Julia Allison, failtrepreneur, has spent the last 4 years in search of that elusive ” you” money she has seen so many of her former tech friends get. Well according to this no doubt totally unreliable and inaccurate site, Julie’s blog is worth exactly the cost of 5 Christmas dresses.

Considering the source of this info this is not presented as factual news, just as a Monday morning ROFL for us all. Good morning!

Julia Allison, can’t believe I’m typing her name again, spent a week making a BFD about how she is leaving the internet and waddling off to an ashram. I assume it’s to do yoga, find her center, spirit something, has nothing to do with that divorced chick doing yogie and finding a hot young guy to bang after she got fat on pasta? I seriously cannot imagine her motivation here, unless Emily Ghoulllld convinced her she needed to do it for her writing.

Anyway, we have heard nothing on twitter or her tumblr business for I guess about 5 days now. I sort of expected the internets to collapse in on itself once the person who invented blogging left for a whole day, but nobody seems to care.

I really wonder if she thought “Oh I’ll go offline, and they will BEG me to come back. Gawker will do a piece on how the only woman to ever be a founder of a blog has gone offline! RBNS will shutter it’s doors! Kevin Rose will seek me out at the ashram to declare he can’t live without a daily dose of ME!” And instead all she got was a huge internet shrug.

I would feel sorry for her, but that would take time away from making this bologna sandwich, and I have priorities.

Julia Allison, one of the few women pioneers in the tech industry  (along with trailblazers Meaghano and Sarah Lacy), is succumbing to the genetic truth of womanhood: the raging desire to get married and Crap out kids.

In the middle of a long rambling post about…well nothing really, Julia confirms what scientists and the tech industry have always known. Eventually, all ladies really want is a man:

And of course, at the same time, I’m battling biological forces, forces that kicked in unexpectedly at the end of last summer, forces that made my relationships feel, for the first time in my life, more important than my career.  Forces that made me want to preference cuddling with my boyfriend (or crying about my lack thereof) above “crushing it” online or on air or in print.  You better believe that wasn’t the case in the five years prior.

Yet another victim of the inferior genetics and biology of womanhood. This is why we can not allow women to learn code. It just leads to confusion about their true roles in life! Tumblr would be wise to discourage women bloggers as well. Every post you make means you are not in the kitchen or on your back where you belong.

Now, put down that O’Reilly book and find a man to make sandwiches for!

Sigh.

Julia Allison, skewering sartorialism, wore…that incident up there to some ASME event she shouldn’t even be at.

To be totally honest, the green heels don’t look nearly as good in this photo as I thought they did in my head when I decided to wear them. They were supposed to bring out the green on my nails and in the necklace … but I think should have gone with the flesh colored YSLs instead.  Oh well.  No fashion risks taken, no fashion rewards given.  😉

National Magazine Awards Head to Toe

– Makeup – thanks to CBS News 🙂
– Necklace, bracelet & ring – Ranjana Khan
– Dress – Aqua by Bloomingdale’s
– Green heels – Steve Madden (bought at Nordstrom)

NO. No! First of all, does she only own three pairs of shoes now? She clomps around in those nude YSL’s and the black top shop booties nonstop. I’m not hating on that – hole I have three pairs of shoes myself – but I think if I had events like this to go to I might invest in a nice pair of simple black heels. I also wouldn’t go around with nails the colour of a polluted tributary.

Also, why was she there? She hasn’t worked for a magazine for a couple of years, correct?

Julia Allison, advertising anthrax, is still pining over the frat boy who tossed her heart out of a moving limo:

Also – after six days of doing pretty well – I miss Prom King. A lot. 🙁 about 13 hours ago via Echofon

If I miss my ex, does that mean I’m not yet ready to date again? I was going to try going out for the 1st time tonight – now I’m hesitant. about 13 hours ago via Echofon

Um, honey? He dumped you. He doesn’t care if you miss him. Sitting around watching the closing scene of Three Men And A Little Lady and crying your raft off isn’t going to make him want you again. Also, you look pathetic as hole whining all over your twitter and blog about some guy you banged for what? Six weeks?

Christ sakes woman, get over it! You only have a few months to lasso a man into a wedding before you expire, you know.

Julia Allison, the Magellan of web 2.0, can’t even be an expert in her field of expertise:

I have the “JuliaAllison” handle in EVERY SINGLE INTERNET PLATFORM except Gmail. I don’t own JuliaAllison@gmail.com. Because I am an idiot. about 11 hours ago via web

You would think someone touted as a “branding expert” who not only goes around telling WIRED how to build yourself as a marketable product, but teaches classes on that very subject, would ya know, make sure they get those emails and urls on every single platform ever.

Maybe she can contact google and have them confiscate the email for her. Hey, it worked on twitter!

Are you an omgjuliaallison fan? Have you always wanted to live inside a vagina? DO YOU LIKE PINK? Well don’t miss your chance to use Julia Allison’s toilet for three whole months! Though she has been tossing out the offer since last August, apparently  Julia  is still looking for someone to take over her crappy overpriced dorm room:

I’m thinking of spending some significant time back in Chicago during the months of June, July and possibly August, and I would LOVE to rent out The Pink Palace, fully furnished, to a reader.  Even if you only need it for a few weeks.  Let me know.  Julia@Nonsociety.com

Just think, for a mere $2350 you can live in an apartment so small and depressing it actually violates the Third Geneva Convention.  But wait, there’s more! You will be sleeping in her bed, and having genital contact with the same bathtub Julia Allison uses! You really can’t put a price on that, am I right?

Email her now! You could spend your summer making eunuchs out of New York males and ruining your eyes trying to read with a pink bulb. Don’t pass this up!