Moving along, seems I am not the only one phoning it in today. Midwest Messica now considers a hoodie and a french twist fashion blog worthy. On the other hand she does look about 12 lbs thinner than she did in that geedee striped incident. Maybe some free Oscar would help her get back on the fashion track. Get that ass kiss on girl!

Last night I had a dream I was in an #odlr pale pink ruffled lace gown with a 20 foot trail. And I lost my vintage alligator clutch.about 23 hours ago via web

@johnjannuzzi @jennafain @oscarprgirl I will be calling on all of you!about 21 hours ago via web in reply to johnjannuzzi

just picked up the Nov @ELLEmagazine and flipped straight to a#odlr polka dot frock. Lady, lady, lady-like!about 16 hours ago via web

Oh! There’s that dress again in Nov @VOGUEmagazine on Anne. Even more stunning ON #odlrabout 16 hours ago via web

Guess she’s trying to graduate up from Modcloth, although why she needs Oscar de la Renta in Bloomington Indiana is beyond me. Just go buy some Gitano and Mossimo like everyone else, Messica!

Jessica Schroeder Quirk, bag of internet uselessness, continues to try to talk herself into being SO SO HAPPY about leaving Brooklyn, despite the fact that she still has not changed her twitter or tumblr locations to reflect her move to Indiana:

I’m so happy and excited to be here. It’s a beautiful time of year, the weather has been gorgeous and we’re making lots of new friends.

That’s the gushing final sentence of today’s post, featuring some Diana Vreeland wallpaper dress that she wore while “Working in downtown Bloomington, Homecoming Parade Party”. Working. Uh..was Ann Taylor Loft hiring or something? What does she “work” at besides pics of herself and mani/pedis? Maybe she finally rented an office space downtown so she could escape her empty house and work on her “book”:

totally procrastinating on reading through the copy edited version of the manuscript. must find pencil. must get started.about 2 hours ago via web

Not since Sarah Lacy has someone complained so much about getting what they wanted. I’m wondering how soon her publisher is going to rush back to her with a 6 figure deal begging for yet another manuscript?

Get on the edge of your seats, folks – sounds like another well-deserved mani/pedi is coming soon!

Midwest Messica posted her farewell to Brooklyn outfit post today. And what did Messica choose as her backdrop? The Park Slope Armory, home to the hated welfare shelter ladies:

And a bit on the background – this ‘castle’ is the Park Slope Armory (and also houses the YMCA!) and was the view from my office window. I never wanted to take photos in front of such a landmark for safety reasons, but now that I’m up and gone, I thought it would be a nice way to remember my old neighborhood.

She also titled the post “Be My Neighbor.” She’s got a lot of balls, that’s about all I can say here. Maybe when I’m done shaking my head in disbelief at her lack of tact I can come up with something wittier.

Jessica Quirk, who has proudly proclaimed on her tumblr that she lives in “Brooklyn NY” and runs a blog as her full time job, cannot wait to gtfo out of the city I love more than Velveeta:

Call me crazy, but I cannot wait to go to a Midwestern @target next week. 2:28 PM Oct 8th via web

@katierosman yes! the things that sell out in NYC are always still available at my hometown @Target 2:34 PM Oct 8th via web in reply to katierosman

SO excited to finally talk about house hunting publicly. We’ve been looking for about 6 months online! Can’t wait to actually see them! 4:22 PM Oct 8th via web

Look I love Target as much as anyone. I even braved the labyrinth of Atlantic terminal to get some cheap linens once. But never once have I thought “My word I just CANNOT WAIT to hit a Target! I would leave NYC just to visit a Target!” I mean…really? Target? There are Targets in NYC, Messica. They are out of stuff? Really? What stuff can you get at Target that you cannot order online or buy at a fkn CVS?

Anyway. The house obsession has effectively replaced her wedding obessesion. She continues on her tumblr:

I might not have a shoe collection like this, but I WILL have an office/walk in closet all to myself once we buy a house!!

They are buying a house guys! Did you hear? Messica had a wedding and now is buying a house. She is so retro you don’t even know! Who gets married and buys a house nowdays? Her life is just so perfect. No wonder we are all so jealous!

Jessica Schroeder Quirk, married, just got back from her free honeymoon in Iceland. It seems the magic of marriage is already dimming for our dramatic lovepuppy:

Listening to sad music and writing pity posts on a private blog.about 1 hour ago via web

Get it together, Quirk!about 1 hour ago via web

Ironing is my therapy. Pressing out the wrinkles in my mind.2 minutes ago via web

If this goes south it could be very bad, considering her omghusband is also her business partner.

Because she’s not going to let you forget it! Today, three weeks after her OMG WEDDING, she posts “What I Wore Down The Aisle: PART 1”:

I am so excited to share my official wedding photos with you today!  On the day of the wedding I was on a mission to stay calm, to remember all of the emotions I was going through and to really enjoy the day.  While my bridesmaids were doing hair and makeup in the adjoining bathroom, I was having my makeup done by the very talented Heather Parrish. And this whole ‘glow’ thing? I never understood it until that day… I’m sure other brides will totally agree.

And now to share what will surely get me ridden off GOMIBLOG on a rail, I kind of like the dress in these pics. Maybe “like” is too strong a word – I don’t want to roll my eyes and shake my head at it. That brooch still looks a little too “girl’s costume jewelry dress up kit” and I don’t know that strapless is my fave thing in the world, but eh it’s ok.

Stay tuned for more hourly updates reminding us that Messica is married, had a wedding, is married to her husband, and would you like to see her wedding pics? Because she has some of her and her husband!