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Dooce Mommy Blogging Heather Armstrong, not that kind of mommyblogger, threw a surprisingly normal and adorable birthday party for her 3 year old. There was Costco food and a regular old sheet cake, bubble machine toys, friends and family. It was all very average and not all twee mommy blogger, as Dooce Vader reminded us several times. Cecily Kellogg, you don’t get a say, is going to have all the says about sex on her new mattress. Apparently some company contacted her out of the blue and offered to send her a free $3,000 bed. After rattling off the sales pitch the company no doubt made a part of the deal, Cecily regales us with another sterling feature of her sponsored sleep arena: Know for what y’all really want to know: how’s it for sex? Oh yeah, you know I’m gonna go there. It’s GOOD. We’ve found that for some, er, festivities, we prefer to increase the pressure settings temporarily, but it’s great for other things as is (such as being on your knees for any length of time AHEM). Generally, it’s been awesome, although there is a much greater risk of falling asleep after any festivities because the bed is so danged comfortable (and with my mom living with us and Tori, we’re often grabbing time together during the day, so this is a serious risk. Heh.). Thanks, Cecily! This mental image is exactly what will convince me that this is the bed for me. Why do bloggers continue to confuse “keepin’ it real” and “edgy” with “crass” and “unnecessary”? People, there is a way to get the message across that it’s less squishy than a waterbed but more squishy than the back of a Fiesta hatchback (wow I really need to date higher caliber men) without getting into details about knee joints and your actual coital schedule. I’m not some huge prude. But if you’re going to skankmouth at least make it well written, amusing skankmouth. There’s a fine line between entertaining reality based anecdotes and just plain awkward tmi. If you can’t tell the difference then maybe keep your 50 Shades of Sponsored stories to yourself.
Kayla and Checkers, why do some people have children, were supposedly scheduled to get their daughter back May 31st. Many of us looked forward to an update on her blog about whether she had been reunited with her daughter. Unfortunately Kayla’s blog was buhleted and the internet has been a concerny place for the last 5 days, filled with speculation and discussion, and folks trying to figure out where Kayla is. Though it appears she has been doing some posting over at Dear Sunshine there is no definitive answer to the question so many want to know: were Kayla and Checkers awarded full custody of their daughter once more? Or are they still on a visitation schedule while their baby remains in a foster home? What do you think happened, GOMIBLOG? MckMama, of MckMama fame, had some “chat” last night with her fans. And by “chat” we mean some ridiculously complicated comment thread type discussion. Inevitably people started asking what was up with the bankruptcy. What’s up is apparently God’s path for MckMama involves not getting a discharge: It’s ok because it is all in God’s plan! She’s fine paying back probably over half a million dollars! The path is CLEAR now, guys! What I don’t get is, if she is so “let go and let God” about this, why was she pulling the lolyer card earlier this week? What about God’s plan? Where is the acceptance of His will? I thought vengeance was His? I know she is claiming a bunch of fake paypals were setup in her name, but if they had no money in them and had never had anything deposited into them, I don’t see how it would have impacted her bankruptcy case. Then again I’m not a bankruptcy expert. Anyway, I don’t need to be an expert anything to know it’s a bit ridiculous to be all “one day at a time, sweet Jesus” about having to pay back a crapton of money after you spent a lot of effort trying to NOT pay back that money. It makes no sense to put on that pose at this point. Maybe if I pray, God will explain this labyrinth of a story to me before I get eaten by a Minotaur or forced into a dance number with David Bowie. “MckMama“, some mommy blogger that filed for bankruptcy, supposedly lied about her situation to both readers and the court. People have asked me several times to post about the situation, but I could never figure out what exactly was going on. Luckily forensic accountant Tracy Coenen has been following the story and gave us some background on why people are so angry at mckmama: Project Babies’ Kristen, mental powerhouse, is widely revered for her political views. So when she tweets a golden nugget like this: …then we should all contact the entire government and have them spend all that money on the poor people instead of themselves! Maybe if politicians weren’t selfishly wasting money on their own wants then we could take care of some of those poor people that Kristen has heard about on the internet. This spending on themselves is just shameful when there are people out there who need food! They should be ashamed of themselves, and Kristen is going to take a stand by tweeting about it. I’m sure Kristen will be more than happy to share some ideas about how politicians can spend their money on poor folks…right after the valet at Southpark Mall finishes loading up her car.
It’s no secret – if you are pregnant and you have a blog it is practically expected of you to conceive not just a baby, but a brilliant, original, creative way to reveal the sex of your fetus. There is post after post on the internet with ideas for “gender reveal parties”; apparently it’s no longer enough to call your parents, break the news, and then have a baby shower at some point. You now need to plan an unforgettable way to tell the planet whether you are growing a penis or a vagina. Now it’s time for Jasmine, of the “Experiment in Poverty” blog, to try her hand at impressing everyone with her OMG AWESOME “gender reveal“. Her version of this bizarre new ritual involved her guests running around South Coast Plaza mall riding the carousel, polyvorying outfits at baby GAP, chew a gumball or something….seriously it goes on and on and on. Finally after what seems like 6 hours they open a gift box to discover the baby’s sex.
Dooce Dares You To Insinuate She’s Racist
Cecily’s New Bed Is Great For Sex
Mommy Blogging WTF
Did Kayla And Checkers Get Their Baby Back?
God Makes MckMama Pay Off Her Bills
MckMama Bankruptcy Fraud Begins Reaching Critical Mass
Project Babies Now Showcasing Her First Worldness On twitter
Gender Reveals Becoming Increasingly Bizarre