Cary Randolph Internets


Cary Randolph Once Lived In New York Too

You may remember Cary Randolph. She was that 6 foot tall blonde who came to NY to skateboard and go to Brooklyn Flea – and intern for NonSociety or something.

Well, now Mandolph lives in Rhode Island – or maybe Missouri I don’t know or care anymore – writing blog entries like this:

On archetypes.

Frigid princesses with hair as cold and smooth as a vodka gimlet and eyes that could chip diamonds. No warm smiles here but total composure: a straight back, an arched brow, and a smile reserved for special occasions. We all have our standards of perfection, and I, who came of age at the height of minimalism and spent her teenage years memorizing Great Expectations, have long fought a Sisyphean battle against my natural lack of restraint.

If Jessica Schroeder Quirk is making any plans to pen some best selling novel based on being a Midwestern girl who moved to NYC, then left again, I wish her luck. But the truth is that story has already been lived and told via a thousand tumblrs. Stop thinking you’re so special, dumbass.


Internets


Brooklyn Rejoices As Messica Finally Departs

Female overweight beer enjoyers of Park Slope may now organise a party on the stoop of the former residence of the Quirks. Originally scheduled to leave tomorrow, Jessica Schroeder and her be-bearded doormat Adam Quirk wound up leaving today:

So I guess we’re going to leave today instead of tomorrow! Movers coming in 2 hours! about 4 hours ago via web

…And we’re on the road!! buh bye Brooklyn! about 1 hour ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

Messica continued to delude herself that she’s not really moving to Bloomington Indiana and getting pregnant and being marginalized by her NYC friends :

Just a few minutes ago, Adam and I packed up the last box.  It’s been 10 days since we decided to officially make the move (6 of those were spent in Iceland) and it’s been nothing short of stressful getting everything sorted out.  But we’re excited.

Tomorrow we’re packing up the U-Haul and heading west! One last brunch with friends and we’ll check in when we’re settled in Bloomington.

I don’t want to ‘say goodbye’ to New York… we’ll be coming back for business and visits often, but this is a little bittersweet. It’s been a great five and a half years.

Ok, couple things; if you only decided to move 10 days ago why have you been house hunting for 6 months? And yeah, sugarcakes, you’ll be back. Sure ya will. Hold on to that hope with a death grip, and maybe when your kids are in kindergarten you can come back for a “girls weekend”.

In other news, I may go buy a 40 and a candy bar for breakfast to celebrate.



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Internets Jessica Quirk


Jessica Schroeder Quirk Cannot Wait To Get Out Of New York City

Jessica Quirk, who has proudly proclaimed on her tumblr that she lives in “Brooklyn NY” and runs a blog as her full time job, cannot wait to gtfo out of the city I love more than Velveeta:

Call me crazy, but I cannot wait to go to a Midwestern @target next week. 2:28 PM Oct 8th via web

@katierosman yes! the things that sell out in NYC are always still available at my hometown @Target 2:34 PM Oct 8th via web in reply to katierosman

SO excited to finally talk about house hunting publicly. We’ve been looking for about 6 months online! Can’t wait to actually see them! 4:22 PM Oct 8th via web

Look I love Target as much as anyone. I even braved the labyrinth of Atlantic terminal to get some cheap linens once. But never once have I thought “My word I just CANNOT WAIT to hit a Target! I would leave NYC just to visit a Target!” I mean…really? Target? There are Targets in NYC, Messica. They are out of stuff? Really? What stuff can you get at Target that you cannot order online or buy at a fkn CVS?

Anyway. The house obsession has effectively replaced her wedding obessesion. She continues on her tumblr:

I might not have a shoe collection like this, but I WILL have an office/walk in closet all to myself once we buy a house!!

They are buying a house guys! Did you hear? Messica had a wedding and now is buying a house. She is so retro you don’t even know! Who gets married and buys a house nowdays? Her life is just so perfect. No wonder we are all so jealous!


Fashion Blogging Internets Jessica Quirk


Jessica Schroeder Quirk Leaving The Hated Park Slope

Happy Friday catlosers! How about another Messica post to ring in your lunch hour?

The news we have been predicting since her wedding finally got announced yesterday. Jessica Schroeder Quirk, she’s huge in Brooklyn, is moving to Bloomington Indiana after successfully concluding her years long husband search:

After five and a half awesome years in New York City, my husband and I are packing up our two bedroom apartment and moving to Bloomington, Indiana!  Adam has accepted an amazing position at Sproutbox and I’ll continue to work on What I Wore and the book.  Like any romance, I’ve had my ups and downs with NYC, and I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t miss it. However, we can’t wait to be closer to our families, to buy our first house, get some fresh air (and believe me I can’t wait for real thrift store prices, antique shops, tail gating, IU basketball, and on and on and on).

I’ll be back in NYC each month for meetings and seeing old friends and in the spring we’ll be back to rent a small studio as our pied a terre. Gone for now, but not gone forever!

And the really crazy part – we’re leaving in four days… Wish me luck!

Since her OMG ENGAGEMENT she has seemingly put less and less work into her style blogging “career”, and many of us have formed the opinion that she pretty much always planned to get that book deal, get married, and move back to Indy and have babies.

She had a decent enough peak of fame for a couple of years, but Messica has previously expressed her distaste for city life and her inability to deal with not nice people. Is anyone surprised New York’s not for her?


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Sounds Like Sarah Lacy Might Still Have A Job

Sarah Lacy, child hater, has been cranking out the content since AOL announced its acquisition of her employer. Maybe it paid off:

POTENTIALLY VERY GOOD NEWS. (just had to tell someone)about 14 hours ago via web

As long as it doesn’t involve her moving to New York. No need to exchange lovepuppy for another classist bortch.


Internets Jessica Quirk


Trouble Brewing At Quirk Ranch?

Jessica Schroeder Quirk, married, just got back from her free honeymoon in Iceland. It seems the magic of marriage is already dimming for our dramatic lovepuppy:

Listening to sad music and writing pity posts on a private blog.about 1 hour ago via web

Get it together, Quirk!about 1 hour ago via web

Ironing is my therapy. Pressing out the wrinkles in my mind.2 minutes ago via web

If this goes south it could be very bad, considering her omghusband is also her business partner.


Internets


Dear Jessica Schroeder – My Aunt Sharon In Boca Called And She Would Like Her Mahjong Dress Back

Jessica Schroeder Quirk, in Iceland, put this on and went out in public. And took pics of it. And runs (as her full time job!) a “style” blog.

Seriously, I don’t like to comment on people’s personal style choices. I have a mirror and I am well aware I have no place saying anything about what anyone wears.

But, this.