Jordan Reid, yeah sure nobody can tell you’re pregnant, has taken her shillposts to a sort of weird, sad new low. Her latest “sponsored post” is about the new movie “Monte Carlo”. That’s right, 30 year old Jordan Reid accepted $176 dollars to write a post about a cinematic vehicle for Selena Gomez.

Can we all agree that Selena Gomez is the cutest thing ever? Try as you might, the girl is just impossible not to like. And while I’ve never seen Gossip Girl (no, never…I know), I quite enjoy a little Leighton Meester fashion in my US Weekly, so there’s that.

You know what else is impossible not to like? Switcheroo ”teen finds his/herself in fantasy situation and ultimately discovers truth about who he/she really is” movies. Princess Diaries, 13 Going on 30, 18 Again (George Burns!)…all good. And Monte Carlo – Selena Gomez’s new movie, about an ordinary girl who gets mistaken for a heiress while on a fantasy trip to Paris with her best friends (that would be Leighton and Katie Cassidy) – is right in that teen-fantasy vein.

Sigh, it continues, but I can’t. You can read this embarrassment here. Honey, listen to mama Alice – GET A DAMN JOB. Have you really fallen so low that you are willing to shill out some Crapty Disney movie to pay for your Forever 21 addiction? Aren’t you better than this? After two years of trying to make your blog happen aren’t you in a better position in your career than having to post crap like this? Come on.

Love Life Lace, constant vacationer, arrived somewhere within a 50 mile radius of D.C. last week. Obviously a week long move-cation across the country meant it was time to take a well deserved day off yesterday:

I’m off to enjoy some of the key elements: water, sand & sun. I’ll be back tomorrow with something fun.

You do you, gurl! Get your relaxation on! I know it’s tough living with mom and dad and listening to your Beta Male complain about job searching. After all, it’s been at least six weeks since you took a 5 day “vacay” to Vegas. No wonder you’re so stressed out!

In case you were wondering how Rich Tong, controller of internet fashion, met his naked teenage girlfriend she is happy to tell you:

“How did you meet Rich?”

OKCupid, which I HIGHLY recommend to anyone and everyone looking for a significant other. I’ve experienced obviously very amazing and wonderful results, and I’ve heard only good things from friends!

Well that’s that. RIch went on a dating site looking for teenage models, and trust fund Lizzie needed to boost her public profile. DESTINY! Yeah, no. Unless you’re just really into taking a test to find out if you’re a rapist, you now have a  reason to avoid the hipster sex hookup known as OKCupid.

Twatiana, who streamlined her blogging, finally tells all about her big move:

The past four weeks have really tested my patience, strength, faith and nerves. For a type A personality like mine it was tough to deal withe innumerable surprises that seemed to pop up on every corner – as if our life was a video game. Flexibility was key. “Rolling with the punches” was our tag line. I likened every day to those last fifteen horrific minutes on a treadmill, when you can’t possibly do it anymore but you keep going. To say we were running on empty by the end was a understatement. It was all about the “les petites victoires.”

Yet the one thing we never questioned was that we were doing the right thing. And maybe in some subconscious was it was that that kept propelling us… moving us forward. I suppose that’s when you really know you made the right choice – when it’s hard as hole but it’s still worth it.

And even though I was exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally I couldn’t help but smile. Smile as I sat at dinner with my husband’s family, smile when I walked through my parents home full of warmth and love, smile as we drove through the familiar landscape of rolling hills and lush trees, smile as I stepped on the hot cobblestone of Georgetown… I’m home. It was worth it.

Wait…wtf? She basically just said…nothing. Maybe she’s so vague because rumor has it that she and her Beta Male have moved in with her parents until he finds a new job. Can’t have the internet know life isn’t a big pink cupcake of win and happy! Much better to ramble off some fake introspective bull. Hopefully the tales are wrong and we will soon hear all about decorating a nursery and her new volunteer job at a sunshine and kitten factory.