Michael “Puppy Hater” Arrington, asshole, has built an empire on the backs of the two most talented writers in the world: Sarah Lacy and Paultatohead Carr. Now that AOL has handed him the keys to Scrooge McDuck’s safe, Arrington splits his time evenly between designing new loungewear for his slave, and being his usual arrogant self. Behold as the great Arrington lays down the law to yahoo.com:

attention to detail matters. First link ink post is broken. This is Yahoo’s corporate blog.http://ycorpblog.com/2010/10/26/yahoomailbeta/about 6 hours ago via web

I will now let those of you with spellcheck skills explain to Mickey what is wrong with this tweet.

Poundcake and Prostitute, author/editrixes of the sensationally popular tumblr circle jerk in print form, Coming & Crying, are not going to shut up about this book until they unload them all:

Back in—gulp—FEBRUARY we were in the middle of Kickstartering and raising money and had little to no idea of the realities of the post office, or, to be fair, the realities of how wonderful making a book and talking to you would be. But back in February as we were asking you for money we felt a little weird about it, when we thought about it too much. What we wanted was for people who wanted the book to have the book. We may have said “needed” as in, “we need this book,” because when making something from nothing, telling yourself, “this needs to exist,” is often the only reassurance that offers real consolation. Sometimes people who want or need a book are not the same people who are shooting off thirty dollars through the Internet (a practice my mother still finds dangerous), which is no fun but luckily there are people on the Internet with lots of money who will help you out because they are Good or they just really have so much money they don’t care. EITHER WAY WE WIN…

You guys.

Write us a letter if you want one of these books that internet strangers paid us money to make in a factory in Iceland and that have been sitting in Melissa’s living room for months now and we will be so sad when they’re gone (they’re almost gone!). That way we’ll have your mailing address and some semblance of real life-ness and you’ll have taken the time to write and we’ll be so happy when we open our lonely, sad mailbox.

See, since we are a real business and Crap we have this official-seeming PO Box which is kind of like having an office. It costs a ridiculous amount of money and the people who work there are incorrigible, but in a funny way. The man always asks me if I can even reach our mail, and the other man writes his own science fiction books in a notebook and is fake-surly in that way where he’s surly until you push him a little and he loses it completely. My favorite kind.

Anyway send us a letter there and we will send you a book. Until the books run out. I hope if you need the book it gets to you.

If you made it through all that Crap you are a better man than I. The gist of it seems to be that Melissa has a pile of these books that they don’t know what to do with, so ole Meaghano decided to just start mailing them out to anyone who asks for one.

Now now – don’t all of you start a riot on envelopes sending your request in!

Meghan McCain, bestselling author, continues to travel around the country to pimp out her Costco book. Of course she can’t just throw her crap in a backpack like us regular poors. A highly regarded writer like Megatits requires a tasteful, classic suitcase to put her alleged size 12 jeans in:

packing for another week on the road – like my new very serious, 26 year old writer suitcase? 😉 http://yfrog.com/f5ubbjabout 11 hours ago via Yfrog

Is that a joke? Anyway, Megatits had her 26th birthday Saturday. This momentous occasion caused the Meggalo to expound on her life philosophy:

people keep asking me my life goals? easy. to suck all the marrow out of life that it has to offer. do everything and apologize for nothing!about 10 hours ago via web

What is she talking about? That doesn’t answer the question at all. “So Meg, what are your life goals?” “HAHAHA PARTY!!!” The more she talks the more she comes off like a privileged overgrown sorority girl. “Doing whatevah I wanna” isn’t a life goal, asshole.

In other Megatits news, no confirmation yet on her attempts to get a reality show, but presumably she would have to do more than be filmed just flying around the country for her “book”.

Mary Rambin, humble, went to church yesterday where she discovered she is full of faults, and human. She often finds quotes from the bible help her articulate her thoughts:

You may think that the situations is hopeless, but God gives us grace when we turn away from our own interests.

James 4:6

Even when quoting the Holy Book she can’t manage to use grammar and spellcheck. But who cares; saying ‘sup’ to the Lord is just something to get done so she can get to her earthly reward:

Yes, Mare Mare has been working so hard, she deserves another vacation. Oh…what’s this? This is for work?

Now that I have several published articles in The Houston Chronicle under my belt, hotels are inviting me to visit and review them on a regular basis.  (It’s ironic and not so funny – to me – that I’ve been doing this on my blog for a while now, but I need the credibility of traditional print to be legitimized. I could go on about how backwards this is for hours, but I won’t.)

I’m sure you’re envious of my upcoming trip. Well, I’m not going to lie, you should be.  But I’ll also tell you, I sometimes fantasize about feeling safe and secure working behind a desk, earning a steady paycheck, and enjoying the benefits of health insurance.

I could try to explain that in writing all of these articles, there is research, calls, and actually a lot of time involved that does not equate to the money I earn on them, but that rationale would fall on deaf ears I’m sure.

Look, I think it’s nice that Mommy and Daddy arranged a faux society writing gig for Mary, but shill blogging is not exactly legitimate writing. Getting a free Mexico vacation in exchange for talking about the resort is no different than what Julia and Jordan do. Whether you are doing it on your Houston Chronicle blog or your More Than Mary blog makes no difference; shillblogging is shillblogging.

Oh, and your little attempts at sarcasm?

Smile Sunday part 2. The view from my room…work sucks.

Mary, you want to know why suddenly everyone finds you obnoxious? It’s posts like these. They are not funny, and incredibly off putting to those of us in the real world who do real jobs and don’t spend days harping about how hard it is to make phone calls and google Crap while in Mexico. It’s nice that you think you are working so so hard, but it’s not like you’re a sharecropper, lady. Get some perspective.

Megatits McCain, who is losing weight btw, is totally in the dark about her alleged reality show.

No idea where these weird rumors I am doing a reality show came from….about 22 hours ago via Mobile Web

Everyone sees how uninhibited I am in my professional life, not a chance in hole a camera crew would get to film how I am in my personal oneabout 22 hours ago via Mobile Web

Meanwhile she  gets busy kissing Bravo executive ass just in case they want to offer her a show:

met the head of bravo, Lauren Zalaznick! So cool, love those housewives!about 10 hours ago via Mobile Web

Subtle. She must be learning from Julia Allison.

And it just wouldn’t be a day ending in day if Jessica Schroeder Quirk didn’t make us roll our eyes. Apparently Messica has acquired “new co-working space in B-town” and yesterday she skipped her morning mani/pedi to go prance around a parking lot:

I felt like Monday was the first day of school and I was so excited to set my alarm, plan out an outfit and get up early to get ready. I just really miss having a routine and working with other people every day. Ya know that feeling? I love the start of new things, being in new places, meeting new people.

SO HAPPY, PEOPLE! LOVE INDIANA! LOVE IT! (But I’ll be back in NYC in two weeks yay!)

And as you know Messica recently moved back to Indiana after she got married. Yep, she had a wedding! And she’s changing her name, because she got married! Poor dear…it’s all too confusing for her, though:

it’s time to legally get my name changed and onto a new license and passport… anyone in Indiana have pointers for me? Pls e-mail!11 minutes ago via web

Here’s a pointer, Messica: GOOGLE.COM. It took me all of 3 seconds to find this. But then you would have missed a chance to remind us all that you got married and need to change your name to your husband’s.

A reminder: Please ignore the building behind her, for safety reasons.