Julia Allison has long been known as a scintillating wit. To whit:

Word up, McCains! This bortch is RENOWNED for choosing really bad boyfriends, and then cracking wise about it! HILARE-BALLZ!

Little wonder, then, that Julie Albertson is perhaps pondering a career change:

I’d love to take improv classes here in Chicago – anyone have any recommendations on where I should go?

Yeah, I know, it must be a real bortch trying to find improv classes in Chicago. It’s such a comedy wasteland there. I am in New York. Does anyone know where I can see some decent plays? Or get a good slice of pizza? Are there sports teams here? What’s that pretty building that looks sort of Art Deco-y?

But truth be told, I have always thought the Donkey missed her calling. I know a lot of actresses, and many of them share Donkey traits: rampant narcissism, a need to be looked at, loved and adored, loud and obnoxious personal demeanor, very large melonheads and huge mouths (think Julia Roberts, people). Yes, she is god-awful on camera, but the ego is there. Maybe with some classes, her on-camera presence could improve, and she could end up playing the dumpy, crazy older sister of some hot young soap star. Or, you know, the crazy, delusional stalker of the young son of a famous and wealthy political family.

The Quirks aren’t the only scary thing on the internet tonight. In other spooky news, Julia Allison went with “Sexy Browser” for this year’s Halloween sadfail:

My insane Firefox costume from Yandy.com … Not. Subtle.

She also apparently jumped off a building or something. Because she wants attention and nobody is looking at her anymore. Wow just wow, locking my door and turning off my television now, lest Julia Allison climb out of a well and through my tv and make my face look like hers.

Julia Allison, what does she do again?, had a fit so hard even our favourite delicious baked good noticed. Apparently someone named Alex Balk has a tumblr, and this fantastic fact is worthy of some kind of hysterics among the tumblr whores. From Julia’s tumblr business website:

Oh man. ALEX BALK has a TUMBLR.

ALEX BALK!!!!!!!!  PUT ME ON YOUR TUMBLR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Furthermore, I would like to take credit for what is SURE to be a domino-effect of the dregs of Manhattan media all jumping on Tumblr’s boat together, like little esoteric rats.

Sigh.  First Doree, now Alex.  Who’s next, Jeff Bercovici?  Rachel Sklar?  Emily Gould’s new dog?!?!?!

MY MOM???

(PS. You didn’t really think I could go to bed at 12, did you??)

Julia Allison, inventor of the horizontal scroll f*ckmess design that defines her tumblr, is critiquing the layout of the new twitter:

Honestly? Not such a big fan of the new Twitter. I’m sorry. 🙁 It’s too messy. Cluttered. I don’t want to see all this crap on the right!!about 6 hours ago via web

What is it with these chicks thinking they are allowed to tell anyone anything about design? Seriously?

For those who didn’t know yet: There are ways to avoid looking at that new layout, if you are not a fan of the new twitter either. If you’re an apple user Tweetdeck makes apps for desktop, iphone, and ipad that will bypass the website interface; personally I like UberTwitter for the blackberry.

Julia Allison, failed famewhore, is maybe, finally coming around to the fact that her career is basically in the trash.

Now that I’ve done both the backs of NYC cabs & the backs of @Jetblue seats, I think we can all agree I’ve peaked. Time to retire!about 10 hours ago via web

Can it be? Is the era of the gawker fameball finally coming to a close? Will Julia finally realize she kinda sorta almost made it, but that her time is up and move back to Chicago to get married? Will she finally stop with the Crapty “lifecasting” bs and get a real job?

Even if she is attempting sarcasm or wit, she has to be somewhat cognizant of the fact that she is a total nobody at this point. This can’t be a totally oblivious attempt at a lol, right?

Oh well. She’s supposedly leaving New York…maybe I shouldn’t hope for much more than that.

Mary Rambin, consultant, likes to talk about fashion and stuff. She’s been pretty busy working and Playa-ing, so we haven’t seen much of her style wisdom lately. Well, she must have just done a cleanse and a spin class, because she somehow had the energy to share a style link and take a swipe at Julia Allison’s Attention Whore Barbie style:

If you’ve been with me for a while, you remember the years of Julia convincing me to dress up in tutus for photo shoots, silver spandex to lipdub in Times Square, and even getting me to hot glue together three 3 Muskateers minskirts and vests to parade around in for one of the coldest nights in NYC. Oh bunny….

Through all of this, you learned the degree to which I HATE to dress up in costume!

Don’t get me wrong, I love to dress up and I love holidays.  But I don’t need to wear hearts blazed across my boobs, four leaf clover stickers, reindeer sweaters, or flags to express my enthusiasm. I’m an adult for goodness sake!

Yes, I still have a sense of humor and youthful whimsy (haha), but I prefer something more sophisticated.

Refinery 29 has put together a solid slideshow of outfits you can choose from if you share my sentiments. I knew I wasn’t the only one out there.  Click here to check it out.

I always kind of wondered why she went along with these ridiculous getups. At least she sort of admits that she didn’t enjoy it or consider it something normal adults do. Now if only someone can convince Julia…

Meghan McCain, known for her stellar taste in bff’s, is now apparently letting Julia Allison move past hinting at dinners. Now they are announcing to twitter that they are TEXTING EACH OTHER YALL:

juliaallison Late night insomniac texting with @McCainBlogette. Love that girl! 🙂 about 6 hours ago via Echofon

mccainblogette @juliaallison neither of us sleep, we should be studied in a lab! 🙂 about 7 hours ago via web in reply to juliaallison

Why can’t these people just pick up their iphones and CALL EACH OTHER? Why do they feel the need to announce that they are talking to other people who are c list celebs in a circle of maybe 40 people who even give a Crap about them? Are we supposed to be impressed?

Meet up in a diner at midnight if you can’t sleep, or just call each other and talk, but stop with the “I’m talking to @soandsofamuzz” crap. It makes you both look like pathetic social climbing famewhores.