Presented without comment:

Reader Question / Ugly Wall Cover-Up

Q. Hey Jordan,

I’m an avid reader of your blog, and wanted to ask for your creative input on an unfortunate home decor situation. My apartment has a large textured, stuccoed wall that I can’t stand. It feels very Miami. Not in a good way. Because we rent, I can’t do anything that will permanently alter or damage the wall. I also don’t want to spend a fortune — no more than $50 – $75. Do you have any ideas as to how to improve? I will send you a photo of the wall for reference.

Thanks so much!

Mary

The final answer? WALLPAPER. What else?

Jordan and some friend of hers apparently had some sort of doggie play date yesterday, because that’s what she does on things like Saturdays I guess. After talking about how the dogs were little dicks who got filthy in the mud (but SO ADORABLE SUNSHINE SMILES) she posted about her complex and time intensive contribution to the picnic: sandwiches.

BRIE & APPLE SANDWICH

1. Layer Brie (shoot for the best quality you can afford and load it on) and thinly sliced green apple on a baguette. You can also add a few slices of turkey, if you like.

2. Drizzle with a little honey or honey musturd and toast in a sandwich press (optional).

Yes folks, the recipe for brie and apple sandwiches is brie and apples on bread. Seriously….Jordan’s a little…slow, right? She doesn’t post this stuff thinking people need instructions like this, right? I’m actually asking, because there’s starting to be no other explanation.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX7NrlS2VT4&feature=player_embedded]

Uuuuugh she’s back!

Mary Rambin, expert on man-woman interactions, has some more based on facts factoids about women:

Remember the hot guy I posted a pic of the other night?  (Grace, I know you do) Well, turns out he’s sweet and can keep up with my sass.

Most women become speechless in the presence of a good-looking man (oh let’s be serious, Michael is gorgeous, just don’t tell him that).  Well, the other night, such was not the case for me. I took the unconventional route and fired his ass. My mouth gets the best of me often, so I’ve mastered the art of flipping my faux pas into bubbly banter.

Yes, SO BUBBLY! Honey stop trying to bed this guy, he’s obviously playing for the other team. Then again you looka lika man so maybe it could work.

Anyway, once again let us tell you to stop saying Crap like “most women”. Mary you know what? 3 women? And they are most likely neurotic and insecure rich girls like you. Of course their response to hot guy is to go throw up their lunch and prattle on about themselves. That doesn’t mean MOST GIRLS can’t a) put down the camera for one minute, and b) maybe just drink your wine, chat about current events, exchange contact info and smile. All without some blog post about how witty we are when we faux pas.

Jordan Reid, who is not a shill just a person with a personal blog who gets free Crap for mentioning it on her site, is making it clear she is not shilling:

I spent Thursday shooting a segment on cleaning tips, one of which involved a product that I’m serious, you must must must try.

Libman’s Freedom Spray Mop (and no, the company isn’t paying me/sponsoring me/otherwise showering me with affection to say this) is AWESOME. You know, as mops go.

Why am I so excited about a mop, other than that I tend to get excited about things like mops? Because this one has a spritzer-thingy on the front that you can fill with anything from water to Pine Sol to fancy scented floor cleaner (you don’t need to use any specific manufacturer’s refill), and you just spritz as you go. No need for buckets! (I hate buckets. So does Virgil. They scare him.) The pad on the bottom is also machine-washable, so you don’t have to buy new ones constantly (making the mop both cheaper in the long haul and better for the environment).

Anyway, it’s highly recommended if you’re in the market for a mop these days. I’m not…at least not anymore, because I am the proud new owner of the one we used in yesterday’s segment. Whee!

Madewell Artisan t-shirt, very old Urban Outfitters belt, brand-new and much-adored Hudson jeans, Anzie bead bracelet.

Just so we’re clear: She praises a product she got for free after shooting another Better TV advertorial. Yep, that’s the opposite of shilling.

Jordan Reid, “founder” of a blog but not a BLOGGER just a tv host and writer who has a blog, is often excused for everything under the sun just because she is nothing like that other founder who is OMG FUCKING EVIL FOREVER.

Well one thing we can’t fault Jordan on is her stellar care of her dogs. For example:

Oh, dear.

I mean…oh, dear. Poor guy. Poor, naked, little guy. And the sad little remaining poof on his tail. I just…can’t. (As a reminder, this is his usual look.)

Lucy and Virgil have an unfortunate habit of munching on each others’ ears and legs, and apparently (I learned this from the dog groomer) saliva acts as a sort of glue, making snarls much, much worse and much, much harder to get out. We’re pretty good about brushing him, but as he got fluffier and fluffier our dinky plastic brush stopped being up to the task (I’m picking up a hardier one today)…and…well…

He got shaved.

Like I said: Oh, dear.

I did some (zero) research and animals munching on each other to the point of hair matting is totally normal and not any kind of behavioral clue to a possible problem. It’s also perfectly fine to continue using your ineffective plastic Little Tykes Vanity Set brush despite accomplishing nothing, well to the point of having to shave your animals as autumn approaches.

I stand down, folks. You are all proven right. She is truly the antithesis of The Evil One.

Jordan Reid, “founder” of the “successful” blog ramshackleglam, has learned a lot from Julia Allison; how to shill basically anything that gets offered, how to go on tv and talk about random stuff for exposure, and how to rewrite your life fails in interviews.

Now it seems she is taking the well-tested beauty routine of the Miss Julia and getting her curling iron and fake lashes on yo!

Yoy, were those ever some seriously loose, sexy waves. I create a (less fresh-from-the-salon-perfect, of course, but still very nice, I think) at-home version of this look by using a 1 1/2” barrel curling iron and rolling up sections of hair from about 2” above the ends to about 2” from the scalp – in other words, curling only the middle section – and then shaking the curls apart and spraying generously with Aussie. After the curls fall a bit, they look more or less like they do in my “About Me” picture, over there on the right…

Look! Yesterday’s fake eyelashes survived the night – miracle, and the product of extreme determination on my part – and will now be making an appearance on RTL this morning.

If we have learned anything from history, it’s that once you start using the curling iron and fake lashes your internet fame has about another year.

Mary Rambin, expert drinker, has a sweeping statement to make about women – so listen up, men!

Female drinking 101: cocktails, wine, sangria.  Yes, it’s more expensive, but when we’re happy, so are you guys 🙂

Blakely: leftovers…

My guess is that this picture was taken after a Gawker party teeming with girls (don’t ask me how those guys pull them in) that took down the handles of Absolut within a couple of hours and then moved on to another fully-stocked roof deck.

It still never ceases to amaze me that boys really expect women to drink beer.  Or a lot of it anyway.  Especially during the summer when we’re running around in bathing suits.  Come on now, you guys are smarter than that.

Let me break this down for you: One beer is refreshing, the second goes down because the first tasted so dang good, but rarely is there a third (at least for an hour) because we’re so bloated from one and two.

We won’t moan and complain if you don’t have a fully stocked bar, but we do appreciate the consideration.

She calls herself a Texas girl? Mary, not every girl stands around at a party worrying about how bloated the FREE ALCOHOL is going to make her. Some girls go to parties and just drink beer and hang out with friends and have a good time.

I know you think you are making some witty observation about the cluelessness of ‘bros’ but you just sound like one of those snooty ‘um grody I’m not drinking BEER’ chicks that everyone at the party rolls their eyes at. Seriously, if you’re too good to hang out and drink a Natty Ice in the 98 degree heat then go to your upscale cocktail lounge and sit in the a/c in your 900 dollar outfit and drink alone.

Also, stop speaking for all women. Not all women make note of whether or not they have a stocked bar, and withhold their appreciation accordingly.