat is dealing with the parents, who are convinced I’m going to die today. sigh. Bartender!12 minutes ago from web

It’s the all caps that makes it scary: IF TSUNAMI WAVES IMPACT HAWAII THE ESTIMATED EARLIEST ARRIVAL OF THE FIRST TSUNAMI WAVE IS 0111 PM9 minutes ago from web

Of course in a shocking development, impending wetness brought out something in Arri that mankind has never witnessed:

sources close to the situation tell us Arrington is heading for high ground.8 minutes ago from web

Mark well this day.

*Yeah I know.

Have you always dreamed of having a fulfilling career helping others? Got a deep desire to make a difference in the world through understanding, peace, and tolerance? Then please ignore Nick Denton.

Know Gawker titles and style? (That doesn’t mean reflexive snark, btw.) Need a copywriter. $40/hour. Ping me here or on email.about 2 hours ago from Tweetie

That’s right you too can now go work for the first name in stuff on the intarwebs for things and words.  Send Neeko a quick note on twitter at @nicknotned full of fawning adoration and perfect punctuation and you could be well on your way to becoming the next James Del!

Paul Carr, techcrunch’s fail-proof plan to alienate readers so they can fold already, never really stops bortching about other people who talk Crap about people:

Some random c**t just sent an email to me slandering one of my friends. I forwarded it to my friend. Electronic smear campaigns are a cancerabout 12 hours ago from web

I can’t imagine why Paul Carr isn’t settled down in the lake country with a nice sonsy heiress and two lovely sandy haired paulkins. Because, as a rule, women love the word ‘c**t’.

Mary Rambin, professional enema user and solid food rejecter, is back to help you get that shiny colon you deserve! Mary lays out the basics of preparing to not eat food. The highlights?

“I suggest trying to avoid long interactions, important meetings, deadlines, anything that might make you anxious. Don’t plan lunches and dinners if possible.  The food will be tempting and you won’t focus on your company. ..It’s ok to stay busy, but I suggest keeping to yourself”

“A colonic is necessary in my opinion.  Because you aren’t getting the fiber from the veggies to move things along, you’ll need to schedule one on day 3, 4, or 5.  Some experts suggest getting 2 to fully cleanse the walls of your intestines.”

“Finally, you should know at some point, you will be hungry and/or just mentally psych yourself into wanting to eat just to eat.  How do you plan on overcoming that obstacle and maintaining your course?”

My my that sounds so fun and satisfying! Sign me the up for glorified anorexia.