I had to find something in my old Movable Type blog archive & this sad fact occurred to me: tumblr has dumbed down my writing substantially.
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I wonder if anyone else feels like this. I feel like tumblr is best for photos with captions … not for real writing.

Do you hear that, Karp? Yeah, you, the one who was the first to cave into Donkey’s foot-stomping two years ago by knocking down any blog critical of her, only to resurrect them when you were deservedly and roundly shamed (something that caused poor Donkey to burst into tears at Fashion Week after she’d triumphantly crowed to Gawker about the demise of the blogs, although she did manage to Tweet through the tears “So. Blessed.” BECAUSE SHE IS MOTHERFUCKING CRAZY).

Anyway, yes, you, take a break for a moment from reading your own copy of Peter Baugher’s laughable “behave yourself, my little princess has hurt feelings!” letter and take some responsibility! Your crap blogging platform ruined Julia Allison’s writing! Not her years of sleeplessness Googling herself and trying to terrify her critics with nutbar middle-of-the-night e-mails which she apparently stupidly left her mitts all over (lawyers are inevitable, Julesie!), not her single-minded obsession to land a rich husband, not her career-killing, tiara-stealing antics, not her obsession with Tweeting her every dumbass thought and then freaking out when the followers she so actively courted tell her she’s a total crazy moron, no, none of that! It’s tumblr! Tumblr is to blame!

David Karp, you should be ashamed of yourself! Clearly you are not giving into Daddy’s demands quickly enough and listen, crazy-eyes, Julia Allison will not be ignored!

Oh Donkey. Your beloved Mark Kirk is voting to repeal the very laws that would make it illegal for health insurers to deny coverage based on pre-existing conditions, like Ceiling Cat gluten-allergy-itis or whatever you claim to have. What a great man! Such character!

Next time you vote, you dumb tool, instead of casting your ballot according to what will make you most attractive to the latest dick you’re trying to land, do some research.

Seriously, how stoooooppppid is this chick? Does she float around in her demented pink ego bubble, spending her waking hours Googling herself and plotting to bring down the people who ridicule her for being ridiculous instead of actually following current events? And why is it the only current events she DOES follow seem always to be linked somehow to the latest cock she\’s trying to impress?

I disclosed absolutely everything – celiac (gluten allergy), cat allergies, bulimia in college. I didn’t really think that was too bad, given that I’ve never had any other issues (in other words, they’d be making money off of me!) Oxford certainly did last year – $535 a month and I went to the doctor, like, twice for routine check-ups.

But, no. Rejected.

ARGHHH.

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What the WHAT??

Just got the explanation letter in the mail regarding my denied health insurance.

How is celiac a reason for not giving someone coverage!?!? There isn’t even anything you can do about it except NOT EAT WHEAT.

!!!!!!!??????!!!

Wow! You don\’t say! Health insurers deny coverage because of pre-existing conditions?? Does anyone know about this? Shouldn\’t the media be doing stories on it?? Shouldn\’t the president be trying to do something about it?? Goddang it, this is AFFECTING JULIA ALLISON!! Why isn\’t something being done??

Or on the internet. Jon Stewart: “It’d be nice if the ramblings of crazy people didn’t resemble how we actually talk to each other on TV.”

Hey, you know what would be nice, Julia? If the harassment of innocent people didn’t closely resemble the MO of a tiara-stealing, tantrum-throwing Donkey who cannot handle it when she pukes her life out online and people rightfully ridicule it.

Don’t hate, haters! She’s turning over a new leaf! Yes, she’s muzzled her critics, but she’s also enabled comments, even though the only ones she’ll post are from people telling her how beautiful and awesome she is, like a Miss Alissa Brayer: “You are SOOOOOO beautiful! If I looked like you I would live in a house made of mirrors!” (The comment and Julia’s grateful reply were deleted shortly after GOMIBLOG commenters noticed it. Cease and desist letter on its way, Alissa Brayer! Fake comments on the Internet are ILLEGAL!)

(CORRECTION: That Alissa Brayer comment was left on her Facebook page, and it’s still up. LAWYERS ARE INEVITABLE, ALISSA BRAYER!)

She’s near her expiration date, people, and so she has a right to scrub her 20s so that she can get a McCain to the altar in her 30s. Give her a break!!!

Julia Allison has long been known as a scintillating wit. To whit:

Word up, McCains! This bortch is RENOWNED for choosing really bad boyfriends, and then cracking wise about it! HILARE-BALLZ!

Little wonder, then, that Julie Albertson is perhaps pondering a career change:

I’d love to take improv classes here in Chicago – anyone have any recommendations on where I should go?

Yeah, I know, it must be a real bortch trying to find improv classes in Chicago. It’s such a comedy wasteland there. I am in New York. Does anyone know where I can see some decent plays? Or get a good slice of pizza? Are there sports teams here? What’s that pretty building that looks sort of Art Deco-y?

But truth be told, I have always thought the Donkey missed her calling. I know a lot of actresses, and many of them share Donkey traits: rampant narcissism, a need to be looked at, loved and adored, loud and obnoxious personal demeanor, very large melonheads and huge mouths (think Julia Roberts, people). Yes, she is god-awful on camera, but the ego is there. Maybe with some classes, her on-camera presence could improve, and she could end up playing the dumpy, crazy older sister of some hot young soap star. Or, you know, the crazy, delusional stalker of the young son of a famous and wealthy political family.