After a whirlwind Ignore Your Dog tour that wrapped up in a five day festival of awkward fondling with Hipster Lawyer, Julia Allison is home.  Does she take a week off to re-bond with her dog? Spend some time with her friends (LOL) catching up? Do her laundry? Of course not! She faced her expiration date and immediately setup husband option number 2:

Preparing for my second date with Prom King, who, despite being 100% Jewish, is taking me on a NYC Christmas Extravaganza Date tonight. HA 10 minutes ago from web

Yes Julia keeps her husband prospects on rotation like chickens in a Boston Market. Do you think her vagina has a number dispenser like a butcher’s? And how classy to announce to the universe, including the man who you implied was in Hawaii with you (and if he wasn’t that was pretty tacky to imply he was – pretty sure Prom King can read the internet), that you basically fell off his dick, washed your bits in the airplane toilet, and hopped into some other dude’s limo after a quick nap at Casa Pink Nightmare.

I’m sorry, I’m all for….”dating”. But she as much as said she “finally got lei’d” after five days in Hawaii. Don’t give me that “she didn’t mean it like that! LOL! it was a joke, a pun omg!!!” She spent five days dropping hints that she was there with someone and then posted a cutesy double entendre for the entire planet to interpret how they wished. At the point you start going on week long holidays and rubbing your clam dungeon on his harpoon it’s time for you to stop dating other people.

Hey, call me old fashioned. Or call yourself kind of tacky and indiscreet. Whatever works for ya.

Julia Allison continues to prove that she has never written anything original in her life.

A commenter has pointed out that her Lonelygirl15 “article” sounds remarkably like the Lonelygirl15 Wiki entry. Note the similarities between her statement:

“Posed somewhere in the heartland, Bree’s storylines began basic–the stuff of typical teen angst–but quickly morphed into a bizarre narrative of cult practices and the mysterious disappearance of her parents.”

And the original Wiki entry:

“At first, the videos covered normal, everyday subject matter, as the title character dealt with typical teenage angst, but quickly morphed into a bizarre narrative that portrayed her dealings with secret occult practices within her family and included the mysterious disappearance of her parents after she refused to attend a “secret” ceremony prescribed by the leaders of the family’s cult.”

This is basically a cut-paste-replace hack job. Julia Allison is a plagiarizing asshole who in her entire writing career has never penned an original thought. This is how many times she’s been caught basically copying someone else’s work and passing it off as her own? When is she going to be called to task for this Crap? Is she just going to continue to get away with this, over and over and over?

The really sad part is that even when stealing her content practically verbatim, she can’t manage to write well.  What a schiester. Hey WaPo, congrats on your new “syndicated columnist”, the world’s biggest faker. She’s sure to help your paper seal a reputation as trustworthy and ethical. What a crock of Crap.

PS: DONKEY

(cross-post from rbns)

After repeated exposure to Julia Allison over the past few weeks, Kevin Rose has been driven to detox.

kevinrose started my chinese reflexology detox today (10days), this lady destroyed my feet w/pressure points, no animals products/alcohol for 10days! 14 minutes ago from Tweetie

Poor Kevin. Not only does he have that donkey tweeting that she miiiight show up (hint hint plz beg me to show up Kevvy!), he couldn’t even just come to NY and chill. No sir, he has to suffer through a dinner with “You Look High” Julia Allison and her ineffable enabler Rachel Sklar.

No wonder he’s flushing out his system with a detox that forbids “animals”!

Julia Allison has just had a night full of way important people that she knows and you don’t. Obviously the highlight of Juju’s night was when omgkevinrose TALKED TO HER. You guys. He talked to her!

With Miss Rachel Sklar at the beginning of the evening, at the Standard Hotel for the Diggs Drinks.  I saw all of my favorite people there (Caroline McCarthy, Charles Forman, Glynnis MacNicol, Lockhart Steele, Alex Albrecht, Aubrey Sabala, Kevin Rose, Jay Adelson) but wasn’t really in the mood to take photos.  I’m barely wearing any makeup, and I was just … well, PMSing … You know how it is.  No one wants evidence of that.

In fact, this was the conversation I had when I walked in the room:

Kevin: Um … are you high?
Me (genuinely confused): huh?
Kevin: High. Are you high??
Me: On WHAT?  Kev, I don’t even know how to smoke marijuana, let alone where to purchase it.
Kevin: Oh, yeah.  I forgot.  Well.  You just look different.
Me: Um … Thanks.  NOT.

Few photographs were taken after that exchange.

I don’t know about you folks, but the fact that some person talked to me is not blogworthy. For all you people know Kevin Rose could be calling me every night, and you know why you don’t know? Because I don’t feel the need to blog the fact that SOMEONE TALKED TO ME.

Christ, is this a game content? A lame conversation with dicknose rose and a bunch of star pics with her greasy agent?

Can someone please remind me how this bortch is making money???

Julia Allison, ballerina, has pretty much spent the last two years trying to recreate some mythical triumphant condom fairy costume. You know the one that supposedly rocketed her to fame on Gawker (remember that site?) During this year’s sad effort to top her Famous Gawker Halloween, ole Jules spent a month having panic attacks about getting some Care Bear costume. When she couldn’t convince anyone to construct one for free in 12 hours, she proceeded to crash parties in that getup you see above. She took pics. She made a really pathetic video. She was back in her hotel at 2am and posted photos of herself alone, in her hotel bed, in her costume, smiling to her limit. It all seemed rather sad at the time.

Well for some reason, 10 days later, stories are starting to come out about Julia’s night in LA. One person claims she pretty much wasn’t invited to anything and just crashed parties that Shira was attending. Another says of Julia’s “partying with Leven” post, “Leven was basically just getting ready to go out to another party when she [Julia] shows up for what amounted to a 10 minute photo shoot.  I guess so she could prove she hung out with a famous person.  It was so totally dumb.”

The sad reality of her existence evidently sank in at some point during that failure of a night:

Once you recover from your fit of lulzilepsy it strikes you how depressing this is. Or as one witness to the trail of fail left behind puts it, “dude it was SAD, man. she was tryin all so hard to be cute and it was like no man, youre OLD too old to be actin like that. oh and then she was mad i didnt know who she was. dude i hang out with celebrities how am i supposed to know who some freak with a blog is?” Certainly reactions like that would be enough to induce ballet tears in a raging famewhore with an outsized sense of her own celebrity.

Why am I even bothering to post this tepid gossip a week and a half after nobody cares? Because Julia Allison spins her “liecast” as some sort of glammy girl dream diary! of big gigs! and important people! and busy busy travel for important things!, and half of it simply is not true. She went to LA to crash Halloween parties and wait for Toph Eggers to booty call her. She is not sought after; she’s not even welcome at most of the things she attends.  How long has it been since Julia was invited to anything? Written anything for a publication someone may care about? (And sweetie, one article in Cosmo in January does not a writer make.)

She is somehow still basically spinning her ass off on that stupid tumblr of hers, sucking in stupid girls who think she is the ultimate writer NYC girl. She is still spinning it to agencies who give her jobs that should really go to people who can read a teleprompter and have some kind of presence.

The truth is Julia Allison is a soon to be homeless lunatic obsessed with fame and adoration. There are 7 people on earth who like her enough to spend time with her; everyone else who encounters her is repelled. We all know if she comes to Los Angeles she is O V E R.  She knows it, too.

Julia, please stop it. Just get a job like a normal person, and stop trying to be Carrie Bradshaw Waldorf Charlotte Tinsley McCain. You have enough contacts that you could have a legit job in no time. Just go do that and get off my internets.

Have you always wanted a thankless job where you learn no viable job skills, and will get The Eyebrow from hiring managers as you try to explain your job duties? Well you are in luck! Julia Allison is still somehow convincing people to be her unpaid personal assistant under the guise of being an “intern”.

Possible candidates must:

– know how to twitter that you’re enjoying a really fabulous party when secretly you want to twitter that you’re wearing giant underwear eating cupcakes at home.

– be really good at listening to Meghan talk about her AWESOME iPhone! Tell her she is a geek frequently. Laugh at her jokes! She is the nice one. Everyone knows this.

– tirelessly smile while filming Julia lip dubbing ridiculously age-inappropriate Disney / Lionel Richie songs. Act like this is normal and fun in italics. Say “yay.com” a lot and tell her that phrase is so totally going to catch on. Compliment her questionable choice in wardrobe. Remind her to sleep.
– Pretend to like our dogs. Pick up their poop. Pretend to like picking up our dogs’ poop.

– Pretend to like our blogs. Pick up their poop.

– Read and respond to all bossy emails Julia sends after midnight. Realize that Julia only sends bossy emails after midnight. Realize Julia has not gone to bed before 3 am since 1986. Realize that’s a lot of bossy emails.

– Get Julia to places on time.

– Realize Julia has never been on time to anything in her entire life.

– Start a secret blog about being an intern for NonSociety. [Note: DO NOT ACTUALLY DO THIS.]

– Sell rights to best-selling novel, called “The Devil Thinks She’s Carrie Bradshaw 2.0”

– Retire at 23. Become yoga instructor. Live happily ever after with one of Julia’s ex-boyfriends.

GOD. YOU’RE SO LUCKY.

I wish I could be my own intern.

Look, I know she thinks this is cute, but it just reveals what an entitled, delusional bortch she is. She seems to have gotten her idea of how interns are treated from that Devil Wears Prada movie. The problem is she is not Anna Wintour, and NonSociety is not Vogue. I’m not sure what job skills these interns carry out of this position with them but unless they plan on being PA’s or secretaries I really don’t see what kind of valuable experience they come away with.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the powerful media tour de force Julia is introducing her interns to all number of influential people. Maybe these interns leave the bosom of the most successful tumblr ever and go on to fabulous careers thanks to Julia. If so I’d love to hear about it.